Friday, August 28, 2009

To discuss looking back at Cosmo's best week ever

Dear reader:

At one point this week, I was praying the sweet clutch of death would finish me off. But let me backtrack.

On Monday, Ben and I debuted our short-term blog, We Are Cosmo. Since then, we've become millionaires, President Obama and whoever makes sure Canada doesn't implode have personally thanked us, we've been nominated for fancy awards we can't pronounce, and we've gotten tons of readers and comments.*

* One of these is true. Thanks again, Obama!

We had a guest writer discuss do-me shoes. Ben wrote about how to handle real Cosmo's constant advice to stick your digit in your man's heiney (look how family friendly I just made finger in buttholeohcrapruinedit). He also gave advice on how to make your gay friends happy and how to get a man.

I offered all the regular Cosmo features, from Sexy versus Skanky (I think you'll enjoy my photo), Embarrassing Confessions, Horoscopes that practically guarantee you'll be a skankity skank, and a Sex Quiz, where some of you have been thrilled to be called the Bill Gates of Naughty. And let's not forget the Cosmo cover subject quiz for me and Ben.

To wrap up, today there's a Then or Now post, and Ben unveils his vlog, answering questions from evidently horny, lonely readers. I haven't seen it yet, so let's just assume Ben has awesome answers and shows us a little too much skin.

It's been a fantastic week, more wildly successful than Ben and I could have predicted, and, even better, showcased how great I look in short shorts.

And it made the crazy terrible sickness I've had for most of the week tolerable. At one point, I wished for God to finish me off in a flamboyant gesture a la getting swallowed by a sea creature. My head was pounding all over, I was feverish, I think my water broke, I couldn't listen to music or be around bright lights... I felt like how Joan Rivers looks.

The doctor said I either have a sinus infection, a terrible migraine, or I'm preggers. Doubting the last one because I'm hoping I can deny it long enough to go on the "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" show, he gave me a cocktail of drugs.

Today, I feel better, so let's all enjoy We Are Cosmo (it'll still be up after this week, but why miss the ride now?) as it rides off into the blogging sunset.


Heather said...

Yuck - hope you're feeling better. (But I'm still secretly holding out hope to see you on that I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant show...)

I've enjoyed your fake Cosmo so much, I actually think I prefer it to the real thing!! Y'all did a fantastic job :)

Ben said...

I'm exhausted as if I've spent the last seven days having orgies with strangers.

Kellie said...

Glad you are feeling better. That shit has been going around unfortunately. At least it wasn't H1N1. :)

Cheers to you for the Cosmo posts! They were great!

Anonymous said...

Um, can you please continue We Are Cosmo? I loved it. It was seriously fabulous. Great job darlin' and glad to hear you feel better. I'm battling sinus issues myself, so I know how you feel. =/ Er, felt.

LiLu said...

Seriously, you need to make this a quarterly event, or something. FABULOUSSSSSSSSS.

Herding Cats said...

Great job guys! You are hilarious. Feel better Andy!

Soda and Candy said...


Except for the whole so-sick-you-wanted-to-die part.

I think my favorite was the girlfriend jeans.
; )

Debbie said...

I do love the idea of you being on the Didn't Know you were Pregnant show. What a classy bunch of people.

Jill Pilgrim said...

Dude, that was awesome.

*~Dani~* said...

Fake Cosmo kicked real Cosmo's ass. If it had an ass. Or a finger in its ass. Wait...what?

Anyway, thanks to you and Ben for this great week! You guys rock!

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