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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

To discuss 10 reasons women make no sense

In no particular order, 10 reasons women make no sense:

1. They'll say they don't like another girl, but refuse to tell her to her face. Instead, it's done through a series of ever-more passive aggressive Facebook messages.
2. They wear clothes that make them cold/hot/uncomfortable, to look cute. That's fine ... until they say they are cold/hot/uncomfortable. Often.
3. Their pants are sized according to numbers that have no real relation to their measurements. A size 0? What the hell is that supposed to mean? You know how a guy knows his pants' size? By measuring his legs. I'm a 31 x 32. Every time. Not a 4 here and an 8 there.
4. They get mad if you stare at their boobs, but spend an awful lot of money at Victoria's Secret buying things to make you stare at their boobs.
5. They will cry at the mere thought of cutting their hair shorter. Hair that grows back. Sidenote: Men don't date or not date women based on a one-time hair decision.
6. They will hold a grudge longer than thought humanly possible.
7. They want a man to call them the next day. Until he does, and then he is "invading my personal space."
8. They say looks don't matter. Guys would never say that, because it's ridiculous.
9. They spend hours reading about perfect sexual technique and picking out the perfect lingerie, all to impress men who are just happy to see a naked woman to begin with. As a metaphor, that's like shopping for hours for the perfect toy, spending lots of money on it and wrapping it up in fancy paper, only to realize that the child was happy just to play with the cardboard box it came in.
10. They will overanalyze a text message within an inch of its life.

Here's a response, taken from the comments, by the lovely Cadence:
1. Human beings are social creatures, and women understand the value of retaining a relatively civil relationship with other women. Men, on the other hand, generally solve interpersonal conflict through a series of defensive verbal outbursts and homoerotic hand shaking.

2. Survival of the fittest, man. We can brave sub-zero temperatures in a flirty miniskirt and 4-inch heels, and any woman worth her weight will ONLY complain at the end of the night, by which time her male companion is probably complaining about wanting to go home from the place that he suggested they visit in the first place.

3. This is a genius ploy developed by probably female fashion executives to enhance feelings of superiority amongst women and sell clothes. I say, bravo. Also, we purposely don't want you to know our waist size, because ew. That is not your business. We are not the ones obsessed with measuring our body parts, as far as I know.

4. Who in God's name gets mad about men staring at our boobs? Why do you think we WEAR the low cut shirts? Obviously we act mad when you do it, otherwise you wouldn't find it so titilating (ha!) and forbidden.

5. Don't men cry over the losses of sports teams full of athletes to whom the men in question have absolutely no personal relationship. We sleep with our hair every single night. We miss it when it's gone.

6. I'm almost 100% convinced that the Hundred Years War, the Crusades, both World Wars, and most major global conflicts are the result of ridiculous male grudges.

7. If we like him, we want him to call the next day. End of story. If we're not interested, he's invading our personal space. It's not a terribly complicated system.

8. Has any girl actually told you that looks don't matter? Any real, live girl? In fact, don't answer...I'll do a quick survey for you. I'm going to guess that 100% of girls will agree that looks, while not the most important factor in choosing a mate, certainly matter. I think this is a phrase that perpetrated amongst men to make themselves feel better about themselves.

9. Would you prefer we didn't read about the perfect sexual technique? That we werent interested in appropriate blow job procedures? I mean, it'd be way easier for us to lie around naked...if that's what you want...

10. I think women only overanalyze text messages from men, which leads me to believe that your texting skills are subpar and confusing. Why respond to a 140 character text from a woman, asking about your day and how you're doing with "Fine. U?" Really? Or when engaging in a text argument, they say things like "haha ur so funny." No tone indicated.

5 comments:

P said...

Just wanna make a few points here:

2) We look cute. Isn't that enough??? Don't complain about us complaining. It makes you seem like a girl too! :)

3) No idea what "pant" sizing (or "trousers" as we call it in our land) is all about. I just know we sound even bigger over in the UK...

4)We discriminate over who we want to look at our boobs. It's a lady's perogative, 'kay??? ;)

10) Yes. 100 percent.

Of course, all my comments are only my own opinion. As as yours...

I enjoyed this post. I even went as far as to "share" it on google reader. Be grateful. Or something.

Andy said...

P- 2) Yeah you do look cute, which is a good time.
3) Trouser sizing is just silly.
4) Very good point.
10) See!

Cadence said...

To discuss 10 reasons men will ALWAYS claim that women don't make sense:an excuse for being lazy:

1. Human beings are social creatures, and women understand the value of retaining a relatively civil relationship with other women. Men, on the other hand, generally solve interpersonal conflict through a series of defensive verbal outbursts and homoerotic hand shaking.

2. Survival of the fittest, man. We can brave sub-zero temperatures in a flirty miniskirt and 4-inch heels, and any woman worth her weight will ONLY complain at the end of the night, by which time her male companion is probably complaining about wanting to go home from the place that he suggested they visit in the first place.

3. This is a genius ploy developed by probably female fashion executives to enhance feelings of superiority amongst women and sell clothes. I say, bravo. Also, we purposely don't want you to know our waist size, because ew. That is not your business. We are not the ones obsessed with measuring our body parts, as far as I know.

4. Who in God's name gets mad about men staring at our boobs? Why do you think we WEAR the low cut shirts? Obviously we act mad when you do it, otherwise you wouldn't find it so titilating (ha!) and forbidden.

5. Don't men cry over the losses of sports teams full of athletes to whom the men in question have absolutely no personal relationship. We sleep with our hair every single night. We miss it when it's gone.

6. I'm almost 100% convinced that the Hundred Years War, the Crusades, both World Wars, and most major global conflicts are the result of ridiculous male grudges.

7. If we like him, we want him to call the next day. End of story. If we're not interested, he's invading our personal space. It's not a terribly complicated system.

8. Has any girl actually told you that looks don't matter? Any real, live girl? In fact, don't answer...I'll do a quick survey for you. I'm going to guess that 100% of girls will agree that looks, while not the most important factor in choosing a mate, certainly matter. I think this is a phrase that perpetrated amongst men to make themselves feel better about themselves.

9. Would you prefer we didn't read about the perfect sexual technique? That we werent interested in appropriate blow job procedures? I mean, it'd be way easier for us to lie around naked...if that's what you want...

10. I think women only overanalyze text messages from men, which leads me to believe that your texting skills are subpar and confusing. Why respond to a 140 character text from a woman, asking about your day and how you're doing with "Fine. U?" Really? Or when engaging in a text argument, they say things like "haha ur so funny." No tone indicated.

xoxoxo

Jenners said...

You know you are going to get slammed ... and I see the rebuttals pouring in already. (Remember what you said about the grudges? So true.)

As far as the bad haircuts not being so "bad," I offer Exhibit A: http://www.lifewithbooks.com/2010/02/oops-this-wasnt-quite-what-i-had-in-mind/

nowimagrownup said...

I think Cadence summed it up nicely -- she's a smart girl :)

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