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Friday, November 7, 2008

To discuss things to bring to work other than cynicism

One of my co-workers had to bring in his Rottweiler today because he doesn't have time to to get his dog after work when he heads off to vacation.
The dog looks exactly Snots, the dog that drank all the water out of the Griswold family Christmas tree tub, except this dog isn't drooling and is well-mannered.
I brought Bailey into work a few times when I was living in Connecticut. He slept on my lap the whole day, except for when he unexpectedly barked under a table at an editor and nearly caused spontaneous peeing in a grown man.
So, as per my Friday tradition of being random, here are other things I wish we could bring to work:
  • Best friends/significant others: How much better would work be if the BFF was with you? You wouldn't get jack done, but you'd enjoy filling out those TPS reports a lot more, right?
  • Liquor: In the old days, reporters used to drink at their desk. Now, I drink green tea out of a clear plastic bottle, which everyone assumes is filled with a urine sample. (Not true)
  • A bed: I would be much more productive if I could power nap for 15 minutes every four hours. They do this in Japan or some Asian country, I think. And I don't think it's fair that the women's restroom gets a couch in it, while the men just get urinals and body odor. We don't get cramps, but we do want a nice place to curl up in the fetal position.
  • A disc jockey: Wouldn't you appreciate a dance break every so often? Work work work Macarena work work work bump-n-grind work work work waltz.
  • Theme music: Every time I accomplish something, I'd like a theme song played, perhaps "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias or "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You" by NSync or "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco. Every time a coworker annoys me, I could play "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool. Every time I am about to leave for the day, I could play "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves, or "Skinamarinkadink" by The Elephant Show.
  • A fireplace: I'd get more done if I could do my talking by the fireplace, FDR style.
What would you bring?

20 comments:

scargosun said...

I like your idea of theme music if it is used sparingly...especially the one for annoying co-workers.

sj said...

well, i do listen to music all day long at my desk, so i guess that one's a big check.

and KAT and i have a picture of the two of us sprawled across our editor's desk back when we were reporters (so drink? check!)

and i would love to bring my dog in, because he makes me happy. but really? the best thing I could possibly bring in is a substitute for me, so i can drink wine and play with my dog while someone else does my work.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Sunshine, if you are in the hope-crushing, soul-depleting newspaper business, you should be able to bring whatever you want.

I would like a Cone of Silence. I know far more about the digestive issues and cootchie problems of my co workers than I ever, ever wanted.

kk said...

I've brought Vito to work before. He barks too much, so now he has to stay home.

As for alcohol, well, we always have that at work. In fact, there's beer in the fridge in my office right now. And it's Friday, so that means the weekly wine and cheese party. (wait, why am I looking for a new job?)

I would love a remote control that freezes time (like that Adam Sandler movie). So that way, when we're in a client meeting and the client starts acting awful, I can just freeze them and totally scream, "She's lying! She NEVER said that!" to my coworkers.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I'd play the song "Never There" by Cake and, if working, agree 100%with the naptime concept. I love it now and will be sad when it disappears.

~Sheila~ said...

At my last job...I've taken my kids to work with me several times. Fortunately, I know exactly what they need to remain occupied and on their best behavior in the eyes of my co-workers.
DOM- lots of thick books for reading. (he loves to read) or his MP3 player.
MIAH- her dolls or crayons
DEVYN- his hotwheels cars and a nice big area to play in.

stealthnerd said...

My office has cupcakes a lot, and sometimes booze, so I could skip that. But I'd definitely be down with a bed. Even a bean bag chair would be nice. And a bigger space heater than what we've got now. Sure they're illegal but I work better when my fingers aren't frozen to the keyboard.

Finger Talks said...

my best friend's coming to pick me up today and npw i'm making him come early and stay while i work so i have someone to talk to! you've inspired me!

So@24 said...

Yes. You're correct that Japan does that whole "sleep in this bunk bed capsule thing".

They are brilliant.

LBluca77 said...

I am all for the alcohol at work idea. Although I am not a big fan of the people I work with so things could get a bit crazy after a shot or two.

Nilsa said...

I would want HD TV at work. I know, some people got it. Not me. And I think it's unfair that just because others can't work & watch TV at the same time, I should have to go without. Boo.

FunnyGal KAT said...

As a reporter, I was always being told stories from the old-timers at the paper how they all used to have bottles of booze in their desks and would go out for liquid lunches. It was one of the times I wouldn't have minded being around in the "old days." Being a reporter is enough to drive anyone to drink!

SouthernBelle said...

Our ladies room doesn't have a couch in it, just lingering chlorine odor and several pointed and overly punctuated signs about cleaning up after yourself.

I would love a nap-hammock in my office, or at least some kind of mattress to take a quick kip on long afternoons. Actually could use it right nzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Lump said...

Is that why there's a couch in the ladies' restroom?? For CRAMPS? Dude, I need to put that shit to use.

I don't know what I would bring to work... how about my whole house?

sj said...

wait, kat - you DIDN'T have a bottle in your desk when we were at the press?

Amy xxoo said...

I'd love to have a punching bag in my office. That way, when a customer and/or upper management piss me off, i could go and take my aggression out in a healthy way.

You know, instead of using the individual person as the punching bag - thats just not polite.

hautepocket said...

I love the idea about a workday soundtrack. however, I would enjoy extending the idea to a Life Soundtrack. I think the daily grind would be far more enjoyable with a little bit of themed tunage.

Dr Zibbs said...

Add tap shoes to that list. They never let you bring tap shoes even if you promise only to tap at lunch time and at the really far end of the parking lot.

bex said...

Soft-serve ice cream machine.

Paula said...

I'd bring alcohol too. A nice bottle of rose wine would definitely make work seem a little more appealing . . . :)

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