">

Sunday, September 7, 2008

To discuss what went right ...

Andy looked at the flower bouquet in the passenger seat. Silently, for everything that night was about silence, he picked up the flowers, got out of his car parked by his apartment, walked calmly to a nearby dumpster and bashed those motherf'rs in one, sweet blow to the ground before tossing in the remaining stem carcass, as petals fluttered in the air like Forrest Gump's feather.
----
That's how my weekend ended. You must be interested, then, to know what led up to that point, right?(If not, dude, what's up? What, you want chain saws and explosions involved? It's a low-budget blog.)
Let's start off with the good...
Saturday was a total wash, weather wise, because Hurricane Anna used the East Coast as the tampon for her rainstorm period. But, I did get to hang out with a new Ladyfriend. So as not to jinx anything with Ladyfriend, especially on the off chance she finds this blog (in that case, um, you look pretty), I'll skip much of the details. It wasn't a date, officially- we met on a friendly level. It was an online connection.
Just know there was bowling involved, and we both got schooled by a neighboring toddler- and you know how I hate that. And Ladyfriend's got lots of wonderful qualities. And, at one point while discussing The Notebook (Good God I end up talking about that movie a lot), I made the off-the-cuff statement that I'd prefer if my wife and I died at the same time to avoid heartache, so maybe it would be best if we did a double suicide. Double. Suicide. My. Words. W. T. H.
There's nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who wants to go all Romeo and Juliet on her in her golden years. What in the world was I thinking.
In any case, given her good sense of humor and my exquisite good looks, everything went well...
And then, dear, dear friends, there was today...I got stood up twice, by the same girl (not Ladyfriend, mind you), in two different towns- although, to be fair, for legitimate reasons.
Want to know more? Check back later (I'm a bigger master of suspense than M. Night Shyamalan), after you've read all of my new, two-part Question and Answer feature with Haute Pocket. If all this doesn't get you through Monday, then what will?
No, seriously. What will? Like, LSD? Heavy petting? Cause I'll do what it takes.
The Q&A will be posted first thing Monday morning, with the second half coming mid-afternoon on Haute's site (in the meantime, check out her recent post about her dog eating $20.)

4 comments:

Diane said...

Double suicide. Hmmmm. After you said it, did you have one of those, "Oh, f*ck me, what just came out of my mouth?!" moments? I hate those. And they always happen on first dates, don't they? Can't wait to read about the rest of your weekend...

hautepocket said...

Maybe some french fries. French fries would definitely help. And honestly, stop being so hilarious...my gut hurts.

Insane Mama said...

Wow, thanks for all the advice, can I quit going to my therapist now? 'cause he is getting expensive. My boyfriend and I live together, and have been together for three years. HIs ex is a fat nasty bitch so I don't really think he want THAT cake...trust me. It's the legal system that is stalling, you know courts

Teej said...

How many ladies do you have going at once is my question... can't wait to hear the rest.

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin