Tuesday, November 18, 2008

To discuss a portent of fun things to come, plus Saved by the Bell

As alluded to before, this is going to be a very fun week on Wild ARS.
Ben, of No Ordinary Rollercoaster fame, of Canadian fame, of Dream Date fame, of dachshund blog fame, is doing a co-blog with me. We promise to be good*.

Because nothing about either of us is small (insert high school joke here), we are rolling out a massive three-day series on both of our sites that may one day rival Homer's The Odyssey.

Today, there's a taste. Tomorrow, an appetizer, including two Dream Dates. And Thursday, we cap it off with a co-blog full of advice for men much manlier than us.
Excited? You bet your blog we are... We're already planning on taking a weekend trip to the Bahamas with his newf and my Capricorn based on the royalties we'll receive from all the extra blog traffic.... You know, just as soon as we figure out how to make money off this thing. Until then, your comments will suffice as payment.**

This is a little something Ben and I wrote, imagining what would happen if the Saved by the Bell class reunited for a new episode today...
We call it, "What if? Saved by the Bell: The Reunion Years."

Scene 1: Zack is in trouble again. He doesn't have his science project done. Usually, Screech would help him out with this, but he's busy trying to get his pro wrestling career underway. Desperate, Zack goes to Jessie's house. Jessie is "so excited and so scared" to help Zack. They agree that Jessie will help Zack do his project if Zack will manage Jessie's showgirl career.

Scene 2: At the Max, Slater says he quitting the wrestling team, which catches Lisa and Kelly by surprise. He says he wants to pursue a career as a professional dancer. Lisa reminds Slater he didn't win Dancing with the Stars. Slater reminds Lisa she hasn't done jack on TV since SVTB ended. Kelly sits in the corner, wearing her now too-tight cheerleading uniform but somehow still looks hot.

Scene 3: Meeting at the lockers, now filled only with outstanding bills and the business cards of agents gone by, Zack waits anxiously as Jessie unveils the science project she created for him. She passes him an unmarked DVD. Explaining that he never liked Showgirls and doesn't consider CSI: Miami to be anything to brag about, Zack pushes the disc back into Jessie's hands. When she tells him it's actually a documentary on human perversion, his interest spikes.

Enter Screech.

Zack and Jessie pause, shudder and exit stage wherever-the-hell-gets-them-away-from-Screech, DVD still in hand.

Scene 4: Lisa's crying into her chocolate milkshake, lamenting her failed life and trying to beef up her Wikipedia entry on her laptop. She curses that the two cast members who wore the shortest shorts and the most neon somehow ended up more successful than her - especially as she watches Kelly wipe Cheetos dust off her cleavage while absently gazing at Slater, who is waxing his stomach. Determined to prove herself once more, she storms off.

Scene 5:
Zack appears at the Max, where they decide they might as well make money off Screech's sex DVD, much the same way he sold Buddy Bands, Bayside Girl Calendars and other must-haves. Jessie is seen in the corner, making out with Screech in appreciation after he mentioned he let her be valedictorian, and because they both need the publicity.
Mr. Belding pops in, crying out, "Hey hey hey what is going on here?!?"
He then realizes he might be the worst principal of all time because his students skip class constantly to play pranks and are always at the Max. Sullen, he throw his hands in the air and wanders back to the set of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" for another turn as a perverted gym teacher.

Scene 6:
Slater and Lisa, sitting in the gang's booth, laugh at Zack's latest venture, then lock eyes. They both realize they have never been a couple on the show, the only possible match-up not scripted. Just before they kiss and the audience "Wooos!!!," producers step in and remind them that they can't have two minority characters date. It's too progressive. Lisa sulks.
Slater decides Kelly still looks good and woos her with stories of his hit MTV show and his racy guest spot on "Nip/Tuck."
Kelly turns him down, though. She's always loved Zack, and now he has a new show on TNT. True love conquers all.

Come back later today for my "Quantum of Solace" review...

* Good in quality, not in taste or manners.
** We should be paying you, really. We had more fun writing all this stuff than you can imagine.


Ben said...


(Rave whistle to indicate the pure awesomeness of this week)

kk said...

LOL – thank you for the early morning laugh.

I still my favorite SBTB episodes were when the crew worked at the beach with Leah Rimini. Maybe those were the college years?

funny post!

Miss Tiff said...

Excellent post you guys! Looking forward to the next post. Can't believe it's going to be a 3 day series. :) That is awesome.

Matt said...

I jusy have a hard time imagining that people actually care about a screech sex dvd.

Lump said...

"but somehow still looks hot" it's because of her massive boob job. I remember when she got a spot on 90210 and I was like dude, her boobs are massive.

"...and the audience "Wooos!!!" HA! The audience could possibly be a WOO GIRL just like Robin Scherbatsky. ;)

stealthnerd said...

Omg...a co-blogging phenomenon w/2 of my favorites?! I've died and gone to blogging heaven. And be still my heart--a post about SBTB!! Loving it!!

RainbowEclipse said...

Two notes:
1) "Lisa Turtle" actually was in a series of soaps after SBTB days.... Days of Our Lives, and Bold and the Beautiful, etc.... http://www.tv.com/lark-voorhies/person/15680/summary.html

2) I totally expected your second audience-notation to indicate that you would still accept monetary donations in addition to the "comment-payments"...

Paula said...

I want "Saved By The Bell" back. This version of it . . .

JenBun said...

Oh my god, I think I'm in love.

You two are HILARIOUS, and you wrote about something near and dear to my heart-- SBTB, of course!!

Couldn't get enough as a kid, but I like this version even better!

Very clever, my dumplings. Will be awaiting more with bated breath.


honkeie2 said...

I own a signed Screech 'Save my House' teeshirt....I am cooler....or nerdier....either way Iraq, Uraq SBTB!

The Rambler said...

Lol....awesome blog...one of Ben's stalkerish followers :)

surviving myself said...

Damn. Zach beat AC again huh? It's just not right.

Erin said...

Fabulous. I'm looking forward to the rest of your co-shenanigans.

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