To discuss it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas?

Dear Thanksgiving:

On behalf of jag-offs everywhere, I apologize. I haven't seen this much thunder stolen since Urkel joined "Family Matters" and Carl Winslow became an afterthought.

Once Halloween is over, it's no secret marketers and businesses want to remind us it's the holidays. Commercials tell us to shop now for Christmas before it's too late. In reality, it's too late on Dec. 26. It's not too late Dec. 24.

But the commercials aren't a big deal, and to be expected. I can even look past Jim Carrey's "Christmas Carol" movie coming out last weekend, hoping without cause it could be better than Muppet Christmas Carol.

What's not to be expected is for people to jump the gun and start decorating for Christmas now, before anyone has carved a turkey, watched Al Roker flag down parade floats or watched the Detroit Lions in their annual Thanksgiving Day loss.

On Friday, I was driving down an autumn foliage covered road. Fall was in the air (and likely H1N1, but that doesn't have pretty leaves).

And then what to my wondering eyes did appear, but an inflatable Santa Claus, lights and general Christmas regalia spread all over the side of a house and lawn, inviting me to have a Merry Christmas.

Full holiday decorations. Nov. 5.

And then yesterday, Thanksgiving, you remember what happened? I drove through a town that had jack-o-lanterns decaying gracefully on doorsteps, hoping to scare off children one last time with the threat of a bacterial infection. I saw brown banners on light posts adorned with leaves. I had football on the radio, and leaves falling from the trees. It was fall in all its splendor.

Except for the garland and Christmas bells hanging throughout the town.

So, Thanksgiving, it seems once again you are the redheaded stepchild of holidays. You are a mere formality to Black Friday, a roadbump to Christmas morn.

Sorry about your loss. Maybe next year, try adding gift-giving to your holiday's list of traditions, right after the turkey feast. Steal the thunder right back from Jesus. He already gets two holidays a year, anyway.

Sincerely,
Wild ARS Chase

To discuss a TV Play by Play: Top Model 13 "Dive Deeper"

Last week, Brittany couldn't cut it in the biracial photo shoot, which was either a really cool racially progressive idea, or a really stereotypical, racist thing to do. Hard to say when it comes to Top Model. We're now down to the Top 5 in last night's Cycle 13 episode, "Dive Deeper."

Here's the nickname reminder (explanation in season premiere recap): Black Sheep (Nicole), Miss Congeniality (Jennifer), Mena (Erin), The Widower (Laura), Hot Fudge Sundae (Sundai)

Eliminated: Understudy (Lisa), Headlights (Rachel) and Spirit Fingers (Courtney) The L Word (LuLu) Pouty McPouterson (Bianca) and Lady Luck (Ashley), Lelly (Kara), Mommy (Rae) and NC-17 (Brittany)
-------------------------

:05 Mena Suvari is feeling the pressure. She finished in the bottom two two weeks in a row, as she watched Mommy and NC-17 get kicked off. Mena says at age 18, this is the biggest thing she's ever done. C'mon, Mena. American Beauty was the biggest thing you've ever done. You almost blew Kevin Spacey.

:06 Hot Fudge Sundae reveals she used to be in a foster home, but it's made her a better person- an admirable attitude. Not as admirable: She's sucking her thumb.

:07 It's The Widower's birthday, and she couldn't be happier. As she noted, she's gone from "castrating bulls to modeling." Yeah, but since you started modeling, Widower, it's been Bulls Gone Wild back on the farm. It's a veritable orgy.

:09 Swimsuit model/Victoria's Secret model/teenage boy dirty fantasy Marisa Miller,
the guest judge for the week, is on the beach to teach the girls about swimsuit modeling. Contrary to my belief, the object isn't to just look like the swimsuit is going to fall off at any moment. There's actual technique.

:10 I'd tell you more about what happened during the bikini session, but I passed out.

:11 Another blurred out moment: Widower's bikini top must have had a malfunction. There's been a lot of blurred out moments on Top Model this year. Just wait for them to release an uncensored DVD... Meanwhile, the girls practice being sexy under a shower. Drowned rat must be the new sexy. The only thing getting turned on right now is the faucet.

:19 For the challenge, the girls have to jump off a cliff into the water, giving a good pose on the way down. Mena says she has no problem jumping. "I'll jump off anything." Really? Are you taking requests? I know some girls in the house who might make a suggestion.

:23 What a surprise, Black Sheep wins. Miss Congeniality, who isn't very congenial this episode, practically is ill thinking of Black Sheep winning another event. It reminds me of Melrose- she won all the time, and the girls hated that. Melrose ended up losing to Caridee. So that means Black Sheep will end up losing to... Marisa Miller, who enters the competition for the chance to get on the cover of Seventeen magazine.

:25 All the girls except Mena are awarded extra frames at the next photo shoot, as nobody wanted to choose Mena because she's a "brat," according to Black Sheep. When the girl who everyone is jealous of says you're the unlikeable one, you know things aren't going well.

:32 Photo shoot time. The girls are shooting underwater, which they should have been expecting because it's a Top model staple. Without watching ahead, you just know one of the girls will have some issue with being underwater and freak out. It's like a girl being late for go-sees. P.S. I watch too much Top Model.

:33 Widower freaks out at first, but gets it together and remains adorable as she explains how it's bad to "Freak out at the bottom of the ocean." Actually, you are about 5 feet underwater, Widower, but we like you, so it's OK.

:35 Hot Fudge Sundae (who freaked out) comes up with all kinds of excuses on why she can't do the shoot. Jay Manuel said stop screwing around and do it. As someone with asthma, I don't buy her excuse she can't hold her breath underwater because of asthma. You're giving kids with asthma a bad name. And trust me- my middle school years prove we don't need any help.

:44 Judging time. Once again, Widower has an outfit on her grandma made. Her grandma must do nothing but sew all day. Give granny a break, Widower. Let her go castrate a bull once in a while. Side note: Marisa Miller's top is so low cut, she has bottom and top cleavage. It's epic cleavage.

:46 Miss Congeniality says she stops breathing during judging because of nerves. During deliberation, Marisa says Miss Congeniality's pose is "too erect." Miss J replies "it can never be too erect." Now I'm the one who's not breathing.

:56 Miss Congeniality gets top photo, followed by Black Sheep and Widower. Hot Fudge Sundae and Mena (for the third time in a row) are in the bottom two.

:58 And Hot Fudge Sundae goes home. They must really love Mena to keep stringing her along. Or maybe they'll just string her along to Top 2 and then cut her. Tyra's evil like that.

To discuss a month in review: October 2009

October is one of my favorite times of the year, what with the autumn foliage (suck on that Australia... just kidding, love you), its new TV shows, its football and its playoff baseball. The downside: There are no federal holidays I could take off. Let's invent one. Please leave nominations.

While you do that, let's take a look at the October Month in Review.

For a flashback, here's October 2008.

Favorite movie: "Zombieland" I love zombie movies. I love funny, quirky movies. I love random references to Ghostbusters. I love Zombieland. Easy enough, right?


Runner-Up (Two): "16 Candles" Capricorn couldn't believe it, but I hadn't seen "16 Candles" (or "Pretty in Pink, or a plethora of other 80s movies) before. So she made me watch it, and it was very enjoyable. Kind of funny watching a pubescent John Cusack.
And...
"Wanted" It was a bit Matrix/Eagle Eye, but still managed to come up with some new tricks (landing a car on the side of a bus/shooting bullets in a circle), had at least somewhat plausible answers to obvious questions (a healing pool that makes up for the fact these assassins get shot at all the time) and had Angelina Jolie, who was perfect for the role and made me forget she's got 20 kids. Unless she only took the role so she could learn how to train her kids to be assassins. Because that would be genius. Watch out, Jennifer Aniston!

Least favorite movie: "Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emporer" I am a huge fan of the first Mummy movie; I had a huge thing for Rachel Weisz, and it had all the funny lines and good action you could want this side of Indiana Jones. The second movie had the annoying kid, but still had you along for a great ride. The Scorpion King, the branch-off version starring the Rock, was, um ... how about that first Mummy? So when I finally got around to the latest Mummy, now with Jet Li and with Maria Bello, I at least hoped to be entertained. Sweet fancy mustard, no. It was believable for Rachel Weisz to be an English professor-type; it was ridiculous to ask Maria Bello to do the same. It was fun watching Brendan Fraser battle mummies; it wasn't that much fun watching his now grown-up son do it while he and dad tried to force some father-son bonding. Oh, and there are Yetis.

Favorite song: "Wishing Well" Airborne Toxic Event. Listen to it once. It'll get stuck in your head, but in a good way. Not like that "This is the song that never ends" Lambchops song. Which is now stuck in your head.

Runner-up: "Forever" Drake, Kanye, Lil Wayne and Eminem. I'm on a real big rap kick right now. It's like I'm 16 all over again, except this time it's even more awkward.

Least favorite song: Anything Mariah Carey has done lately. So I guess that includes Nick Cannon.

Favorite TV Show: "Curb Your Enthusiasm." I think I was too jaded about the end of Seinfeld to catch on to this show when it started. Now that the Seinfeld cast is making guest appearances, I'm just jumping on board.

Runner-up: "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" A little uneven- didn't really love the World Series episode- but at its best, one of the best comedies going. I told Capricorn she should dress like Desert Rose for Halloween. She told me to dress like Desert Grape ... Highlight this season so far: Charlie's blind date ("I'm a full on rapist."... "You mean philathropist?")

(Modern Family gets an honorable mention, as does Say Yes to the Dress, if Capricorn had her say)

Worst TV show: "The Girls Next Door." On top of being creepy, now the girls aren't even likeable. I'm too old to date the twins. I'm in my mid-20s.

Best moment: Capricorn and I having a daylong date in Gettysburg, which included seeing Little Round Top and Zombieland- those are two different things. Runner-up: Fall Fest 2009

Worst moments: Not a worst moment for me, but man, some of you really love your Glee, don't you?

Best decision: Taking the latter part of last week to visit my college and talk to high schoolers about becoming journalists. One student was even kind enough to ask how much I make. Once I stopped crying and took the pistol out of my mouth, I was more than glad to help her. I also got to see my parents, who have updated me on everything our neighbors are doing. What are parents for?

Favorite Blog Post by Me: It's just fun to make fun of the very things we used to love, isn't it?

Favorite Blog Entry by Someone Else: LiLu did her very own Post Secret event, and the results were legen... wait for it

Blogger of the Month: ... dary. And that, among many reasons, is why LiLu gets my Blogger of the Month award for October 2009. Maybe this will finally make her family proud of her.

I have my doubts.