To discuss a Month in Review: Mr. October

If anything, each passing month seems to be more interesting than the last, which I take to be a good thing. It's been three months since I started this blog. In the past month, I've reached my 100 post mark, been to the top of the Gateway Arch in St. Louis, and paid people to make me feel nauseated. I even debuted a video, with another on the way.
On to the good stuff:

• Favorite movie: "Home Alone" Technically, I did not see this movie in October, but Capricorn (the girlfriend) bought it and we intend to watch it soon. There are so many things to like about this movie: The soundtrack, the pranks, Macaulay Culkin before he got full of himself in "Home Alone 2," lax airport security before 9/11, pumping someone's guts full of lead...Runner-up: "No Country for Old Men."(I haven't actually watched it, but I have the Blockbuster by Mail package on top of my DVD player, so I feel I've viewed its awesomeness by osmosis.)
  
• Least favorite movie: "Quarantine." Duh. I do expect anyone who has since seen this movie to leave a comment with their thoughts. I appreciate all of you who listened to my words of warning. Runner-up: Some random movie on AMC made in the 1970s about a haunted painting.
  
• Favorite song: "Use Somebody" Kings of Leon. This band has quickly become one of my favorite bands of late. I put this song on Capricorn's mix CD, in part because I thought "Sex on Fire" might be a bit too strong of a message. Runner up: "Always Where I Need to Be," The Kooks.
  
• Least favorite song: "Miss Independent" Ne-yo. Did nobody let him know that Kelly Clarkson already dibbed this?...Runner-up "T-Shirt," Shontelle (Did nobody let her know that Jessica Simpson already dibbed this?).
  
• Favorite album: "Amnesiac" Radiohead. But Andy, hasn't this album been out for almost a decade? Why, yes, Voice in My Head, it has, but this is my post so deal with it... This was the album that got me hooked on Radiohead, which makes no sense because it's one of their least popular and well-known albums. When people think of Radiohead, they think of "Creep" from Pablo Honey, or "Karma Police" from OK Computer. A song from Amnesiac is like the redheaded stepchild that's awkward and misunderstood, but you realize has a lot of potential- Tampanga on early episodes of "Boy Meets World," if you will... I could listen to "I Might Be Wrong" or "Dollars & Cents" a thousand times, even though Thom Yorke's pronunciation skills are somewhere between Eliza Doolittle with a mouth full of marbles and Stephen Hawking. You know an album is weird when your girlfriend wakes up in the middle of a song and asks why people are banging broomsticks. Runner-up: "Causing a Catastrophe-Live," Flickerstick. (No least favorite album... but feel free to suggest one).
  
• Best TV Show: "Raising the Bar" This TNT show isn't the best TV show I watched, technically. But I can't stop watching it, in part because there are Saved by the Bell connections, in part because one of the attorneys, Bobbi, needs to be the mother of my child based on her predilection to being hot all the time, and in part because it's the first legal show I've seen that focuses on the public defender's office. Runner up: "30 Rock" and "America's Next Top Model."
  
• Worst TV show: NFL broadcasts. I love watching football, but I can't stand the announcers and the pre-game guys. They always have to say "National Football League" instead of using the acronym; they can't just say "field," it's the "football field"; and they have trouble forming sentences that aren't directly based off of what the previous guy said. If they were talking about the election, it'd go like this: First dude: "When you're talking about winning the election to become president of the United States of America, you need to make sure you're driving home the votes in the final hours with the citizens of the United States of America." Second dude: "You're absolutely right. Being the president of the United States of America is all about dedication, and no one shows dedication with Americans more than someone who is running for the presidency in the United States of America."
  
• Best moment: Fall Fest 2008 and my trip to St. Louis.
  
• Worst moment: It was a good month, I have to say. But I do wish that I wasn't so quickly forgotten at my alma mater.
  
• Best decision: Applying to go to the St. Louis seminar for reporters, which reminded me of why I like my career.
  
• Worst decision: Starting the Jaguars' Fred Taylor over the Panthers' DeAngelo Williams last week in my fantasy football game, as Taylor laid an egg and Williams scored a bunch of points. It cost me a victory- my first one this season. If you are a girl and could care less about those two guys, continue reading and pretend this paragraph never happened. If you are a dude or a girl who likes sports and is awesome, feel my pain.
• Favorite Blog Entry by Me: I had two fun co-blogs in October, one with Miss Tiff and one with Amy XXOO. Runner up: To Discuss Making Capricon Uber-legal to Date.
  
• Favorite Blog Entry by Someone Else: Sam I Am had one of the funniest posts I've read in a long time, recalling jr. high school life in abridged form. A sample: "Bell: Gym class...football!...Me: I'll be center *slam* (smashes into one girl) *boom* (knocks another one over) *whap (Bulldozers another)...Random girl: two people cover Sam...Me to teammate: We're undefeated."... Runner-up: "Scary Experience" by Sheila (it'll freak you out) and "Not For the Weak Stomachs in the Audience" by Muffy Willowbrook (hysterical and off-putting).
  
  Quick blog thought: If you regularly read this blog and you noticed that I've never checked your blog out, please let me know. I do try to visit everyone who visits me, in particular those who leave a comment. If you don't say anything, I'll assume you're just an Internet stalker, which is fine with me. If you've never left a comment on here before, now's a great time to start. It'll be therapeutic. You can even make fun of me, like we're back in middle school and I'm noticeably scrawnier with an affinity for pop rock like Duncan Sheik.

To discuss International Relations: Part 2

(Before reading this half, go to AmyXXOO's site for the first half of our co-blog on cultural stereotypes)

The following is the second half of our Americans vs. Australians stereotype lists, with this section's stereotypes done by Australian AmyXXOO. These common stereotypes may or may not be true about both countries... We hope it's your favorite (or favourite!) list of all time.

Comments by Andy are in italics, comments by AmyXXOO are in bold.

....And now, for Amy's list:

Australians:

1.All know how to wrestle crocodiles
If only this was true, because that would be fun to watch. If they had a TV show like that, Americans would watch all the time.

I can see it now - Outwit, Outlast, Out Wrestle.

2. Eat " shrimp on the barbie "
Not to be confused with eating crustaceans on a plastic doll. I'm guessing you never actually eat shrimp on the barbie, or consider it equal to us eating hot dogs- no big deal. Outback Steakhouse is to blame for this.

Outback Steakhouse is the devil! If any of you readers were actually under the impression that Outback Steakhouse is authentically Australian, you are sorely mistaken. Oh, and for the record, we don't call them shrimp - they're called prawns. Prawns, people, prawns.
For the record, they didn't call it Bubba Gump Prawns in "Forrest Gump." I'm just saying.

3. If they don't live in a major city, they must live in the "Outback."
I'm trying to think of Australian cities off the top of my head, and it's a short list. Americans are so very terrible at world geography. Uh, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Newcastle, Kangaroo, Boomerang...I do like the idea of the "Outback." We call that the "boonies" here. Not as fun.
Wow Andy - I'm impressed you knew Newcastle which, as any good Australian knows, is home to the best rugby league team in the country (Go the Knights!). And I don't necessarily know if the Outback is all that fun (not that I've ever been there). It's kind of desolate, and dry and empty. Not exactly a barrel of monkeys, especially if you're lost out there.
I only know Newcastle because I was born in New Castle, PA, so it sticks out...So it sounds like half of your country is wasted space. Nice. Over here, we call that "Montana."

4. Are all buffed, bronzed and beach-going
At least your Olympians are that way. I'd like to date them. So, are there fat Australians? Do you put them in caves?

I'd like to date some of our Olympians too. Please? But sure, we have fat Australians. We don't put them in caves per say, we just don't feature them in glamourous tourism campaigns.
Glamourous... There you go again with your fancy spellings.

5. Have kangaroos hopping around in the streets
I imagine Australians rural roads to be overrun with kangaroos like we are overrun with deer. Most people I know in Pennsylvania have hit a deer. Have you hit a kangaroo? I'd like to take a ride in their pouch.

No, I've never hit a roo. To be honest, I don't think my little car could take it. However, I have almost hit a deer when I lived in NJ, and have run over numerous rabbits. Bunny lovers everywhere hate me.
A roo? Is that what you call them? I like that.

Americans:

1. Are stupid and/or ignorant compared to other nations
This is remarkably true in many cases, though some people are worldly. Many of our children don't score as high on tests, we have little knowledge of world events and have a tough time making independent, coherent thoughts. Other than that, we rock. And we have Gridiron.

I cannot count how many times Ivy League educated Americans asked me about crocodiles, sharks, the Opera House, the Harbour bridge and other such inane topics. I had a BBQ with some other au pairs once and an Austrian girl told me she was always getting asked about the Opera House. An Austrian girl, from Austria. Austria and Australia = two different countries people.
How is that Opera House, anyway? Also- why do families sign up to have a hot, teenage foreign girl in their house? People in Connecticut did that all the time, and I just don't understand it. Are you trying to get your husband to bang her? Cause he will. In three different languages.

2. Will always be the loudest, most obnoxious tourists in any given country
No, that would be Canadians and Germans. Just kidding. If we are obnoxious, it's because we're commenting how cute it is that you have your own little country and are trying just so gosh darn hard to live like us.

Germans are the most clinical and robotic tourists in any given country. Don't get me started on Germans.

3. Are unwaveringly patriotic

Never, ever make fun of the military here. People take it very seriously. And display an American flag outside your window with great frequency so as not to be identified as part of al Qaeda. The ironic thing is this country was founded by revolutionaries (who also owned slaves and cheated on their wives, but hey, we love our Fourth of July fireworks... which are made in China). Related note before I get shot: I do love being an American. One great thing about being an American is you are free to say how sometimes it's not great to be an American.

And I love being Australian - we reserve the right to shorten all our words, have numerous unnecessary public holidays and call everybody " mate." Ah, aint this the life?

4. Have proven time and time again to be "trigger happy"
Sometimes you have to bust a cap in someone's ass. The conundrum- people want to buy guns to protect themselves from other people with guns. But if we got rid of all the guns, then we wouldn't have that problem, except people would always believe there is someone out there to get them. Most of that is our Second Amendment right to bear arms... although that is specifically citing the need for a militia, not to defend your apartment from burglars.

You should try what we did - have a gun amnesty. Everyone voluntarily hands in their guns to the police, gun crime goes down - and stabbings and glassings go waaaaaaay up. Glassings - the new drive by.
Glassings? Wow, what a word.

5. Are in love with fast food
We are known for being overweight- which, after watching "Supersize Me," is more apparent than ever. We eat fast food all the time, knowing full well how terrible it is to consume.

Yep, you guys are fat. Sadly Australia is moving its way up on the fat-o-scale. I think we're top 5 now - go us!
------------

Big thanks to AmyXXOO for indulging me on this one...Thanks. Check out her blog regularly. You'll laugh frequently, I promise.

To discuss an order to go somewhere else, Part 1

After you are done reading the Weekend Update, head over to AmyXXOO...As I mentioned before, I wanted to tackle cultural stereotypes with a blog post, after I so rudely made a stereotype about native Australians. What better way to do that than do an "International Relatons" co-blog with an Australian who also happens to be hilarious and witty, right? Even better, we make up our own stereotypes and then confirm them with scientific research (by that I mean a few random observations with no firm facts).
So check the first half out today, with the other half coming on this blog tomorrow, U.S. Eastern time ( in Australian time, that's even sooner than you think. You better hurry).

To discuss a survey of middle school proportions

Several people- by several, I mean Teej and AmyXXOO, in particular- have now tagged me to do this survey thing, which reminds me of those chain e-mails you get that I used in high school to get to know people rather than actually talking to them (which takes a lot of effort. A lot.)
So here I am, doing one. It looks to be a good Saturday-esque post, anyway.


A. Attached or single ? I'm a week and a half into Attachedville, population Capricorn and me. Related note: One of my real life friends who lives in another part of the state had to ask me what Capricorn's real name is, because she only knew about Capricorn through the blog. That's either really sad or really funny. Decide.

B. Best friend ? Bailey. Second place: Jesus.

C. Cake or pie ? Ice cream cake is the best.

D. Day of choice ? There is an episode of "Doug" where he and Skeeter invent a day of the week. I swear I'm remembering this correctly. I think his neighbor, Bud Dunk, had an invention for it. I feel like you should know all this. Anyway, I choose that day.

E. Essential item ? Pants. I try not to leave home without them.

F. Favourite colour ? I left this spelling of "favorite" in to appease my Australian readers-- this means you, Amy. You Aussies and your funny spellings and your opposite seasons. Also: Blue.

G. Gummy bears or worms ? I used to really love those Swedish fish until I ate a whole box of them in one sitting and felt cherry death creep up my throat.

H. Hometown ? A Pa. town with no stoplights, a general store and no chain stores.

I. ( favourite ) Indulgence ? Needless electronics or Banana Republic clothes.

J. January or July ? July. January is December's redheaded stepchild.

K. Kids ? I do not have any that I'm aware of at this time.

L.Life isnt complete without ? God is the correct and appropriate answer. The funny answer is Shamrock Milkshakes from McDonalds each March.

M. Marriage date ? Did you know that I was supposed to be married for more than two years already?

N. Number of brothers and sisters ? One of each. I'm the middle child.

O. Oranges or apples ? Apples.

P. Phobias ? That a whole generation of kids now only know Mario Lopez as the host of America's Best Dance Crew/that Dancing with the Stars guy.

Q. Quotes? Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: "Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha." Count me in, Charlie. I'm all gay for God too.

R. Reasons to smile? Genital herpes commercials in which the girlfriend never seems upset that her boyfriend has herpes.

S. Season of choice ? Fall

T. Tag five people ? At this point, if you want to do this, do it. Or I'll punch you in the ovaries.

U. Unknown fact about me? The taste of bananas makes me gag.

V. Vegetable ? Is it in bad form to say Terry Shiavo? Good, cause I won't do that. Also: Corn.

W. Worst habit ? Saying inappropriate Helen Keller jokes.

X. X-ray or ultrasound ? I'm changing this question to read X-Men, Favorite? That would be Nightcrawler. Unless we're talking about making out with one of them. That would be Storm. Unless we're talking about who has the coolest power. That would be Wolverine. Unless we're talking about the best X-Men movie. That would be the first one. Unless we're talking about what would be my mutant power. That would be run-on sentences and appropriate use of the semi-colon.

Y. Your favourite food ? At the current moment, Nilla Wafers are causing my taste buds to giggle and gossip about the flavors to come.

Z. Zodiac sign ? Aquarius, which is only good if you want to sing "Age of Aquarius" with me. Which I'll do.