To discuss searching for spare change...

"No, it can't be," I thought as I stared at the two quarters and eight dimes in the palm of my hand.
I looked back at the Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pie on the shelf. "Little Debbie, you price gouging piece of..."

Let me take you back to what happened leading up to this ominous, heartwrenching retail experience with America's Favorite Snack Cake.

As a 25-year-old working professional living on his own, I've come to grips with the fact that it will be a long, long time before I can afford, say, a decent-sized house, on my own. Any of you who are recently out of college probably feel the same, unless you are working in Big Business, and then you sold your soul anyway, so we'll call it even.
I'll never classify myself as poor, because there are actual poor people out there who can't afford to feed their kids or go see a doctor. So understand that- this isn't the same...
But there definitely is a subcategory of life, mostly for people in their 20s, I'd think, that is all about the struggle. You pay your bills, hopefully often, and you can afford some things in life, but you never feel like you're getting anywhere, right? You probably worry about money, say, I don't know, all the freakin time?

Ok, so that's the context. Back to this morning. After a slew of some unexpected and expected bills-- paying to register your car and get its annual inspection is a forced tax, don't you think?-- I had been tiptoeing the past few days. My rent check was turned in a few days ago. My pay day is Wednesday. I had enough to cover it as of Monday night, but by Tuesday morning, I dipped about 25 bucks below what the rent is.
No problem, I figured. As long as they don't cash the check by oh my God they cashed the check today... Negative 23 bucks in the hole. Triumphantly with my chest and chin held high, and my full trenchcoat and sunglasses on, I went to the bank to use an old bank account debit card I hadn't used in a year or so to get the 25 bucks remaining in it, and transferred it to the new account. A nice humbling experience- the teller makes the deposit and eyeballs your account balance as he hands you the receipt: $2.27. Nice!
Now since I hadn't bought groceries in a while because of said cash flow, I didn't have much with me at work to eat other than a basic lunch. By afternoon, I've got a sugar itch and want to pick up a snack.
With absolutely no paper money left, I rummage in my car for what's left of my spare change. I go to the store, get an iced tea ($1) and eye up the sugary sensation of Little Debbie. It's 35 cents. I can't afford it.
You know you are a broke, broke man when 35 cents crushes your budget.
Fortunately, I had a hearty dinner to lift me up.
A hot dog and Ramen.
Jealous?


BTW- The best blogs I read are the ones with brutal honesty, cause, well, no one is ever really honest about how they are doing (there can't be that many people who really are doing "fine"). So I'll give to you, if in exchange you know that I'm going for entertainment and not sympathy. Now, if you have a Little Debbie snack cake you care to share, that's another thing. And hey, I get paid Wed., so it'll be at least another two... um... weeks... until I could face a similar situation.

To discuss what happens in H-Vegas...

I spent last night in Harrisburg, which I've since learned goes by H-town, H-Vegas and the 'Burg, among others. From what I saw, it shall heretofore be called Ho-ville.
I met up with my quasi-cousin (called that because she and I only found out we had an aunt-in-law in common a month ago, so we're not sure if we're related or not) to go bar hopping. I've never been much of a bar hopper, probably because I'm not much of a drinker, and even more, I'm not much of a spender. I am, however, a single, young male, so I've been told this is what I should be doing.

Things I learned since last night:

1. Trendiness is relative. When I go to Wal-mart at 3 a.m., I feel relatively trendy, due in part to the straightness of my teeth, the color coordination of my clothes and the lack of an urge to buy huge t-shirts with animal prints. When I go to Ho-ville, there are scores of 20-somethings wearing trendy clothes that they likely can't afford, drinking $8 mixed concoctions and talking about trendy things, like global warming, Darfur, pollu....oh, who am I kidding, they're talking about boobs. But, still, in a trendy way. I have yet to figure out how to be that kind of trendy. From what I can tell, for the girls it involves wearing very, very low cut shirts that will wardrobe malfunction enough to make the FCC have a heart attack, and tanning a lot. For the guys, it involves gelling your hair enough to make it a weapon, pouring on cologne and pointing at "bitches."
   
2. A guy who looks like George Costanza, down to the tie, khakis, glasses and eagerness to be accepted, should not sing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" for karaoke. No panties will be thrown. None.
3. I had better come to grips that I'm working in a niche market. I talked with Quasi and her friend about interior design, drank a Smirnoff Ice, and sang "New York, New York," (to rave reviews and raucous applause, mind you). There is no amount of football talking, weight lifting or stubble growing that will make me seem less gay. So, as a straight guy, my market continues to be, "Hey, have you always wanted to date a guy with all the qualities of a gay guy, but without the love of other guys' crotches?"
4. All bars use the same iPod mix. AC/DC. Bon Jovi. Poison. Journey. Which makes me wonder- if you went to a bar in, say, 1975, what did they play? Was Sinatra's "Come Fly With Me" considered the "Don't Stop Believing" song that everyone starts singing together as soon as it starts? I don't even really like Journey, but damn if I don't sing that song every time it comes on. It has like 3 key changes to it. It's like the guy's trying to reach God by the final note.
5. Ramen noodles could, arguably, end world hunger. For the first time in years, I had a package, with Quasi, and I forgot how much I love that salty goodness. And it costs, what, 10 cents? I can't even think of anything else that costs 10 cents anymore. When the guys who created Ramen were brainstorming, what was the thought process? "Let's create the cheapest food product possible that will lure people in with its powerful taste... that way, we'll make almost no profit AND falsely lead people to believe they are eating dinner when in fact they are eating salt water." Mission accomplished, gents.