This is very exciting news, and they are the first among the small group of college friends I meet with every year to be expecting a baby. We really should have placed bets on that, but I'm sure that's unethical and easy to rig.
It also signals, however, a changing of the guard. Next time we all meet up, we'll likely have a baby amongst us, and that'll make it harder to drink rum and smoke cigars (I could just rub some rum on the baby's gums... don't want anyone to feel excluded... I'm going to make a great dad!)
And within weeks, I'll also be an uncle, as my sister is super preggy right now. That's a lot of babies coming into my life, and yet I have little experience with them outside of watching "Rugrats," and I sincerely doubt my nephew will let me call him Tommy Pickles. Wait, I did watch "Muppet Babies" when I was a kid, so I think that counts. I still wonder what the nanny looked like. A friend and I recently agreed she must have been a fox.
So with my little experience and an upcoming need for knowledge, please help me. Provide any baby knowledge I might need. I know some of you *cough* AmyXXOO *cough* are new parents, so that will help. Even if you just date someone who acts like a baby, I'll take it.
What should I expect? What should I tell these babies? How long until I tell them about sex - 6 weeks? 8 weeks? Is it socially acceptable to buy them a Power Wheels and then drive it to work myself? Should I keep my shirt on to avoid nipple confusion? How long does crate training take? Is it advisable to take them to a tanning salon "just to get a base," like on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"? If the baby turns out to be ugly, is there an exchange policy? Should I start messing with the baby's psyche now to set them up for a lifetime of lowered expectations so that they never become more successful than me? Would it be OK to "borrow" the baby so I can drive in High Occupancy Vehicle lanes? Can I tell them Lindsay Lohan is the most beloved actress in Hollywood and should be emulated, just to see what happens? Can I drop them off at the Jolie/Pitt residence to see if they get taken in, and then years later claim them for my own and demand millions in compensation? Should I baby-proof my house by wrapping everything in bubble wrap, including my dog? Can I read them Disney fairy tales but convince them it's all real and that if you bite an apple you'll fall into a deep sleep and some really short people will totally creep on you?
Please help. Thanks.