To discuss Pittsburgh and a legendary tale...

I was in Pittsburgh this weekend.
I wanted to tell you sooner, but it was a surprise- my former college roommate's (Jonathan) surprise party to congratulate him on getting his graduate degree and accruing massive debt. I think he was famously successful on both accounts. But, obviously, I couldn't write on here ahead of time where I was going this weekend and spoil the surprise, or his wife might have punched me in the junk.
When he arrived at his house, with friends and family in his living room, he was definitely shocked. I think it might have been better, though, if we all had crammed into his shower, and when he'd go to the bathroom, we'd throw the curtain to the side and scream, causing him to fall off the toilet and possibly soil himself. Maybe next time!
Jonathan and I had some interesting times as roommates, including me taking him to the emergency room because he gashed his forehead on a computer while falling down steps, me driving his drunk, drunk self home while he kept shouting about how there were (nonexistent) deer everywhere, and the two of us buying tights together. Yep, tights... for "A Midsummer Night's Dream." We sat down in the middle of the grocery store aisle, figuring out if we needed control top style and why the sizes were based on random letters. That cashier, I'm convinced, thinks Jonathan and I are a couple.
So at the party on Saturday, I got to see some college friends I hadn't talked to in a long time, and that led to recalling some old tales.
One of those tales has taken on a life of its own to the point that I can't remember what's real and what's been added.
That tale, dear friends, is the Seven Steps Method to Holding A Girl's Hand....
Interested?