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Monday, February 23, 2009

To discuss Academy Award commentary

I did live Twittering (Tweeting?) of the Oscars, an idea I had before I remembered the show is 65 hours long. But for those of you who aren't glued to Twitter, here's the highlights of my awards show commentary, just like the Grammys, except Brad Pitt didn't beat up Angelina Jolie beforehand. Capricorn adds her thoughts in, as well:
  • I'm all for in-depth coverage, but E! started their stuff around lunchtime. You'd think with that kind of attention, they were previewing a plan for world peace or a presidential inauguration, but no, it was the highs and lows of Miley Cyrus' fashion decisions.
  • Red carpet time, and Sarah Jessica Parker has to introduce husband. "This is Matthew Broderick," she says to the reporter. How sad that Ferris is second fiddle and needs to get pity questions asked so he feels included.
  • Miley says she is obsessed with Angelina Jolie and wants to be adopted by her. Miley, I know that Vanity Fair photo spread made you look homeless and willowy, but Angelina only adopts children in need from other countries.
  • Capricorn hears that Hugh Jackman is the host. "I miss ol' Billy Crystal," she says. And he misses employment.
  • Hugh opens the show with a musical montage that at one point, I think, dabbles in a reproduction of a Missy Elliott video. "What the F is he doing?" Capricorn asks. Hugh says "It's ok to be gay," as a comment on "Milk," or perhaps as self-encouragement.
  • I want the Oscars to be hosted by Muppets next year. Miss Piggy could hand out trophies, Animal and the band could play music, Gonzo could be Ryan Seacrest, and Kermit could do the opening number. Why can't this happen?
  • Considering all of 15 people saw "Slumdog" when it was first released, people sure are creaming their pants over it now. I'm guessing it's not a bad movie, but it's not "Gone with the Wind."
  • Jennifer Aniston walks on stage to present with Jack Black. "I want to see Brad and Angie right now," Capricorn says. Me: "Why?" Capricorn: "To see their faces." My guess is, Angelina is going to be all over Jack Black today because of this.... Oscar producers, why can't Jen introduce Best Actress? Give us what we want.
  • A Japanese dude wins a random Oscar and gives an awkward speech full of "Sank you, sank you" and finishes with "Domo arigato Mr. Roboto." He just pushed back Japanese progress in American culture at least 40 years.
  • Ben Stiller presents and is dressed as Joaquin Phoenix during his bizarre Letterman interview. The fake beard isn't the strange part. It's that Stiller didn't act over the top for the first time in his acting career.
  • Of course, Beyonce has to perform, despite the fact she isn't nominated for anything. It does lead to the best part of the night, as all the Twitterers frothed in rage at her appearance.
  • Capricorn is (unnecessarily?) excited about Christopher Walken making an appearance to present for Best Supporting Actor... I think the show is rigged- another presenter didn't even have the envelope open before he said, "Heath Ledger."
  • The obligatory "People who died" montage, full of, "Oh, that guy is dead?" remarks. I'm waiting with baited breath for Heath's visage and the ensuing standing ovation. But... they don't include him? People had ants in their pants to honor Heath, and you don't give them every opportunity? Update- Yes, I know he died last January and was honored last year, but what's one more time?
  • Kate Winslet wins Best Actress. Capricorn and I want Kate to forget Angelina's name again... instead, she talks trash on Meryl Streep. "You'll just have to suck it up," she tells Streep, for not winning this time. Streep secretly plans to end Kate's life.
  • I hope Hugh's not getting paid for this gig. He's been on, like, three times.
  • Steven Spielberg, the Best Picture presenter, starts blathering about how movies change the world and are the celluloid fabric of us all. I know movies are fun, but let's keep this in perspective: Their "craft" is available for $3.99 a month on Netflix.
  • "Slumdog" wins Best Picture. Regis Philbin jumps with glee at his home, hoping people are awaiting a "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" return to primetime. Regis, we all know Ryan Seacrest would host it this time around... even though I'd prefer Kermit.

19 comments:

stealthnerd said...

Okay, I kind of love the idea of having the Muppets host. You could call it: The Muppets Take the Oscars. It would be genius.

Of course, you'd have to include the crotchety old men in the balcony as well.

Oh man, I can see it all now....

Lauren said...

They didn't include Heath in the list because he passed away in January. (They honored him last year during the award show.)

I definitely think the Muppet's would do a much better job than Hugh and co.

~Sheila~ said...

So I was able to catch the last 30 or so minutes of the Oscars and I was following along with your tweets. Very amusing. Very on-spot.

You must keep very busy with writing in all of your blogs. I'm tired just writing this.
Going to take a nap....

Astharis said...

Hey, don't diss Gonzo. He's about a billion times more talented than Ryan Seacrest.

And the Angelina/Jennifer thing was completely a non-drama... Were people really expecting them to claw each others eyes out? Oh, wait... Maybe that's why the Oscars were pretty disappointing.

LBluca77 said...

You have to die between a certain beginning date to an end date for the year to be included in the dead people part. Heath was in last years dead people part. He didn't qualify this year.

Heather said...

Oh my gosh, that Japanese guy... what was that?? I just sat there with a bewildered look on my face. Then when you said the Mr. Roboto line, I fell out laughing. I mean, seriously? Come on, man..

Heather said...

Yeah.. that was supposed to say when "he" said the Mr. Roboto line.. not you. Although I'm sure it's funny from you, too.

Dr Zibbs said...

The Ben Stiller thing was great!

kisatrtle said...

I didn't watch any of last night's show (GASP), however if the muppets hosted I'd definatey tune in

Jess said...

The phrase "cream in their pants" has always made me feel really uncomfortable. I don't know why.

Amy xxoo said...

Firstly, thanks for the rundown because i didnt get the chance to see the ceremony on tv.

Secondly, quit dissing on Hugh - i'm hoping, after the disappoint of last Christmas, i will find him wrapped up under my tree this year.

Thirdly, The Muppets rock much and would be great hosts for any prestigious event. Oh, and the crotchety old men are called Waldorf and Stadler.

Liz said...

I love Hugh Jackman. He could have read the phone book & I would have still drooled! The Japenese guy totally tickled me.. yeah, all over, pink even!

Of course I couldn't last after about 1 hour... I just get bored with award shows! I did think the set/stage was to die for!

spleeness said...

This is awesome. I was flying and didn't get to see it but now I feel like I almost didn't miss anything!

Kellie said...

I loved the domo arigato mr roboto line. I about died laughing. Seriously I couldn't understand anything else he said. Awesome.

Andy said...

Yeah, yeah. Blame Capricorn for being excited over Mr. Walken. You skipped the aprt where YOU were SUPER excited over Mrs. Tomei and Mrs. Portman.

PS. You're the best live-tweeting mate ever.

Thomas said...

I thought that 'the musical is back' business with beyonce was unfuckingforgivable..I cringed and threw up a little

Little Ms Blogger said...

I agree that the Muppets should host one year -- the newest edition, the shrimp (is it Pepe?) would be awesome. He'd make a move on every hot chick.

I loved that they kept putting the camera on A&B when Jennifer was presenting.

I also want to know, who told Sarah Jessica that a dress should start in the middle of one's chest? She was pushing them out and I thought, why didn't she just go topless?

cassette45 said...

MUPPETS?! That's GENIUS! I'd actually watch the Oscars if the Muppets hosted. Does anyone remember the music video they did with Weezer waybackwhen? ...i need to find that...

As for Hugh Jackman - wasn't he in The Boy From Oz? Perhaps that explains his comment?

*~Dani~* said...

I agree about Hugh Jackman. He was barely on! I kept forgetting he was hosting.

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