Thursday, February 5, 2009

To discuss things not to say to strangers

"You look tired."

Two people told Capricorn that yesterday. Miraculously, she didn't immediately punch them in the face, as she is prone to do in her Family Guy-esque dream sequences of such instances.

Capricorn isn't alone in being annoyed when someone says, "Hey there, sad looking lady, you look tired, what's wrong with your freaking face?" (paraphrased)

So I think it's an appropriate moment to consider other annoying comments made by people who have no business saying such things:
  • "You're not looking great. Are you sick?" Yes, yes, I am, and now I'm going to purposefully throw up in your purse like it's made of porcelain.
  • (To a woman, or this guy) "When are you due?" If by due, you mean I ate that new Taco Bell enchilada feast, then I'd say last night for Fourth Meal. No, I'm not due you idiot. I'm holding water weight.
  • (After you've cheated on by a significant other) "How's your boyfriend/girlfriend doing?" How are they doing? Oh they are &$*#@@$ GRAND! They are up to their elbows in WHORE CROTCH! GOD IN ALL HIS WISDOM PAIRED ME WITH A SLUT BANGER! THANKS FOR REMINDING ME! Where's the Tylenol?
  • (While you're holding food) "So, what do you have to eat there?" What does it look like? It's a sandwich. Is that blowing your mind? Can you believe that two pieces of bread, some turkey and mayonnaise is considered a meal? Because that's what's going on.
  • "Are you in a bad mood?" Well, I wasn't until you asked that. Now, I'm considering taking down a plane* with all my loved ones inside. I appreciate you pushing me over the proverbial edge.
* Note to FBI: I would not actually take down a plane. Perhaps a tug boat- that would be original, right?

Tomorrow, for my birthday, I'll have a special guest post by Southern Belle, so check, check, check, check it out. Update: Also, for those interested in a new TV Play by Play, I wrote about Rock of Love Bus (trainwreck!) here.


Marinka said...

I love this post. And not just because yesterday, as I was looking in the mirror, I thought "you know, when people tell you that you look tired, they really mean that you look like shit."

And lol about the sandwich. I also like it when people say, "hey, can I try your Coke?" Because apparently, they're here from Pluto, and have never had it before.

Anonymous said...

Happy early Birthday!!

"You look tired" was always my least favorite stupid question. It's as if someone is simply saying "wow, you look like dog shit today, what happened" but they're attempting to be polite. Lame.

Jossie Posie said...

I really hate being asked about my ex-bf...even though everyone knows we are no longer together I get the "So how is ex-bf doing?"

My response
"How in the eff am I supposed to know, we don't speak anymore...if you were a person of any significance in my life you would know that. Get out of my face!!"

Okay, so maybe that was a tad over the top. Ooopppssy.

Racquel Valencia said...

Ay. Men.

When people tell me that I look tired, I tell them it's all the great sex that keeps me up late. That usually shuts them up. Especially when it's my boss.

stealthnerd said...

The food one is always my favorite. And for some reason, that always happens. Are they asking b/c they think I'll share? NOT LIKELY!!

SouthernBelle said...

I get that "You look tired / You look sick" one.

Not as bad as when my old boss in Australia greeted my return from a vacation by saying "Hey, you're back! You've gained weight."

*grits teeth, remembers who signs paycheck*

Coconut said...

Ugh, I hate when people look at my food and inquire about it!! Every day when I eat lunch, my boss comes out of his office and hovers over my shoulder and says, "Mmmmm! Smells good! What is that??" It drives me sooo nuts!

Heather said...

So many people ask stupid questions!! I was walking across campus with a cup of coffee one day and some guy I'd never met stopped me to ask if I like coffee. Obviously dude, come on! Then he asked if he could try it and I shook my head and walked away. Is that some sort of new line guys pull? I don't get it. Sorry man, I don't want to swap spit.

Anonymous said...

ooo I really hate when people randomly comment on my appearance. If it was "Hey you look beautiful!" then sure, but it usually isn't.

The best example: I ran into this one old aquantaince on campus only 2x in my entire college experience. The first time I was feeling great but in sweatpants, no makeup, & running late to class. "Hey! Oooh how are you feeling? You don't look so good." The next time I saw him, I was dressed up for work w/ makeup but sick to death with the flu. "Hey! You're looking great! Feeling better?"

sigh. Keep your comments to yourself. Unless you think I'm pretty. :)

Little Ms Blogger said...

This has never happened to me, but why do strangers walk up to pregnant women and ask to feel their belly?

Sam_I_am said...

We have a client who everyday says to me "How was you lunch?" and I reply good and she then says "What did you have?" I find it quite annoying.

I once had product in my hair to make it crinkly and one of the deans told me I looked like a "Drowned Rat" ha!

kisatrtle said...

One time I was at a COSI center, watching my children play and there was a little boy there who had recently had a brain injury and was wearing a helmet. You know the kind screwed into you head. Some Jack*** says to the mother, "Where did you get that cool helmet? My son is always whackin' his head. He could use one of those." I think the mom was stunned into silence and to this day I still remember that Jack*** had a shirt on that said "What if the hokey pokey really is what its all about."

Odd, huh?

BeckEye said...

Screw strangers, you shouldn't even say stuff like this to people you know. I hate when you tell someone that you feel sick and they immediately go, "Yeah...you don't look good." So now I have to feel like shit physically and emotionally?? Thanks, asshole.

And I hate when people come up to you and say, "Smile, it can't be that bad!" How the hell do they know you didn't just come from a funeral? Or you just burned down your ex-boyfriend's house?

~Sheila~ said...

Wow. Tomorrow is your birthday!!! How old ya gonna be youngster?

I've heard everyone of those remarks.

P.S. As I typing this comment, I spotted a preview for a show called "Jockeys" on Animal Planet.

Now, There's a PxP I'd like to read!

KatieSaysSo said...

great post!!!! i hate when people ask me about my ex...i am always like...well, i think he is good...with his other girlfriend.....

TishTash said...

You know, for a wholesome church-going, god-fearing kind of guy, you have a filthy mouth, sir.

PorkStar said...

if someone were to ask me when am I due, i'd tell them in 5 minutes right in the toilet of your house, if you ever ask me that again... ok make that 15 minutes : ) Interesting post

Jenners said...

How about saying to a child accompanied by a woman who REALLY does not look that old: "Having a good time with grandma?"

Perhaps -- you crotchety old hag-a-muffing-- the little boy was with his MOTHER. Not everyone has children when they are 20. You are so lucky I didn't punch you in the face, lady.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. And Happy Early Birthday. I have a present for you -- a post of embarrassing photos for your enjoyment. I really wanted your little Indian button. I'm publishing it tomorrow ... I'll pop over to give you the link.

Jenners said...

Hey -- Here is your birthday present. I just got my embarrassing photo post up. Enjoy!


Andy said...

Or my favorite one... After seeing you fell hard...

"Did it hurt?"

Anonymous said...

During my last two weeks in Los Angeles my boss consistently told me (on a daily basis) "You look exhausted!" Hey, thanks! Because I kind of thought I looked like "I am way overworked and significantly underpaid, you rich, rich @*&#$)Q&^."

Finally, I had to ask, "Is that your polite way of telling me I look like sh*t?" He laughed. I didn't.

*~Dani~* said...

I hate when people say "you look tired" or "you look like shit" Thanks? Or "Smile!" What idiot walks around with a perma smile on their face?

Emily said...


the "you look tired" shit KILLS ME!!

i mean, honestly, you might as well just say "you look absolutely hideous and therefore should clearly not be showing your face in public. go throw a bag over it."

or something to that effect.

Jeremy said...

Fantastic blog! I stumbled over here from your Pop Candy profile and am going to blame you when my boss questions my low productivity today.

Regarding your list of inappropriate questions: When I was in high school I was quite portly, or "husky," to be more PC. About 10 years ago I lost a considerable amount of weight, and a neighbor of my parents asked them "Why is Jeremy so thin? Is he sick?" I told my mother to ask them "Why are you so fat? Are you lazy" for me.

Sam_I_Am: I have a co-worker who, every day when he returns from lunch, walks around the entire office (6 people) asking "How was lunch?" Annoys the heck out of me. I want to reply: "Dude, it's just lunch. Nothing exciting to report."

spleeness said...

Thankyou!! For posting this. It's about time, I can't STAND when ppl ask questions like this.

Another peeve is when people with the IQ of a sea snail throw out completely insensitive comments. Like when one of my pregnant friends was in an elevator, some guy waltzed in and said, "You must be having a girl." She said, "Why?" He said, "Because a girl robs a mother of her beauty."


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