Wednesday, September 16, 2009

To discuss the MTV Video Music Awards

You might say, Andy, the MTV Video Music Awards were on Sunday. This is Wednesday. You have no sense of timing. (Ed. note: Why aren't they called the MTV Music Video Awards? Why the flip-flop?)

I'd say to you, MTV is continuing its tradition of replaying its major shows again and again until everyone has seen them twice, so, in fact, the awards show was last night. And this morning. So, actually, where is YOUR post? Hmmm?

  1. Madonna is jacked no one respected Michael Jackson in his later years, saying we abandoned him in his time of need. What she's really mad about is that she didn't get a chance to adopt him.
  2. That Michael Jackson opening dance sequence was one of the best I've ever seen MTV do for an award show, and that was before Janet came out. You know you're doing good when Beyonce's mouth is agape the whole time in excitement. She hasn't been this excited since she, Kelly and Michelle made a "group decision" to go solo.
  3. I had heard about Kanye's tirade before seeing the show. It was more egregious than I thought. Taylor Swift, giving her acceptance speech for Best Female Video, looked like she might cry when Kanye told the audience Beyonce had the best video. Beyonce's mouth was agape again. She hadn't been this upset since Kelly and Michelle wanted to put Destiny's Child back together.
  4. Part of me wished Kanye ended his tirade by saying, "MTV doesn't care about black people," just to see if he could get Taylor to make that Mike Myers state of disbelief face.
  5. I am not familiar with the work of most of the presenters tonight. Good God, what's happened to me?
  6. Taylor, just nine minutes after being publicly embarrassed like a girl getting stood up at prom, does a live performance of "You Belong to Me." In all honesty, it's one of the best live performances I've seen at an awards show, for a variety of reasons: 1) You know her head was swirling at that point 2) She had to get on a subway, dance and sing her way through the train and then run up stairs to jump on top of a taxi without missing a beat 3) It's hard not to like her 4) Her crazy cat eyes have mind control powers
  7. Russell Brand's sense of humor boils down to "I'm British, and I'll have sex with anything."
  8. Lady Gaga has lost her damn mind. But she knows how to perform and how to look slightly transsexual at the same time.
  9. There was a Nelly Furtado sighting. I heard she used to be one of the most popular singers in the world-- until MTV decided it was over her. (Lady Gaga, take note)
  10. There was a Jennifer Lopez sighting. I heard she used to be one of the most popular performers in the world-- until MTV decided it was over her (Beyonce, take note)
  11. There was a Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart sighting. I heard MTV just made happy in its pants.
  12. Green Day won an award, and performed. There was a time I liked Green Day, a time when "Basket Case" and "When I Come Around" were popular. That fondness has slowly disintegrated into a mild disdain as Green Day got more popular with teenagers who thought "American Idiot" was Green Day's first album. Must be how some adults feel about kids playing Beatles Rock Band on XBox.
  13. If I get arrested and sent to prison, I'm a disgrace to my family and to my friends. If T.I. gets arrested and sent to prison, Diddy and MTV commend him with an award and act like he's at grandma's house for a few months, soon to return.
  14. Lady Gaga accepted an award looking like she got stuck in a JoAnn Fabrics during a hurricane.
  15. MTV still plays music videos? That's the biggest surprise since I heard Patrick Swayze* died just last week, and not months ago. (*Too soon? Eh, RIP Pat. Road House was excellent.)
  16. They used to have this show on MTV called TRL, when they played the Top 10 music videos of the day. How can there be the top videos of the year, when I don't have a way of knowing what's the top video of the day?
  17. They kept panning to Katy Perry, like they were hoping for a nip slip
  18. In a strange way, I was pining for the days when a boy band with a good dance sequence dominated music videos. "I want it thaaaat way."
  19. In a not-strange way, I was pining for the days when I wasn't older than 7/8 of the fans in the audience.
  20. Beyonce wins Video of the Year. She should have also won an award for boob tape of the year, because there is no way she shouldn't have had a wardrobe malfunction at some point. Nice job by her for bringing Taylor Swift up. I got a little misty-eyed... but that might have just been an allergic reaction from seeing Lady Gaga's Hostess Snowball headpiece.


Amy xxoo said...

First off Andy - i made my " Kanye is a douche bag " post two days ago, and seeing as i havent actually seen the rest of the awards that means your post is waaaaay late.

Also, Lady Gaga hasnt lost her mind. She's just calculatedly trying to manipulate people into thinking she's edgy when she is, in fact, just a try hard.

Racquel Valencia said...

OK, Team Kanye representing right HERE.

Kanye interrupting Taylor Swift was the most interesting part of the awards show, and gave her publicity and support that she NEVER would have enjoyed otherwise.

I'm a cynic, I'm a hater, but damn you can't deny that I have a point here. I can't help but wonder what the reaction would have been if someone younger, less pretentious and more "wholesome" had interrupted her in a similar way (e.g. one of the Jonas Brothers). We'd probably be like "wow, that was weird", not having the President calling them "a jackass". Just food for thought. Kanye being, well, Kanye is the only thing people remember from this year's show.

End rant.

P said...

Point 2 especially cracked me up re: the Beyonce comment. Night . . . made!

LBluca77 said...

You know if Pink would have won and Kanye did that to her she would so have head butted him. Now that would have been entertaining.

Oh and Madonna so made her speech all about herself. Of course.

Dr Zibbs said...

Kanye A-hole. Lady Gaga looks like a fool.

Miss Tiff said...

I am with most people in thinking Kanye is a douche bag. I totally agree Lady Gaga has lost her mind.

Tia said...

best vma recap ever.

FunnyGal KAT said...

I thought I was still cool because I recognized everyone being talked about after the MTV awards, but then I realized there's a reason they were the ones being highlighted (because they are the most famous, duh...) So I looked at some other photos of the awards and had no idea who most of the "stars" were.

And now I feel like I should be saying things like, "In my day, MTV actually played music videos-- and music for that matter. And female singers didn't dress like they were men dressing like women. And Michael Jackson was cool. Now you kids get off my lawn!"

Anonymous said...

Nice summation (big word, 2 points). I actually only watched snipits of the VMAs, so thanks for the recap.

But I do have to say, the days of NSync on stage, dancing like whoa, were the best. Maybe an MJ appearance or some BSpears. Can't beat those. No way.

P.S. Kanye's a douche.

Sam_I_am said...

"In a not-strange way, I was pining for the days when I wasn't older than 7/8 of the fans in the audience."

Andy, we're older than 7/8 of most of the celebrities too.

Jenners said...

I still haven't watched this even with all the hoo-ha about Kayne West. And Lady Gaga is one weird dude. And I think I'm about 35 years old to watch this show anymore. And Russell Brand is overrated.

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