Most MTV reality shows have all the seriousness and maturity of a couple of 16-year-olds. So it's a bit surprising that one of their most serious, mature shows is about 16-year-olds. "16 and Pregnant" is basically a whole series of "True Life: I'm 16 and Crazy Preggers." On Thursday, there was a reunion special, and, if you're like Haute Pocket, LBluca or me, you watched with great curiousity. Here's my TV Play by Play recap:
:02 Amber said she threw up 51 times while giving birth. Was she on a tequila drip?
:05 Capricorn thinks I'm in love with Farrah. I'm not! I'm not. I definitely am not attracted to a 16-year-old mom. Shush. C'mon.
:06 Farrah's mom said she didn't really think she actually hit Farrah when she was driving. Yeah and your daughter didn't really get preggos. She just kind of got knocked up.
:08 Does anybody remember the awesome Dr. Drew show, "Loveline," with Adam Carolla? It was my sex ed, basically. That, and MTV's "Undressed."
:13 Don't think Ryan, Maci's bf, will win any Father of the Year awards. But he could easily get on that "Why Is She Going Out With Him?" show.
:16 "16 and Pregnant" might be responsible for more high school boys not getting any than any sex ed program ever. They should show this at church camp.
:20 Ryan apologizes to Maci on national television for being a deadbeat dad. I'd say he'll definitely get make-up sex out of it, but that's probably what got them in this predicament in the first place.
:23 Ryan and Maci say they never considered abortion. In fact, none of the teens on this show had an abortion. What, is MTV saving that for season two? What happens in season three? A girl sends her child down a river in a basket, Moses-style?
:29 Holy crap, I love Gary. I almost forgot how awesome he was-- buying a $500 Playstation when his teenage girlfriend is pregnant. That takes a real man to ignore obvious financial problems.
:30 "$21.40 on the (engagement) ring? $500 on the game console? Dude, priorities straight?" Drew asks.... Gary comes back with, "I love her, and all that matters." Gary! You're a champion. Please sign this ultrasound for me.
:31 Gary recommends "the industrial-sized box" of condoms. I'd suggest industrial strength, too. Made of steel and pesticides.
:33 Amber: "We're not trying to glamorize teen pregnancy." Good to hear. But I think guilty of glamorizing Wal-mart jewelry.
:38 Ever look at a couple and just don't get that "yeah, they look like they belong together" feeling? We now welcome Josh and Ebony to the show.
:42 Imagine if this show would have aired during prom season. All high school kids would make it home by 11 p.m. and all the girls would have to put off their first walk of shame until the first week of pledging at college.
:47 More than 700,000 teen pregnancies a year. More than 699,999 guys who thought, "Yeah, I'll just pull out and we'll be cool."
:50 Most responsible parents on this series: Catelynn and Tyler, who gave their baby up for adoption. I can barely give away stuff to Goodwill.
:55 Oh crap, now we're going to make the tears flow- Catelynn's reunited with her baby, with a visit by the adoption parents. This show is 1,000 times better than The Hills. Why can't Catelynn be on the cover of Cosmo instead of L.C. and Whitney? (Well, for one, Cosmo couldn't have a bunch of headlines touting "Have Great Sex Tonight!")
:59 What have we learned so far tonight, kiddies? Unprotected sex as a teen? Bad. Sex with a guy who's not very mature? Bad. Babies? Adorable. Gary? Amazing. MTV? Needs to follow up with "13 and Pregnant: Never Too Young to Start."
1:04 Sounds like Catelyn and Tyler hope baby Carly's adopted parents adopt them, too. Can we make that happen? Spin-off!
1:13 Dr. Drew is really great at subliminally reminded all these kids they kinda shoulda not have banged without protection.
1:14 Whitney says her baby has liver problems, which is a very unfortunate thing to hear. Whitney offers her own perspective on it, saying she's worried when he gets older, he'll be at a party and won't be able to drink. You can't fault her for not looking out for the long-term.
1:21 All six girls say they didn't use condoms when they got pregnant. Trojan execs breathe a sigh of relief, as it would be hard to market a campaign around, "As seen on '16 and Pregnant.'"
1:25 Creepy old man status update: The teen girls are all talking about breastfeeding. I feel awkward. I'm going to grab a snack.
1:30 All the babies are brought out. I haven't seen this much wedlock since... since... I've never seen this much wedlock. Congratulations, babies. You were reality stars before you even took a breath. Please grow up quickly and replace the cast of Real World: Cancun.
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