Wednesday, September 17, 2008

To discuss a quick synopsis of Andy's latest failure

Wow- I had no idea that dog posts are the cornerstone to good blogging. You guys love your dog posts. I'll keep that in mind.
I wasn't planning on writing anything else for today, but I just thought you'd enjoy my daily dose of embarrassment*...

I had just finished getting my hair cut... This time, I made sure not to talk about anyone's dead boyfriend... Actually, I didn't speak at all (although I should have, because she didn't quite cut it the way I like. I always feel bad saying anything, like it's their artistic creation).
I walked over to a nearby Quiznos to delight my stomach with The Traditional. As I'm ordering, in walks a woman in her early 20s, with long, dark wavy hair, who is impeccably dressed. She's out of my league, but if you know anything about baseball, they do September call-ups for players in the minors. So my chances are good.
Except, you know, my neutered dog has more testicular fortitude than me at this moment.
I glance back at her, then move down the line. I glance over again (not staring, mind you. I didn't have the proper trench coat and bucket hat for that), and this time she gave me the smile, blush and look away. That, in girl body language, is the equivalent of "I will be the mother of your first born."**
So I complete my order and am now faced with dilemma of how to stall for time, since she is a couple people back. I take an unusually long time filling my drink and pretending to call someone on my cell phone. She finishes getting all her stuff and is right behind me as I walk out the door- which I held for her.
The following conversation took place:
Her: "Thanks."
Me: "No problem."
Me: (thinking) "What is wrong with you, Andy? Say something @#%*&#$. She's right there. She gave you the look-away! Say something about the delicious meats you just got... anything."
Me: (Speaking quietly) "Uh...mm....uh"

She walked to her car. I walked toward the end of the lot to mine, after blowing an opportunity that had God's fingerprints all over it.
Here's the kicker. Right before I get in my car, she drives by AND DOES THE CUTE GIRL WAVE AT ME. Then, she drives away.

* Necessary note before reading on- Ladyfriend and I did not work out- just one of those things. She is a great person. I still hope to find someone to commit elderly suicide with.
** I'm not too far off, ladies, and you know it.


Anonymous said...

Hey, that sounds like something I would do. And by "would do," I mean, "do all the time." Don't be like me.

Me said...

She probably thought you were "special." I do that all the time.

SouthernBelle said...

Oh Andy. Missed opportunities suck bigtime!

Here's the deal; no one is truly out of your league. Let me explain my theory:

a) If she thinks she's out of your league (regardless of whether it's true)and is a horrible person, she will reject you but it will be for the best since she's horrible.

b)If she's "just not that into you" (aka out of your league and knows it) but is a nice person, she'll lie & say she has a boyfriend and everyone's feelings will be spared.

c) If she is really out of your league but doesn't know it, you'll end up with a hot girlfriend!

You might be able to turn a (b) into a (c) if you learn French and figure out how to drop some in a casual conversation. Or take the dog with you everywhere once the cone comes off. Cute dogs are chick magnets.

Diane said...

So, are you going back to Quizno's every day for the next couple of weeks 'til you see her again? 'Cause that's totally what I'd be tempted to do. 'Cause I'm obsessive that way.

Anyway, look at the bright side... at least your zipper wasn't down. Your zipper wasn't down, was it?

A fair fairy said...

aww - the romantic idea of elderly suicide is not dead!! yeah!

but except for that - I really don't know how the first approach can ever be made... I suppose I don't believe in meeting people in the street ... ? huh I think I finally said it.

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

"I glance back at her, then move down the line. I glance over again (not staring, mind you. I didn't have the proper trench coat and bucket hat for that)"

I can see this in my mind so clearly. Such a classic Andy move. Did you have one arm crossed with the other arm resting on it and your hand to your mouth/other area on your face?

BTW, you should've said something. I always want that cute guy that comes into my office to just ball up and ask for my number. I mean, seriously, what do you have to loose? Never going into that Quizno's again? As women, we try to be as obvious as possible (big smiles, nervous giggles, etc.) How much more obvious do you want to get than a blush??? Sheesh :)

Andy said...

Josh- I feel ya, bro
Me- Since your blog is "Things Men Say," would this qualify as "Things Men Don't Say"?
Southern- Excellent theories. And Bailey is a chick magnet... if he'd stop growling at them.
Diane- Uh, no, I won't keep going back. That would be crazy...(nodding head)...Crap, was my fly down? Now I'm paranoid.
Fair- If you want to kill yourself beside me, let me know
Logarithmic- Come to think of it, that is a classic Andy Shaw pose. I wasn't doing it, although I was doing her with my eyes.

Anonymous said...

Andy! Wha...what happened man? She waved? Sounds to me as though you would have gotten a number.

Andy said...

Haute, I am so painfully aware of that it hurts. Dumbest mistake of the month, even more than driving to Harrisburg to get stood up again. I am now only hoping I see her around again, which is possible, since it's small town Pa. and it looked like she was on a lunch break.

Miss Tiff said...

Dude Andy you so should have made a move on that one.

Sam_I_am said...

It's a shame you don't live closer or I'd hook you up with my bff. But, she's a virgin and you're well.... you know your nickname ;-)

Andy said...

Oh Sweet Jesus, what nickname? However many people you think I've slept with, I can guarantee it's less

Sam_I_am said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sam_I_am said...

wasn't it "man-whore" at one point? or I'm possibly confusing you with another young, lonely college student. Remember, most of the time I've known you, you were in a committed relationship. The short amount of time that you were single, I was a freshman, scared ****less of college life.

Also, I try to not think about how many people you have or haven't slept with, it just not an image that I want ;-)

but hey, if you wanna meet her, let me know. Last guy I introduced her to was a burnout and she still hasn't completely forgiven me. haha.

sj said...

this may sound stalkery of me, but i say you should give that quiznos a second attempt for lunch. maybe she's a regular?

if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. don't beat yourself up over it.

Anonymous said...

What is it with you boys and posts about lost opportunities? Seriously, muster up some courage man. Jeeeeeez.

What's the worst that happens? She steals your money, kicks you in the balls and runs? Oh wait, no, that's very unlikely. She just might say no. Ouch, big woopie-doo, as my grandmother would say.

Dude, I just might have more testicular fortitude and I'm all chick. Trust me.

siovhan said...

i think i have this exact interchange DAILY at work. only i'm the one saying "buhuhehshgehy" when they smile at me.

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