Tuesday, October 28, 2008

To discuss International Relations: Part 2

(Before reading this half, go to AmyXXOO's site for the first half of our co-blog on cultural stereotypes)

The following is the second half of our Americans vs. Australians stereotype lists, with this section's stereotypes done by Australian AmyXXOO. These common stereotypes may or may not be true about both countries... We hope it's your favorite (or favourite!) list of all time.

Comments by Andy are in italics, comments by AmyXXOO are in bold.

....And now, for Amy's list:


1.All know how to wrestle crocodiles
If only this was true, because that would be fun to watch. If they had a TV show like that, Americans would watch all the time.
I can see it now - Outwit, Outlast, Out Wrestle.

2. Eat " shrimp on the barbie "
Not to be confused with eating crustaceans on a plastic doll. I'm guessing you never actually eat shrimp on the barbie, or consider it equal to us eating hot dogs- no big deal. Outback Steakhouse is to blame for this.
Outback Steakhouse is the devil! If any of you readers were actually under the impression that Outback Steakhouse is authentically Australian, you are sorely mistaken. Oh, and for the record, we don't call them shrimp - they're called prawns. Prawns, people, prawns.
For the record, they didn't call it Bubba Gump Prawns in "Forrest Gump." I'm just saying.

3. If they don't live in a major city, they must live in the "Outback."
I'm trying to think of Australian cities off the top of my head, and it's a short list. Americans are so very terrible at world geography. Uh, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Newcastle, Kangaroo, Boomerang...I do like the idea of the "Outback." We call that the "boonies" here. Not as fun.
Wow Andy - I'm impressed you knew Newcastle which, as any good Australian knows, is home to the best rugby league team in the country (Go the Knights!). And I don't necessarily know if the Outback is all that fun (not that I've ever been there). It's kind of desolate, and dry and empty. Not exactly a barrel of monkeys, especially if you're lost out there.
I only know Newcastle because I was born in New Castle, PA, so it sticks out...So it sounds like half of your country is wasted space. Nice. Over here, we call that "Montana."

4. Are all buffed, bronzed and beach-going
At least your Olympians are that way. I'd like to date them. So, are there fat Australians? Do you put them in caves?
I'd like to date some of our Olympians too. Please? But sure, we have fat Australians. We don't put them in caves per say, we just don't feature them in glamourous tourism campaigns.
Glamourous... There you go again with your fancy spellings.

5. Have kangaroos hopping around in the streets
I imagine Australians rural roads to be overrun with kangaroos like we are overrun with deer. Most people I know in Pennsylvania have hit a deer. Have you hit a kangaroo? I'd like to take a ride in their pouch.
No, I've never hit a roo. To be honest, I don't think my little car could take it. However, I have almost hit a deer when I lived in NJ, and have run over numerous rabbits. Bunny lovers everywhere hate me.
A roo? Is that what you call them? I like that.


1. Are stupid and/or ignorant compared to other nations
This is remarkably true in many cases, though some people are worldly. Many of our children don't score as high on tests, we have little knowledge of world events and have a tough time making independent, coherent thoughts. Other than that, we rock. And we have Gridiron.
I cannot count how many times Ivy League educated Americans asked me about crocodiles, sharks, the Opera House, the Harbour bridge and other such inane topics. I had a BBQ with some other au pairs once and an Austrian girl told me she was always getting asked about the Opera House. An Austrian girl, from Austria. Austria and Australia = two different countries people.
How is that Opera House, anyway? Also- why do families sign up to have a hot, teenage foreign girl in their house? People in Connecticut did that all the time, and I just don't understand it. Are you trying to get your husband to bang her? Cause he will. In three different languages.
2. Will always be the loudest, most obnoxious tourists in any given country
No, that would be Canadians and Germans. Just kidding. If we are obnoxious, it's because we're commenting how cute it is that you have your own little country and are trying just so gosh darn hard to live like us.
Germans are the most clinical and robotic tourists in any given country. Don't get me started on Germans.
3. Are unwaveringly patriotic
Never, ever make fun of the military here. People take it very seriously. And display an American flag outside your window with great frequency so as not to be identified as part of al Qaeda. The ironic thing is this country was founded by revolutionaries (who also owned slaves and cheated on their wives, but hey, we love our Fourth of July fireworks... which are made in China). Related note before I get shot: I do love being an American. One great thing about being an American is you are free to say how sometimes it's not great to be an American.
And I love being Australian - we reserve the right to shorten all our words, have numerous unnecessary public holidays and call everybody " mate." Ah, aint this the life?

4. Have proven time and time again to be "trigger happy"
Sometimes you have to bust a cap in someone's ass. The conundrum- people want to buy guns to protect themselves from other people with guns. But if we got rid of all the guns, then we wouldn't have that problem, except people would always believe there is someone out there to get them. Most of that is our Second Amendment right to bear arms... although that is specifically citing the need for a militia, not to defend your apartment from burglars.
You should try what we did - have a gun amnesty. Everyone voluntarily hands in their guns to the police, gun crime goes down - and stabbings and glassings go waaaaaaay up. Glassings - the new drive by.
Glassings? Wow, what a word.

5. Are in love with fast food
We are known for being overweight- which, after watching "Supersize Me," is more apparent than ever. We eat fast food all the time, knowing full well how terrible it is to consume.
Yep, you guys are fat. Sadly Australia is moving its way up on the fat-o-scale. I think we're top 5 now - go us!

Big thanks to AmyXXOO for indulging me on this one...Thanks. Check out her blog regularly. You'll laugh frequently, I promise.


Courtney said...

Just wanted to let you know how much I am enjoying your blog!!! Seriously, and that's not just reciprocal blog comment b.s. ! :)

Amy xxoo said...

Wow, that Amyxxoo chick is awesome!
No, seriously, thanks for letting me in on the co-blog Andy - though thats the first time i remember reading the " whyw ould you have a foreign girl in your house ? " part.

Banging your host father ? Ewwww, no!

Ben said...

These collab posts are making my life these days. Well doen.

Miss Tiff said...

Great Job you guys. :) My favorite sentence was the "Related note before I get shot". You're funny Andy. (You already know that though.)

SouthernBelle said...

Ah, Outback Steakhouse, home of such authentically Australian dishes as Kookaburra Wings (ie renamed buffalo wings)with ranch dressing (which as far as I know doesn't exist in Aus.), cheesy fries and Bloomin' Onions (neither of which have ever been heard of in Aus.)

To be fair, it's not that Americans are actually stupider than anyone else per se - it's just that their education system is designed to encourage patriotism above world interests. That is to say, Americans are taught that they live in the greatest country in the world, so why ever would they take more than a passing interest in other countries?

Lump said...

hmmm Newcastle. I like Newcastle beer. YUM.

kisatrtle said...

Bust a cap in someones ass...okay I've learned never to be drinking anything while reading your blog. You are too funny. Thanks for continuing to enlighten me. Who knew Austrialia has so many cities? I'm still trying to figure out the state capitals you quizzed me on last week.

alexis said...

I've never hit a deer!

Debbi said...

LOL @ "we call that Montana".
BTW-- Canadians are NOT rowdy and obnoxious! I'm just saying. (biased,Me??)

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