At one point this week, I was praying the sweet clutch of death would finish me off. But let me backtrack.
On Monday, Ben and I debuted our short-term blog, We Are Cosmo. Since then, we've become millionaires, President Obama and whoever makes sure Canada doesn't implode have personally thanked us, we've been nominated for fancy awards we can't pronounce, and we've gotten tons of readers and comments.*
* One of these is true. Thanks again, Obama!
We had a guest writer discuss do-me shoes. Ben wrote about how to handle real Cosmo's constant advice to stick your digit in your man's heiney (look how family friendly I just made finger in buttholeohcrapruinedit). He also gave advice on how to make your gay friends happy and how to get a man.
I offered all the regular Cosmo features, from Sexy versus Skanky (I think you'll enjoy my photo), Embarrassing Confessions, Horoscopes that practically guarantee you'll be a skankity skank, and a Sex Quiz, where some of you have been thrilled to be called the Bill Gates of Naughty. And let's not forget the Cosmo cover subject quiz for me and Ben.
To wrap up, today there's a Then or Now post, and Ben unveils his vlog, answering questions from evidently horny, lonely readers. I haven't seen it yet, so let's just assume Ben has awesome answers and shows us a little too much skin.
It's been a fantastic week, more wildly successful than Ben and I could have predicted, and, even better, showcased how great I look in short shorts.
And it made the crazy terrible sickness I've had for most of the week tolerable. At one point, I wished for God to finish me off in a flamboyant gesture a la getting swallowed by a sea creature. My head was pounding all over, I was feverish, I think my water broke, I couldn't listen to music or be around bright lights... I felt like how Joan Rivers looks.
The doctor said I either have a sinus infection, a terrible migraine, or I'm preggers. Doubting the last one because I'm hoping I can deny it long enough to go on the "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" show, he gave me a cocktail of drugs.
Today, I feel better, so let's all enjoy We Are Cosmo (it'll still be up after this week, but why miss the ride now?) as it rides off into the blogging sunset.
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