Monday, November 3, 2008

To discuss a Weekend Update: Don't Stop Believing in Halloween

I'd say that weekend flew by, but that would be a lie, since, in fact, it took an hour longer than usual.
It certainly was action-packed. After handing out candy on Friday night, I spent Saturday and Sunday with Capricorn. We had two main goals: buy a winter coat for me-- mine is all torn and worn down-- as well as attend a Halloween party at a brewery.

Before any of that could happen, I found out Saturday morning I was getting some large, unexpected bills, due immediately, that were basically going to be the Xerxes of costs to my 300 Spartans of budgets.

Now, financially, I've done relatively fine since the days of Little Debbie-gate... But this totally screwed me and, coupled with the fact that the interest rate on my credit card just spiked significantly out of nowhere (despite having good credit... in any case, it doesn't matter why, it happened), the minimum payment has now jumped blah blah blah Andy has a lot higher bills now.

This is all noteworthy so you understand why much of the Weekend Update involves a dollar store. You might also want to know that I don't get paid for a week and a half, so this will be like a delicate dance in which I try not to spend any money at all, as my fundraising capabilities are far less than the Obama campaign.
Fortunately, I've got a ton of Halloween candy to eat, and I also learned so much from reading about the Donner Party that I feel I could survive a tough winter living off of family members.#

On a good note, I took some financial steps to address this whole problem, but that's not really stuff for this blog. I do feel that many of you are having tough financial times lately, so let me join your cash-poor bandwagon. Hey, at least gas is cheaper.

On to the Weekend Update, which, as always, is mostly context free:

Things I saw:
  • Capricorn and I were in a shoe store in a giant Maryland mall infested with Christmas shoppers. As she perused the selection, I sat on a chair as boyfriends are prone to do in a shoe store. At that point, a skinny 12-year-old girl walked by wearing what can only be described as booty shorts pretending to be underwear. They weren't even long enough to put a word on the butt, like "Juicy" or "Princess" or "Property of My 19-year-old Boyfriend." ... It was awkward to see, so awkward that I shook my head along with a woman on the other end of the aisle. That girl isn't even old enough yet to have boys only pay attention to her for her body. I wanted to buy her pants and dignity.
  • Wedding decorations at the Dollar General. They have an array of items, including a garter belt and table decorations. Capricorn flatly refused to have a Dollar General wedding, even if the whole ordeal could be done for $13.
  • Dudes putting on dresses. Bube's Brewery was the site of the Halloween party that I went to with Capricorn and my Brother. I dressed as the Christmas Shopping Season Starting in July, Brother dressed as a farmer, and Capricorn, well, she originally was going to be a scary vampire-ish character but we soon decided she looked like a street walker. To be more family-oriented, we told people she was a Lady of the Night. To protect myself, I'm not including her half of the photo in case she's not a fan of me publicly posting an image of her looking like a contestant on "Paris Hilton's New BFF".... She did look hot, though. Anyway, we went to this labryinth-esque brewery with tons of rooms, each with different themes. On the top floor, there were old-style hotel rooms with dim lighting. It was a Halloween costume party, but still, it was off-putting seeing grown men calmly put on dresses in the rooms with the doors wide open. I need to go back another night to see if this is a regular feature.
Things I heard:
  • In Dollar General, "Don't Stop Believing" blared over the speakers. Since I'm buying groceries at the Dollar General, I think I gotta stop believing, right? I can't hold on to that feeling when I'm holding on to $1 ravioli, can I?
  • In a discount store full of random objects: "Michael Row The Boat Ashore." Well, I think it's about time I heard this church classic played in a store. Hallelujah.
Things I said:
  • Capricorn: "They have a lot of candy in here" at the Dollar General.
Me: "Yeah, because people without dental insurance really need to be eating more sugar."
# Do I mean that literally or figuratively? Depends if I get sick of Ramen.
How was your weekend?


kk said...

LOL – I've never been to a Dollar General, but I write in-store signage for them for one of our clients.

It's one of those places that I always thought was a myth...

Diane said...

Years ago I worked in an office with a hysterically funny woman (the receptionist). One of our district managers, a guy with notoriously expensive taste in everything, had been interviewing candidates for various management positions and was getting calls back from references. The receptionist was constantly on the intercom, letting him know he had calls. We worked in an open office, so everyone could hear her. So she beeps him and says, "Mike, you have a call on line 1 from Joe Manager at Dollar General." Then, without missing a beat, she says, "Something about a suit you ordered." The entire office erupted with laughter. That was long-winded, I know (sorry), but I can't hear/see 'Dollar General' without thinking about that :)

bex said...

Boooooooo. Only half a picture? Boooooooo. Show us the other half!

~Sheila~ said...

So you are in the Dollar store noticing the wedding decorations, huh? You know, you could always buy some now (on the DL) and save them for when you get married and no one will be the wiser. It's cheap. We are SURROUNDED by tons of dollar stores here..Family Dollar, Dollar General, Joy Dollar, Dollar Tree...Everything's $1..etc.

Guess you have to if you live so close to Mexico.

Mich. Girl said...

I just got hit with an unexpected bill so I had to buy my costume in the lil boys section of our local grocery store: Batman pjs... cape and all.

The shirt exposed my stomach so I fit in with all the college girls.

Best costume I saw: A guy spent 20 hours making an elaborate pole that fit over his whole body.

He was the "rape phone" from campus.

scargosun said...

look out for melamine in that food you bought...all I'm sayin.

Miss Tiff said...

That sucks about the whole unexpected bills thing. I hate it when that happens. Trust me you're not alone in having a tough financial time. Btw, nice costume. :)

Andy said...

KK- It's very, very real. Capricorn couldn't believe all the stuff you can buy there.
Diane- That was well worth the set-up. Nice punchline.
Bex- I'll see what I can do. I do value not getting a death stare over putting a fun photo on the blog, I'll be honest.
Sheila- If I can get an engagement ring from there, I'm all set.
Mich.- A rape phone(with the blue flashing light, right). Wow... That's either genius or horrific.
Scargosun- I'll add it to my list of things to worry about, right between testicular cancer and Grey's Anatomy getting weirder and weirder.
Tiff- Thanks. I put the whole thing together for $11 from Goodwill.

Ben said...

Tell Capricorn that it's easier to give in to the pull of the internet. She'll be showing off her embarrassing pictures in no time.

Or she'll leave us all.

Mich. Girl said...

Yeah, sorry. I just got back on here to say best/worst costume. Creative and yet, disturbing. (flashing green light and pay phone keypad)

Anonymous said...

I find the lack of the second half of the photo slightly discouraging. She did parade around in public in her costume, after all. But...I'm just sayin.

Anyway, I too ate some Ramen this weekend. We should toast.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Since you seem to be broke like us, I'll share my ace Dollar General Recipe.

1 Box DG chicken stuffing
2-3 cans DG canned chicken (its not weird, its not smelly, its actually decent)
1 Can Cream of Chicken Soup
Half a bag of frozen vegetables of your choice (I'm partial to peas & Carrots. I get these at the grocery store, but if you are really doing it DG style, you could get canned there.)

Mix the chicken, soup, and veggies in a casserole dish, prepare the stuffing according to package directions and spread it on top. Stick it in the oven at like 350 until it heats through (20 mins?)
Its delish and you can eat off it for like four days.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

Forgot to mention, I also just got an 'unexpected bill' on Friday but I've been referring to it by its more commonly known name: speeding ticket.

The Logarithmic Spiral said...

I was in Pittsburgh for the weekend for the infamous Julie Sanders (now Urbanek) wedding. I was also 80's fabulous. Cliche, I know, but I too only spent $11 on my outfit...at 9pm at WalMart on Thursday night.

I also received a text from the guy I've been seeing/went out with once regarding things he wants to do to certain parts of my body. Hmm, so very classy. I sure know how to pick 'em!

FunnyGal KAT said...

I would have to say that this post has the best lead sentence I've ever read. Ever. If there was an award for "Best Lead," I would be nominating you right now, my friend. In fact, just consider this the bestowment of "The First Annual FunnyGals Best Lead Sentence Award." That and your $1 will get you another ravioli dinner.

Andy said...

Ben- This is the same girl, however, who refuses to get a MySpace or Facebook account. Perhaps, given the strong urge to see it, I'll get it posted. She actually doesn't look like a streetwalker in the photo; it was more a 'in real life' thing.
Mich.- Best/Worst makes sense. Bonus pts. for the light.
Haute- We'll cut her some slack, since she was so wonderful to me all weekend, going to dollar stores.
Shield- Speeding tickets will cost ya, that's for sure... I will try that recipe
Julie- I can't think of an appropriate comment to make after that. My mind is in terrible places. So, uh, congrats, Julie!
Kat- What a sweet award. I was fairly pumped about that sentence.

SouthernBelle said...

Ha! Welcome to the ranks of the poor, my friend.

I also ate ramen this weekend (SEVENTEEN CENTS A PACKET? GENIUS!!!), but it was more to do with being ill than being poor.

I love dollar stores, because you can pick up such classy items as a glitter-dusted porcelain teddy bear dressed as a mummy (why is it a mummy? that's not important!) or a laser etched glass block depicting the Last Supper.

Lump said...

ok I love Dollar General... for the candy. GEEZ. :)

and in regards to your credit card interest rate jumping, it could be one of those rates that follows the stock market. I used to have one of those cards and it really fucking pissed me off. One day it would be 4% and then in two weeks it would be 18%. Fuckers.

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