Thursday, September 24, 2009

To discuss a TV Play by Play: Top Model 13: 'Make Me Tall'

After two girls got kicked off last week, there's no telling what will happen this week on "America's Next Top Model." Well, other than Tyra doing something weird. Let's jump into the TV Play by Play. Here's last week's recap, if you missed it.

And here's the nickname reminder (explanation in season premiere recap): Mommy (Rae), Black Sheep (Nicole), Miss Congeniality (Jennifer), Lady Luck (Ashley), Mena (Erin), The L Word (LuLu), Headlights (Rachel), The Widower (Laura), Lelly (Kara), NC-17 (Brittany), Hot Fudge Sundae (Sundai) Pouty McPouterson (Bianca)

Eliminated: Understudy (Lisa), Headlights (Rachel) and Spirit Fingers (Courtney)


:05 Pouty McPouterson thinks she needs to work on her face this week. Maybe she missed the part when the judges said she looked like a dude. I think she's got more to worry about than smiling with her eyes.

:06 Ah! Now I know. Lady Luck looks like Rosario Dawson.

:07 9-year-old Diva Davanna, who's assisted runway coach Miss J today, is already a runway veteran. That's supposed to be a good thing, not a frightening thing. Check out her Web site, and then pray any of the girls learn to walk like she does in this video. And that Diva doesn't beat up your kid.

:09 The girls do runway walks for Miss J. As foretold by 12 cycles of Top Model before them, they all walk like they are either waiting to use the bathroom or auditioning for a Lady Gaga video ... I wonder when Miss J started learning she could do runway. Birth? Did she do a few fierce first steps?

:12 Hot Fudge Sundae starts some drama by telling Pouty that Spirit Fingers (kicked off last week) wasn't really her friend and talked behind her back with Pouty's supposed other friend, The L Word. Spirit Fingers told me herself on Real Blogger she liked Bianca and was good friends with her. Not sure who to believe, but Pouty believes it and shuts down emotionally. I think this was the plot to "90210" last week.

:19 Challenge time. The girls have to walk the runway alongside a model 5'10 or taller. This is going to be like watching a middle school dance, with the Top Model contestants serving as the pre-pubescent boys.

:22 I wonder if L Word knows you can't have a signature walk before you have a signature on a fashion show paycheck.

:23 "My first runway walk was so much better than walking down the frozen food aisle," The Widower said. Not much to say after that.

:25 NC-17 wins the challenge (and deserved to). She'll get a spread in Playboy. Or was it Seventeen? Yeah, it's Seventeen. Sorry. Wrong reality show.

:27 Pouty has an honest conversation with Black Sheep, saying she's still getting over an abusive relationship. Lady Luck and L Word, being the mature ones, scoff at the thought of Pouty being nice and innocent. They are basing this on all the long, in-depth conversations they've h... oh, they didn't have that with Pouty? They're just conjecturing and assuming? Not on Top Model!

:33 Photo shoot time. The girls are basically on a construction site using ropes and scaffolding to make themselves look tall and elongated, the theme of the day. L Word does the worst she's done so far, photo director Jay Manuel says. So how do you really feel, Jay?

:37 Jay tells Pouty to use soft expressions. Pouty obliges by doing her "I'm going to RIP YOUR HEAD OFF" faces during the shoot. And then Jay tells Pouty to think of something she loves (Jesus), and she's all better. Jesus, as it turns out, is the key to good modeling. And salvation.

:45 Judging time. The guest judge is "supermodel" Jaime Rishar. I say "supermodel," because it used to be the word was only used for the best of the best- Cindy, Naomi, Linda, Christy. Now, anyone who has modeled and appeared on TV or print seems to get that title. Maybe I'll call myself a superblogger.

:48 Some girls do a nice job looking taller- Hot Fudge Sundae, Mena and Black Sheep. Some must have thought that by "elongated," Jay Manuel meant "eshortgated"- NC-17 and Mommy. An impressed Tyra tells Black Sheep she doesn't look 5'6 in her photo- she "looks 5'13." I thought she looked 6'1, but who am I to judge?

:56 Top photo this week: Lelly, followed by Black Sheep, Mena, Hot Fudge Sundae, Miss Congeniality, Pouty, Widower, Lady Luck and Mommy... which leaves ...

:58 ... L Word and ... NC-17 (really? really??). L Word can't take a good photograph, and NC-17 couldn't look tall. L Word gets kicked off, which might make all of her "I have a better walk/take a better photo than the other girls" comments seem a bit premature. Just a bit.


Candy's daily Dandy said...

On a side note, Tyra was on that old fossil, Larry King Live the other night, revealing the "real Tyra", hair and all.

It was completely UN-eventful.

Kellie said...

L-word was annoying as all hell so I wasn't sad to see her go. But really I thought this episode was kind of boring compared to the usual...

Andy said...

Candy- I'm so, so glad I missed that.
Kellie- Just some forced drama with Bianca. Why not get into the backgrounds of some of the girls we know something about, like Kara and Erin?

Children of the 90s said...

I'm all for you assuming the title of superblogger. It's yours.

P said...

I am sooo missing out on this show!!! Wish I had the channel that its on over here. Sadly, I don't.

Soda and Candy said...

Yes! Andy, you are the Janice Dickinson of blogging.

Wait... that doesn't sound right.

I hope Man-Face remembers to think about Jesus in all her shoots or she's going next!

Jill Pilgrim said...

Superblogger, indeed.

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