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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

To discuss making a Mix CD guaranteed to offend small children

An overview of last night. For references, see yesterday's post:

Capricorn and I took Bailey for a follow-up visit to Grey's Anatomy: Vet Edition. If you recall, Bailey has been incessantly licking his paws, so he's been wearing a E-collar for three weeks to help him stop. His paws no longer look like war wounds, but they don't look great, either.
After several of the Grey's team- I think it was Izzie and Meredith- fawned over how cute Bailey is, we went back to some dungeon of a room next to a construction area.
They once again stuck a thermometer where the sun don't shine- on Bailey, not me- and the head vet, still wearing a sleeveless shirt like German's participant in the shot put event, came in to examine Bailey's paws.
She was pleased with the progress, but wants another three weeks of antibiotics and cone wearing just to be safe.
That led to this giant cone, which I believe was last used on a St. Bernard. While Bailey had trouble not smacking the cone off of things last time, his new cone has now given the strong possibility that he'll be stuck on his head with his butt wiggling in the air. I will Youtube it. It will be amazing.

After we left the Grey's team-- let's recall that I'm Dr. McDreamy in this analogy- Capricorn decided she wanted coffee. But not just any coffee. She wanted wild pumpkin latte from some coffee place in Maryland about half an hour away. Road trip.
Capricorn was jonesing for coffee in much the same fashion a heroin addict seeks a needle, only without the drug addiction or stigma. She almost giggled with excitement when she ordered. I will say, that was a cool coffee shop (Caribou Coffee). There were the requisite people on their laptops and wearing plastic framed glasses, so I knew we were going to be fine.

While it was fun going on a random escapade in the pursuit of coffee (I hate coffee, btw. I drink hot chocolate), what was truly the most amazing portion of the trip came on the tail end.
As I drove us back, Capricorn found an old CD a then-boyfriend of hers made when they were about 18.
Yes, dear friends. It's a classic Mix CD (which used to be a mix tape... which is now a mix MP3???). Now, there's nary a boy who hasn't made a Mix CD for his Ladyfriend. I've made several.
But this one is different. Remember, we're talking about a high school boy who is a virgin.
The following are some of my favorite selections and lyrics, as each track unfolded on the car speakers like a sexual symphony to my ears.

Ludacris, "Splash Waterfalls": "Know how to mack a (bleep), she's on your (bleep) and (bleep)
You call her (Sweet God in Heaven, Bleep Bleep Bleep). (Bleep Bleep) .... I'd include more lyrics, but the FCC would have a heart attack.
JKwon "Getting Tipsy": "Everybody in the club getting tipsy"........I'm fairly certain this song is meant to say, Hey, can you get drunk so I can take advantage of you?
Twista, "Slow Jamz,": "She got a light skinned friend look like Michael Jackson/ Got a dark skinned friend look like Michael Jackson." Good call, Ex-Boyfriend. This song is funny.
NSync, "Girlfriend": Uh,dude? Dude?!? You can't put on "Splash Waterfalls" and then have NSync. Not that this is a bad song. But now she might be confused that you also have given this CD to your boyfriend.
Dashboard Confessional, Some Random Song of Theirs: You know this CD is made by a teenager when you use Dashboard to express your romantic angst.

Fortunately, Ex-Boyfriend redeemed himself with:
Ludacris, "What's Your Fantasy": Awesome, man. With all of your previous sexual conquests in hand, you want to close the deal with a song that asks the girl to do you on a football field and in the back of the club, and at one point announces "Rough sex, make it hurt."

It's amazing you two still aren't together.

-------
A play by play of Making the Band is coming up soon. It was crazy. One of the Danity Kane band members is on her way out! In related news, Capricorn told me I'm too involved in the show. She's silly.

11 comments:

SouthernBelle said...

Ugh, the words "mix CD" remind me of the one that was made for me by Stalky McDouche (the same one that put milk in before cereal) as part of his campaign to win me back after dumping me. He somehow managed to get the CD to reek of his cologne. I threw it away pretty much immediately.

P.S. I hate coffee too! I think it just tastes like dirty hot water. Love hot chocolate though, but it has to have marshmallows. I also like hot vanilla-flavored milk with frothy milk on top.

Miss Tiff said...

1.) Poor Bailey. I feel bad for the little guy.
2.) I hate coffee too! Yuck. I'm a hot chocolate or tea kind of gal.
3.) Can't wait to read your play by play of Making the Band..

amindinmotown said...

Okay, firstly, I, too, drink hot chocolate - not coffee. And Caribou (you know it's a chain, right?) has a pretty decent cup of the stuff, but I still prefer my Dunkin Donuts if I'm heading to a franchise.

In other news... Your poor puppy! =( My dog has been having issues constantly itching, biting, licking herself. I was told it's an allergy to her food. Let's hope that's true, because that cone look would simply not work out for her.

I totally watching Making the Band 4 last night (debate? PSH, I need the drama of Danity Kane!), and (pardon me for sounding 14 years old, but...) OMG, I cannot believe the shit that went down!! Wasn't that supposed to be the season finale? 'Cause if so, I think we were tricked into watching another "season finale" next week.

P.S. I know I said I'd post about my Scranton angst yesterday, but I had a headache so that didn't quite work out. I'll try again today.

amindinmotown said...

I totally "watched," not "watching."

Damn it, I should have proofread. My bad.

Ben said...

When thermometers go in the backdoor of my puppies I cringe because they get into full pooping position. I'm terrified that in protest, they're just going to let loose on the examination table.

So far, so good.

joshlos said...

I have to give him credit for including "What's Your Fantasy." Any mixtape with a song including a line mentioning GoBots gets a thumbs-up from me.

RainbowEclipse said...

I've pulled up a few of my old mix CD's, and apparently it's a rule that you must put that one gawd-awful song on there that makes you hate your prior self....

For me, that song was "Who let the dogs out?!"..... As if I'd ever need to hear that song again once they finally stopped looping it on the radio stations...

Amy xxoo said...

Mix CDs rock! I actually quite enjoy making them for other people - not boyfriends of course, because i dont have any, but my other people. So, when my brother said " dont buy me anything for my birthday, make me a cd " thats what i did; my sister is a beauty therapist and needed music to play in her therapy room, so Amy made her a sweet cd. YOu know, i just love sharing good music with good people...

Andy said...

Belle- This makes me wonder what songs he had on there. Was it "Every Breath You Take"?
Tiff- Coffee tastes like dirty toilets.
Mind- I promise to have all of that drama encapsulated in my play by play tomorrow.
Ben- Here's hoping your dachshund doesn't poop on the table.
Josh- Agreed.
RainbowBright- Let's keep that between the two of us.
Amy- Capricorn now wants a Mix CD. I'm doomed.

hautepocket said...

HATE COFFEE? I might have to stop reading your blog just based on principle. Okay, lies. I could never do that. But seriously, at least Capricorn has some common sense! (Caribou's coffee is Jesus liquefied.)

Also, poor Bailey. But please You Tube. I need that in my life.

SouthernBelle said...

Andy - I'm not too sure what was on there... I know there was that one Cardigans song from Romeo+Juliet that goes "Love me love me, say that you love me" and also the Macy Gray song that goes "Try to say goodbye and I choke, try to walk away and I stumble". Your basic "take me back pleeeeease" songs. Except I'm pretty sure none of them conveyed the most appropriate message which was "I'm sorry I dumped your ass after almost 3 years to see what else I could hump, because I can't get anything else, and now I need sex again, and well, here you are."

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