To discuss Music I Loved Fridays: The. Song. Is. Mine.

It's been a long time since I've put up a Music I Loved Friday post, but let's get it going again. As a reminder, MILF is all about taking a look back at the music that I grew up with. It is not about your mom.

Who gets the honor this month?

I'm sorry that you seem to be confused. He belongs to me. The boy is mine.



You go, Brandy. No, YOU go, Monica. Will somebody just tell me who this damn boy belongs to?

It's June 1998. I'm about to start my sophomore year of high school, unaware yet that in a few months, Britney Spears would hit me baby one more time. Right now, the divas on the chart are Brandy and Monica.

Secretly, I had liked Monica's debut song, "Don't Take It Personal (Just One of 'Dem Days)" which came out when she was just 15. I was even younger, and so for all I knew, "one of 'dem days" was a girl who was in a bad mood. If you had asked me at the time, a period was nothing more than punctuation. Ah, youthful ignorance. I could have saved years of arguments and headaches with girls if I had only heeded Monica's advice and just realized women have one of 'dem days one week a month, or, in some cases, every week of every month.

Brandy was popular too, and why not, since her smile is wide enough to eat a banana sideways. But putting the two of them in the same song? I could barely handle Mariah Carey and Wanya Morris trying to out-oohahhhoohhaah each other on "One Sweet Day."

Looking back, there was no denying the power of "The Boy Is Mine." I mean, it was co-produced by Dallas Austin, and just look at who he went on to work with!

Since I was 15 at the time, I had no idea this song was based on a Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson duet, "The Girl is Mine," or as its now known, "The Girl Is Paul's by Default." I just thought Brandy and Monica had been fighting over some dude - probably like the Fresh Prince or something - and wanted to sing about it.

"The Boy Is Mine" spent 13 weeks on the top of the charts, which proves that at some point in 1998, you liked this song. You probably liked the video, which featured Mekhi Phifer before he went on to star in my cult favorite, Dawn of the Dead, in which he delivered a zombie baby from his pregnant zombie wife.

In hindsight, I'm not sure why the music video didn't have Mekhi asking for the girls to just get drunk and have a threesome, but I guess there are limits to what Carson Daly could show on "TRL." You know, back when MTV played music videos. Not that I can complain. I watch "16 and Pregnant" like it contains the secret to life.

Sadly in the years after, Brandy came out with a sequel, "The Hit-and-Run Is Mine," and is now more famously known as the sister of the guy who gave Kim Kardashian his flesh python in a sex tape. Monica has since carved out a career as "That girl who sang my prom theme" and is no doubt waiting for her invitation to "Dancing with the Stars."

To discuss August's MILF Friday on Monday. You got a problem with that?

Usually, I say "It wouldn't be the last Friday of the month without Music I Loved Fridays." If you noticed, this is Monday. But I had the big We Are Cosmo week wrapping up last Friday, so I delayed it. I have that power. Oh, and speaking of that...

I've got the power! (do, do, do, da da dododo) Let's go wayyyy back into the early 90s, and give you extra bonus music. Get ready to have your minds blown by the bumpin' beats, shoulder pads and electronically-manufactured rhythms of some of the flyest dance music this side of Technotronic and Haddaway.


La Bouche: Be My Lover ('95) I was singing Be My Lover before I knew that lover meant have sexual congress with a girl. Maybe I shouldn't have been singing this song around my mom.


Snap: I've Got the Power ('90) I won't try to deny a song that's appeared not only in Coyote Ugly, not only in Under Siege, but in Super Mario Bros. I mean, the rapper in here is the lyrical Jesse James. He says it, flat out. You think he'd lie about that? Best believe him, because he will attack, and you don't want that.


C&C Music Factory: Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) ('90) How has this song not become a national ad for Degree or Sure? C&C is challenging you, nay, daring you, to sweat. I'd like to see Old Spice overpower the vocal tirades of either C. Of course, the last time you let the "music take control" and "let the rhythm move you," we all know what happened. Speaking of which, isn't he falling behind on child support?


Crystal Waters 100% Pure Love ('94) You will not have this song out of your head for days, but don't feel bad, I haven't had this song out of my head in 15 years. But this is classic early 90s, and, if that doesn't make you appreciate it, take a gander at the 3:17 mark. For you kids out there, that was an Apple before Apple had 'iPods' or 'iPhones' or or before we put 'i' in front of words to make up for lack of personalization.


Real McCoy Another Night ('95) In hindsight... the white dude in this group sounds like a stalker. "I talk, talk, I talk to you, in the night, in your dreams, of love so true." Unused optional chorus: "I watch, watch, I watch for you, in the night, by your bed, when in the nude."

Stereo MCs Connected ('92) I have no idea what this song is about, but I do know I'm gonna go blind if I ain't get myself connected and see the writing on the wall. Except, I was 9 and didn't understand metaphors, so I assumed he met connect with my Lego set.



Robin S Show Me Love ('93) Even though I was the tender age of 10, I felt connected-- Stereo MCs-level connected-- when Robin sang "Heartbreaks and promises, I've had more than my share/I'm tired of giving my love and getting nowhere, nowhere." Had I been in love? Um, no. I couldn't even get reciprocal Valentines (Eh, fifth-grade crush Krista?) But I did love something... the electronic xylaphone-y beat. 'Because my love is guaranteeeeeeed..."

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Did THIS JUST HAPPEN!?! You bet your Walkman it did. Minds=blown. Children of the 90s just passed out from excitement.

To discuss MILF Friday: I did it all for the baked goods

It wouldn't be the last Friday of the month without Music I Loved Fridays. This time around, let's get our rock on:



You can take that cookie, and stick it up your yeah.

Flashback:
It's 1998. I'm tenth grade, and, like most of my peers, have been immersed in teen pop music for a year, from Backstreet to Brandy. And then, one day on TRL, it all changed... Now, back in time:

Girls like guys who weigh 140 pounds, wear braces and have a bowl cut, right? Right?

Maybe I should dress more like JC Chasez... That dude has got the look the ladies love... all I need is a white dress shirt and an awkwardly shaped nose... one nose down, one shirt to go.

Or maybe I should dress like this guy, Fred, who I saw on Total Request Live. You wouldn't believe it-- he has tattoos all over, a backward baseball cap and his last name is Hearse or Durd or something. Crazy. His bandmate wears black contacts to make him look like the devil-- I mean, these guys just are so hardcore! After all, these guys did that remake of "Faith," and made it all hardcore and whatnot-- they made George Michael's diddy into something us kids can relate to, because you got all inventive and screamed the lyrics! Rock n Roll Hall of Fame needs to polish off a plaque right now, because these guys gots skillz.

So Fred's in this band, Limp Noodle. No, wait, it was Flat Biscuit. Hot Pocket? I'd AOL search it, but this 52k modem is slooooowwww. Much faster than the 26k before it, though.

Limp Bizkit! That's it. Anyway, they've got this really catchy song that's so anti-pop, yo. It's called "Nookie." When I get old enough to tell you what "nookie" means, I'll let you know. I'm guessing it's some kind of baked good. I'd do it all for a brownie, I'll tell you that much. I'd fondle a pony for a muffin.

"I did it all for the nookie (come on) the nookie (come on)/So you can take that cookie and stick it up your (yeah)"

Fred, why on earth would I waste a perfectly good cookie by sticking it up my yeah? Well, it doesn't matter anyway, because all the girls seem to love you-- I bet one day you and Eminem will be competing over Christina Aguilera-- so I'll just take your advice and go with it.

I did it all for the nookie, ladies. Please act accordingly.

Billboard Top 5 songs of 1998:
1. Too Close Next
2. The Boy Is Mine Brandy & Monica
3. You're Still The One Shania Twain
4. Truly Madly Deeply Savage Garden
5. How Do I Live LeAnn Rimes

To discuss MILF Friday: God Must Have Spent A Little More Time on Boy Bands

It wouldn't be the last Friday of the month without Music I Loved Fridays. For the ladies in the house and the dudes who are trying to pretend they didn't enjoy this stuff, here's a little boy band action for you:



No, *NSYNC, you're tearing up MY heart!

Flashback:
It's 1997. I've just entered ninth grade, unaware that our lives are about to change forever. By the high school experience? Heck no. By boy bands! Now, back in time:

I wonder if high school kids dress differently than middle school kids. Maybe I should go to the mall and buy some new Unionbay jeans and a Bugle Boy shirt. Done and done.

Hey, these guys on TV look like they have their fashion sense together. All white shirts and black pants, with coordinating dance moves. That one guy is so silly-- he's got braids in his hair. He must be the goofy one.

*Listening* Da, da, duh dum. Da da duh dum. Baby I don't understand, just why we can't be lovers.

I'm not quite sure what he means by lovers-- it must be something about hugging a lot-- but this is a catchy song. Oh... wait, I think I understand their band name now. *NSYNC, like they are in sync vocally, and perhaps sexually.

Man, my female classmates really love these guys. I'm not sure whose more popular, *NSYNC or those Backstreets Boys. The girls fight over who has cuter band members, which leads me to believe I should join a boy band. I'll be the nerdy one with big glasses who has an inexplicable, irrational belief he's a ladies' man.

Doesn't matter anyway, Backstreet and *NSYNC will never be as popular as Boy II Men!!! I'm going to pretend not to like either band so as to avoid looking like a loser, but secretly, I'll dig all their music.

That Timberpond dude looks like he's going to be a star one day. He's going to bring back sexy good times, I just know it. And Joey, he just has that look like one day he'll host a game show or compete on a dancing competition. Chris looks like he'll fail at life as soon as this group is over, while JC, well, JC isn't Justin, now is he?

As for Lance... hmm... Even in ninth grade, I get the sense there's something different about Lance. It's almost like he's singing about a different person than the other guys.

Billboard Top 5, 1997:
1. Candle In The Wind 1997 » Elton John
2. Foolish Games / You Were Meant For Me » Jewel
3. I'll Be Missing You » Puff Daddy & Faith Evans
4. Un-Break My Heart » Toni Braxton
5. Can't Nobody Hold Me Down » Puff Daddy

To discuss MILF Friday: I Creep Around

Here's a delayed MILF, or Music I Loved Friday. The first one featured Britney Spears, the second one was Blink 182, then we went to Bel-Air, and this time it's...

Crazy. It's Sexy. It's Cool. It's "Creep," by TLC.

TLC- Creep

Flashback:
It's fall of 1994. I've just entered sixth grade, where suddenly all the boys are much taller than me, and suddenly girls chests have bumps on them. Bumps I want to touch, although I'm not sure why or what I'd do with them. They look... comfortable. Now, back in time:

I can't imagine there will ever be a day when I DON'T love Ace of Base. (Singing to myself) "I saw the sign, and it opened up my..." hmm. This is a new sound, what's this group? TLC? Like, Tender Loving Care? Sounds a little silly... but dude, those are some sexy ladies in those silk pajamas. Well, as far as I can tell as a pre-pubescent boy, at least.

I'm not sure what "Creep" means, but I want to keep it on the down low, too! (As soon as I figure out what down low means) This sure sounds different than Ace of Base. It sounds more like that Aaliyah girl. Hey, maybe TLC will have the same kind of future!*

I need to know more about these girls. I'd do an Internet search, but there's no easy way to search for information yet...AOL just isn't that good. But man, this 25k modem is a lot faster than the 16k! What did I ever do before instant messaging? Well, I played Oregon Trail and Space Quark. But before that? Who knows!

Well, according to MTV, TLC stands for T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili. Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins has a voice lower than mine. Should I be concerned? No... I guess not. Everyone has a higher voice than me. I'm in 6th grade and have the testosterone of a fixed chihuahua.** She seems cool, though, and trendy.

That Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes girl seems a little crazy, like she's going to light someone's house on fire or something. I'm not sure what her role is, though. She doesn't really sing. She raps. In a squeaky voice.
And then there's Rozonda "Chili" Thomas. She's definitely sexy. I can see big things happening in her career. Maybe she'll date and then break up with a famous R&B star!

"Creep" is such a good song, I'm going to run out and buy their "CrazySexyCool" cassette. Hmm... this one song is about water and rivers and stuff. If only I was older, I'd better understand the references to AIDS and gang violence. But, for now, I'll just appreciate that awesome music video with the dancing waterized version of the group.

And this "Red Light Special" song sounds so cool, I'm going to blast it from my stereo. Why is my mom giving me such weird looks? It's a great song, about dancing with people under a disco light or something. Rad!

Other Billboard top songs of 1994:
The Sign, Ace Of Base
I Swear, All-4-One
I’ll Make Love To You, Boyz II Men
4. The Power Of Love, Celine Dion
5. Hero, Mariah Carey
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* It's sad when foreshadowing is correct, but only because of tragic death.
** It's sad when foreshadowing is correct, but only because you end up owning a fixed chihuahua. Who humps things anyway.

To discuss MILF: On the Playground Is Where I Spent Most of My Days

It's the last Friday of the month.
What does that mean?
Well, it means I'm moving. Yes, I took today off to move across town, with the aid of my family. But more on that later. Right now, the last Friday means...
... MILF. It's the third time around for Music I Loved Friday. The first one featured Britney Spears, the second one was Blink 182, and this time it's...

Hey, I'm moving, the Fresh Prince is moving, it all makes sense, right? Here's the extended version of the theme song. Do you know alllll the lyrics?

Flashback:
It's the mid-1990s. I'm in middle school, which, retrospectively, is the third ring of hell. But, at least there's good TV on, right? Friends, Mad About You, Seinfeld, Saved by the Bell: The College Years (OK, maybe not that one). Now, back in time:

I wonder if I'll grow chest hair? Hmm. Is that a chest hair? No, no, that's a corn flake. Dang it. I just wish I could be like the cool kids on TV, like Joey from Blossom. Whoa! I wonder if I, too, should tie a flannel shirt around my waist. Or name my firstborn Six.
Wait, what's this show? It's an entire show with black people. Does NBC know this? I thought they were adverse to diversity.
I like it, though. That Fresh Prince dude is totally tubular.* Who knew that a rapper could be such a good actor?**
I wonder if I should start doing the Carlton dance at my school dances. Will the fly honeys like it? I can sing "It's Not Unusual" at the same time. That seems like a guaranteed panty dropper.
Speaking of which, I'm torn between which girl is hotter- Hilary or Ashley. Hilary was fooling around with that Trevor guy for a bit, but lucky for me, he died in that bungee jumping accident. And Ashley, well, her music career didn't take off, despite Will's best attempts at being her manager. I felt bad for her when she was at the record store signing event, and no one showed up.
Actually, Will fails a bunch on this show, doesn't he? He did end up getting Boyz II Men at Nicky's christening, I guess, but most times, he's just a Silly Willy.
Wow, he and Carlton just got ripped a new one for having that pool party when Uncle Phil was gone! He's so upset, he took them to court! Oh, Uncle Phil, chill-ax!
Hey now... this theme song, it's catchy. I think I can remember all the words. That should improve my street cred, because nothing says street cred like white people learning the rap lyrics to a show all about rich black people.
"In West Philadelphia born and raised..."
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* Or whatever slang was in at that time. Cowabunga? Neat-o?
** I would later take this back after watching I-Robot.

To discuss MILF: Blink and you'll miss today's featured artist

It's the last Friday of the month.
What does that mean?
Well, it means a paycheck for some of you, a reason to drink for others and a reminder for still others that they have another weekend of lonely Sex and the City reruns and cosmos ahead of them.
And... MILF. Yes, it's the second edition of Music I Loved Friday. The first one featured Britney Spears...and this time it's:
Blink 182! This is a special shout-out after they announced at the Grammys they were pulling a Backstreet Boys and reuniting. Remember their crazy, semi-nude music videos? Actually, do you remember music videos at all? Please remind me.



Flashback:
It's 1997-98, and, like all high school freshmen*, I'm trying to look cool. Fortunately, I've got a sweet set of... braces and a great pair of... glasses to pull this off. To say I had to beat the ladies off with a stick would be a malicious, bald-faced lie. So I won't say that... Now, back in time:

This "Can't Hardly Wait" movie is phenomenal. I have a feeling that Jennifer Love Hewitt has one great career ahead of her. She has a firm head on her boobs.*** I can feel all the teenage angst in this movie, angst I can relate to! I think I'll watch this movie again and again, as if it's comparable to "The Breakfast Club," when clearly, it's not. But what do I know, I'm a teenager.

And this soundtrack is great- Guns N Roses, Third Eye Blind, Missy Elliott ... But who is this other band? Blink One Hundred and Eighty Two? That's a long name. I'm feeling their song, "Dammit"**, though. It's catchy in a "punk rock your mom doesn't know she shouldn't let you listen to" kind of way.
I'm going to have to download this illegally on Napster or some other pirating site that, perhaps some day, will become the downfall of the music industry until the introduction of an as-yet invented iTunes program. Or something like that.

Flash forward a couple years
Can TRL possibly get any better? That Carson Daly has it all- music videos AND Jennifer Love Hewitt! I'm still really liking Blink- "All the Small Things," "Stay Together for the Kids," "The Rock Show," all good stuff... And, hey, they released an album called "Take Off Your Pants and Jacket," which only took me a few weeks to realize that's a euphemism. Now I just hope they don't get too successful and breakupohcraptheydid.

Other Top Played Songs Around Blink 182's early TRL fame ("All the Small Things" era):
* Backstreet Boys, "Larger than Life"
* Britney Spears, "Crazy"
* Limp Bizkit, "Nookie"
* Kid Rock, "Cowboy"
* 98 Degrees "I Do (Cherish You and Star in Reality TV Shows)"
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* Let's assume now that everytime I do MILF, you're going to gasp and say "I was, like, 30, by then" or say "I was, like, still a mess of sperm, eggs, and misfortune then."
** I remember being worried about saying the song title because I didn't want to swear. Damn it.
*** I don't think it's an exaggeration to say the movie producers milked Jen Love's sweater puppies for all they were worth... then, she did "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and took cleavage to new heights.

To discuss a new feature that will take you way back

In an attempt to overextend myself like the Saved by the Bell crew trying to mass produce Screech's Spaghetti Sauce, here's a new monthly feature, Music I Loved Friday, or MILF.
It's a look back at old-school songs of yesterdecade, remembering where I was and what I thought when the song came out. I probably hate the song now, but at the time, it was all the rage.
And what better way to start than with...

Baby One More Time! Here's the video, for those interested. I didn't embed it so you wouldn't have it unexpectedly blaring from your work computer.

Flashback:
It's January, 1999, the winter of my sophomore year of high school (commence groans by those older than me, and "dude, you're old" by those younger, like female Andy). I'm kicking back after school, watching music videos on this channel that used to play music videos, called MTV, now known as Reality World Television.* And what pops up on TRL, hosted by the affable Carson Daly?

Britney Spears? Who's this broad? Why is she so bubbly? And... wh...wha... whaaaahhh? She's grinding in high school hallways in a school girl outfit? I'm entranced! And I think she's singing about sexual relations... although 16 is a little young to be telling your boyfriend to hit you in bed.
As I stared past my ominous braces and through my thick glasses at the flickering screen, I was quite sure a superstar was before my eyes, although it would be hard for her to be better than that Destiny's Child group. I can't stop singing "No, No, No," although something bothers me about that lead singer. She looks like a real.... where was I?

Oh yeah, Britney Spears. Well, I'll give you a chance. This song is catchier than herpes at homecoming. And that pink sports bra is doing something for me, although I don't know exactly what- fortunately, I have sex ed class tomorrow, so I should find out soon.

I think good things will happen to this girl. She seems to love dancing too. Maybe she'll meet a nice boy dancer one day and have one... no, two! kids who can grow up with divorced and inebriated loving parents.

Billboard's Top Five Songs Around That Time:
1. Cher- Believe
2. TLC- No Scrubs
3. Monica- Angel of Mine
4. Whitney Houston- Heartbreak Hotel
5. Britney Spears- Baby One More Time

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What did you think when this song came out?

Thanks to those who checked out my new work blog (also on entertainment topics). Here's today's post, on Super Bowl stuff I wish would happen. Let me shamelessly ask you to add it to your reader. Your Google reader likes the gluttonous punishment. I promise to limit the mentions of the blog from now on.