Monday, September 21, 2009

To discuss Emmy commentary

In what has become a Wild ARS tradition, I made a running commentary on a major awards show, with Capricorn there to offer her own sarcastic insight. Here's what we thought of the Emmy's, hosted by Doogie Howser:
  • Two minutes in, and Neil Patrick Harris is already better than 90 percent of past presenters. But it will be hard not to think of him as "How I Met Your Mother's" Barney. As in, he tux-suited up tonight, and he's going to give a girl Emmy-thing she wants all night. High five!
  • "Ugly Betty" is still on?
  • I've finally seen "Entourage." Thoroughly enjoyable. But my perspective is distorted by the veritable bevy of near or totally naked chicks on that show. I'd probably say similarly impressed with "Antique Road Show" if they offered the same thing.
  • Kristen Chenoweth took a Lady Gaga pill by wearing those glasses. Oh wait, so did Amy Poehler... Sweet Jesus what is going on with the eye gear? As the camera finally goes to Vanessa Williams (who does not participate in the eyeglasses gag) Capricorn comments Vanessa is looking "old as ****." I guess they saved the oldest for last, eh Vanessa?
  • 30 Rock is going to win a lot tonight, isn't it? This is like rooting for the Yankees. I don't think I can condone it, even thought I like 30 Rock. I will instead pledge my allegiance to shows I've never seen. Except Monk. Nobody wants to root for that.
  • Nobody looks happy for Jon Cryer winning best supporting actor. Capricorn to losing actors: "Screw you. No wonder you lost."
  • Justin Timberlake appears to have a dating-Britney-era Jheri curl.
  • Can people win Emmys if no one sees their show? Example: Toni Collette, "United States of Tara."
  • Blake Lively must have thought there was a "Plunging Neckline" category.
  • If you would've watched TRL about eight years ago, would you have thought, "Hey, Justin Timberlake is going to win an Emmy?
  • Tony Shaloub gets nominated EVERY YEAR! WHO IN GOD NAME WATCHES MONK!
  • They should put in D-list celebs for the trophy girls. Wouldn't it more enjoyable to watch Khloe Kardashian, Real Housewives' NeNe and Heidi Montag hand out awards? Anything could happen.
  • Jeff Probst, host of "Survivor: Exotic Places Probably Near a Wal-mart," wins in the first year the reality show host category is offered. "So You Think You Can Dance" host Cat Deeley, who I think should have won, isn't even nominated. Where is Kanye when I need him?... Well, other than trying to make a music video award seem important?
  • Not nominated for Best Reality Show: "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here".... After "Amazing Race" wins, Capricorn: "This is like it's supposed to be the Emmy's from eight years ago."
  • Shoreh Aghdashloo won best supporting actress in a miniseries/movie for "House of Saddam." Capricorn knows her from her work on "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants II," which, for some reason, has not garnered the same awards attention.
  • I love the "random movie/show the presenters were on" intro bits. It's like a treasure trove of trivia. Who knew so many stars did afterschool specials about sex? Actually, can we have top stars do those same afterschool specials now? Wouldn't teens watch a "dangers of premarital sex" special starring Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus?
  • Society tells me Jennifer Love Hewitt is yesterday's "it" girl. I refuse to believe it.
  • Dr. Horrible appearance! Why is this not a regular series? How can we have Rock of Love Bus, and no Dr. Horrible? If you have no idea what "Dr. Horrible" is and you think I'm just making references to a Spiderman character, please Google it now and come back when you're done.
  • There are all these Emmy-nominated miniseries around, and yet, when I'm looking for something to watch on a Saturday afternoon, all I can find are "Property Virgins" and "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami."
  • Bruce Gowers of "American Idol," you may have won an Emmy for best director, but based on what I've seen of your show, you would have put a commercial in right before your name was announced, again when you took the stage, and then another one in the middle of your speech.
  • Kinda surprised "Motherlover" didn't win best original music & lyrics. Also upset "Muppet Family Christmas" didn't win. The guys who wrote the Academy Awards opening number won. Fair enough- here's what I wrote about it then: "Hugh opens the show with a musical montage that at one point, I think, dabbles in a reproduction of a Missy Elliott video. "What the F is he doing?" Capricorn asks. Hugh says "It's OK to be gay," as a comment on "Milk," or perhaps as self-encouragement. "
  • Sure, LL Cool J has a new NCIS or CSI or some crime show spinoff coming, but when I think of LL and TV, I think of "In The House," the redheaded stepchild to "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air."
  • Oh, crap! It's Sarah McLachlan! She isn't going to be singing about adopting abused kittens and puppies again, is she? I can't take it. Oh. Phew. It's just dead actors. Only slightly less depressing.
  • I now associate Sarah McLachlan with abused puppies and dead Michael Jackson. Can't wait to see what she does next. "Sweet Surrender" for a prisoner of war montage?
  • Not surprised "30 Rock" won, but again, it's like the Yankees. Or, to put it in non-sports, celebrity terms, it's like rooting for Megan Fox. But only if Megan Fox was witty, well-spoken, funny and, you know, could act.
  • I didn't even need to hear Sigourney announce "Mad Men" as winners of best drama series. I hadn't seen an upcoming announcement this obvious since Adam Lambert said he was gay.
Did I miss anything? Cause that was lengthy.


P said...

Plunging neckline category??? Is that be-atch going after MY crown??? Man, she is going down...

BeckEye said...

How does Bruce Gowers win an award for never being able to fit a show into the time allotted? Was it the Opposite Emmys this year? They should've let Kara DioGuardi talk for 5 minutes about how great he is and then let him give a 4-word thank you speech while Seacrest breathed down his neck.

Scandalous Housewife said...

I thought Neil was waaaaaaaay too nervous and his voice was shaking. He couldn't pull off his confident Barnie character as the host. How about Sarah Silverman with the 'stache? Most hilarious moment!

Andy said...

P- I think J-Lo owns the all-time title, anyway
Beck- Excellent point. If he ran the Emmys, the show would still be on now.
Housewife- I think he got over the nerves, and the Dr. Horrible stuff was hilarious. Silverman had the stache, I believe, because in an upcoming ep. of her show, she grows a stache after she can't afford waxing.

Dr Zibbs said...

NPH did a great job.

Children of the 90s said...

I have a staunch pro-NPH agenda, so I'm all for throwing my full support behind his hosting skills.

Also, I'm with you 100% on Dr. Horrible.

Kellie said...

I hate Sarah McLachlan b/c of those damn commercials. They are so effing depressing they literally ruin my day! I can't stand watching them!

And I thought Blake Lively looked smoking. You know. If I were about 8 years younger and a dude (or lesbian). :)

Amy xxoo said...

And just why are you NOT watching " United States of Tara " ? I'd support Toni Collette either way - just for being Australian - but Mr Gil and i love that show. It has just the right amount of comedy, drama and quirk. Plus, its written by Diablo Cody.

I ask - whats not to like ?

*~Dani~* said...

Excellent recap. It makes me feel like I was there. Or here, watching it. I was neither.

Sam_I_am said...

I watched the first episode of "United States of Tara" on the Showtime preview on my digital cable. I really liked it (considering my profession) however, because of my profession, I can't afford showtime.

Stephanie said...

Please thank Capricorn!!! I could not figure out how I knew Shoreh Aghdashloo. OMG, it's Sisterhood II. I would still be trying to figure it out.

LBluca77 said...

I heart NPH forever!!!!

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