To discuss the MTV Video Music Awards

You might say, Andy, the MTV Video Music Awards were on Sunday. This is Wednesday. You have no sense of timing. (Ed. note: Why aren't they called the MTV Music Video Awards? Why the flip-flop?)

I'd say to you, MTV is continuing its tradition of replaying its major shows again and again until everyone has seen them twice, so, in fact, the awards show was last night. And this morning. So, actually, where is YOUR post? Hmmm?

Observations:

1. Madonna is jacked no one respected Michael Jackson in his later years, saying we abandoned him in his time of need. What she's really mad about is that she didn't get a chance to adopt him.
2. That Michael Jackson opening dance sequence was one of the best I've ever seen MTV do for an award show, and that was before Janet came out. You know you're doing good when Beyonce's mouth is agape the whole time in excitement. She hasn't been this excited since she, Kelly and Michelle made a "group decision" to go solo.
3. I had heard about Kanye's tirade before seeing the show. It was more egregious than I thought. Taylor Swift, giving her acceptance speech for Best Female Video, looked like she might cry when Kanye told the audience Beyonce had the best video. Beyonce's mouth was agape again. She hadn't been this upset since Kelly and Michelle wanted to put Destiny's Child back together.
4. Part of me wished Kanye ended his tirade by saying, "MTV doesn't care about black people," just to see if he could get Taylor to make that Mike Myers state of disbelief face.
5. I am not familiar with the work of most of the presenters tonight. Good God, what's happened to me?
6. Taylor, just nine minutes after being publicly embarrassed like a girl getting stood up at prom, does a live performance of "You Belong to Me." In all honesty, it's one of the best live performances I've seen at an awards show, for a variety of reasons: 1) You know her head was swirling at that point 2) She had to get on a subway, dance and sing her way through the train and then run up stairs to jump on top of a taxi without missing a beat 3) It's hard not to like her 4) Her crazy cat eyes have mind control powers
7. Russell Brand's sense of humor boils down to "I'm British, and I'll have sex with anything."
8. Lady Gaga has lost her damn mind. But she knows how to perform and how to look slightly transsexual at the same time.
   
9. There was a Nelly Furtado sighting. I heard she used to be one of the most popular singers in the world-- until MTV decided it was over her. (Lady Gaga, take note)
10. There was a Jennifer Lopez sighting. I heard she used to be one of the most popular performers in the world-- until MTV decided it was over her (Beyonce, take note)
11. There was a Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart sighting. I heard MTV just made happy in its pants.
12. Green Day won an award, and performed. There was a time I liked Green Day, a time when "Basket Case" and "When I Come Around" were popular. That fondness has slowly disintegrated into a mild disdain as Green Day got more popular with teenagers who thought "American Idiot" was Green Day's first album. Must be how some adults feel about kids playing Beatles Rock Band on XBox.
13. If I get arrested and sent to prison, I'm a disgrace to my family and to my friends. If T.I. gets arrested and sent to prison, Diddy and MTV commend him with an award and act like he's at grandma's house for a few months, soon to return.
14. Lady Gaga accepted an award looking like she got stuck in a JoAnn Fabrics during a hurricane.
15. MTV still plays music videos? That's the biggest surprise since I heard Patrick Swayze* died just last week, and not months ago. (*Too soon? Eh, RIP Pat. Road House was excellent.)
    
16. They used to have this show on MTV called TRL, when they played the Top 10 music videos of the day. How can there be the top videos of the year, when I don't have a way of knowing what's the top video of the day?
17. They kept panning to Katy Perry, like they were hoping for a nip slip
18. In a strange way, I was pining for the days when a boy band with a good dance sequence dominated music videos. "I want it thaaaat way."
19. In a not-strange way, I was pining for the days when I wasn't older than 7/8 of the fans in the audience.
20. Beyonce wins Video of the Year. She should have also won an award for boob tape of the year, because there is no way she shouldn't have had a wardrobe malfunction at some point. Nice job by her for bringing Taylor Swift up. I got a little misty-eyed... but that might have just been an allergic reaction from seeing Lady Gaga's Hostess Snowball headpiece.
    

To discuss Top 10 iTunes Embarrassments

Background: I spent most of Friday night continuing my follow-up from this debacle. This time, the focus was on my iTunes media library. Fortunately, I already knew how to transfer my songs from my iPod back to my now-blank iTunes library. But my playlists hadn't transferred, so it was time to start from scratch. While I was at it, I figured I should go through all my songs and fill in missing file information-- album title, year released, times artist arrested.

I posted on my Facebook status I was doing this for my library of about 800 songs (although I later realized I have about 1,100 songs), and soon, several Facebook friends took the opportunity to point out they had thousands more songs than that, the proverbial "mine is larger than yours" debate (I did not use that opportunity to say it's not how big your music library is, it's how you use it.)

I had no idea I was in a contest. I prefer to keep my library to what I would expect to listen to on a semi-regular basis. There's a certain litmus test a song must pass to get in, as I just don't download a song willy-nilly, or even Willie Nelson.

Still, that leaves some songs that get in by a combination of "I can't get that song out of my head," "it's 3 a.m. and this song is starting to sound better" or "this chick is hot and listening to it gives me a viable reason to think of her scantily clad, or at least that's what I'll tell a pastor if he asks."

Here, in no particular order, are my Top 10 Embarrassing Inclusions on My iTunes Playlist:

1. Miss Saigon Soundtrack: Sure, I'm a music theater person. And sure, musicals are more in vogue now than they used to be... but belting out "The Movie In My Mind " on the highway... by yourself... is a little awkward, don't you think?

2. "Knock Me Out," Tatyana Ali: Yes, that Tatyana Ali. Ashley. From "Fresh Prince." No, this isn't that fly song she sang on the show when Will was her manager and no one came to her album signing event. This is off the album she released after the show. And I love this song. It even includes a rap from the Fresh Prince.

3. "Don't Walk Away," Jade: Excellent song. If, you know, you're an urban female from the 1990s. Since I'm not one, and there's no real reason I should like this song-- and I do, oh, I do-- it's not my finest moment.

4. "808," Blaque: Continuing my affinity for urban female R&B groups (see Kane, Danity), Blaque had this hit in 1999, and I still am not sure what in the world the song is about. "Boom like an 808, circles like a figure eight, feels good from head to toe, come on baby here we go." Um, here we go what? Have sex? Fly a plane? Figure skate? Whatever, it's catchy.

5. "Kitty Kat," Beyonce: On general principle, Beyone annoys me. But I have this song, and "Ring the Alarm," on my iPod. I'm admitting this to the world. And yes, Beyonce, don't think you can sing an entire song about taking away your "kitty kat" from your man and fool me. I know what you're singing about... it's controlling the pet population, isn't it?

6. "Untouched," Veronicas: I was either going to admit I recently downloaded this song here, or in the upcoming month in review. I just can't get over the violin-ish background music and the hypnotic singing. Someone help me!

7. "Fall In Love With You," Selena: Selena is a legitimate, albeit tragic, artist. So, no shame in that. The shame is that I got this song after watching the Jennifer Lopez movie and getting teary-eyed at the end. Man card, revoked.

8. "Beep" Pussycat Dolls: This isn't even one of the *ahem* good Pussycat Dolls songs. This is the single they released that kind of got glossed over, except I couldn't get enough of will.i.am and his censored rapping about vaginas* while Nicole and her backup singers danced around in leather pants.

9. "About Us," Brooke Hogan: I... well, you see... The thing about Brook is...and, you know... aww, beep it.

10. "Incomplete," Backstreet Boys: Understandable: Listening to *NSYNC or Backstreet when they first came out and everyone was overcome with boybanditis. Not as understandable: Being an adult male and listening to a former boy band making an ill-fated comeback, under the ruse you think they have "a nice sound."

* Wait, THAT'S what Kitty Kat is about! It's about censorship! *readers slowly shake heads*
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Now, dear friends, it's your turn. In comments or your own post (and let us know if you do), please list your own embarrassing iTunes inclusions. I shouldn't be the only one doing the walk of shame.