">

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

To discuss abusing punctuation and capitalization KINDA LIKE THIS!!!!!

Do you just loathe people who incorrectly and unabashedly use punctuation and capitalization!?!?!?! Not the kind who are just making a grammatical error ; a semi-colon instead of an em dash ; but those who are abusing it so as to emphasize THEIR point!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no, not the kind who are doing it just to be silly, either.

We're talking these habitual offenders:
A) The ones who would rather use excess capitalization and exclamation points than proper word choices to make a point. Most common offender: 13-year-old girls:
  • OMG YOU GUYZ!!!!!!!!!! I JUST HAD THE MOST AMAZING CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH FOR REALZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHICKEN SALAD FOREVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
B) The type who don't realize the caps lock key (Satan's playground) is on, even after several words. Most common offender: Asian spammers :
  • HEY GREAT BLOG HAHA I HAVE A GREAT HAHA BLOG TOO CHECK IT OUT IT HAS ALL NUDE LIVE GIRLS HAHA JUST COST 99.99 A DAY YOU LIKE?!?!?! HAVE GREAT DAY
C) The type that uses an exclamation point at the end of every sentence when the only thing exclamatory going on is the shouting I want to do at their face. Most common offender: The bloggers who like to dramatize every little detail:
  • I just had the worst day! My boss came into my office! He said how are you and I said fine! Then he left! And 30 minutes later, he went on his lunch break! And I had went on mine! And that's when I discovered they were out of chicken SALAD SANDWICHES!!!!!!!! So I had coffee and a bagel instead!
D) The type who would rather continually insert commas instead of just breaking up the sentence with the rather unglamorous, blue collar period. Most common offenders: People who slept through 11th grade English because they "know how to write anyway":
  • I'm not sure if I'd rather be stuck on a desert island with Lady Gaga or Fergie, because Gaga would keep it fun, while Fergie would probably let me Boom Boom her Pow, but then Gaga would probably be wearing one of those crazy outfits and make me all uncomfortable looking at her, and would never stop saying poke, poke, poke, poke, poker face, poke, poke, poker face, and being all "Can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my poker face!" and I'd be all "Now you're just talking nonsense!," and then I'd want to stab her with her pointy hat, and speaking of people I want to stab, Fergie might come in hand as a flotation device, but I worry she might get douchier than normal without her Black Eyed Peas around and start talking about her lovely lady lumps, which make them sound like mounds of fat, which I guess they are, so why do guys like boobs so much, I don't know but they sure are pretty, unless they are Heidi Montag's, which are filled with Spencer's flesh-colored beard, and those two were so bad on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, maybe I don't want a celebrity on a desert island with me, fine OK I'll talk Lacey Chabert from Mean Girls because she's underappreciated, and would like the fact that I think she's better looking than Megan Fox, but she better be able to start a fire with just two sticks, oh no, change my mind, I bet Gaga could do that because she's obviously made a deal with the devil.
Feel free to break any of these rules in the comments. It's a random punctuation abuse day.

18 comments:

gracie-mel said...

I have one "BF friend" that breaks every rule of capitalization and punctuation and spelling, I might add. For all of her posts. And she posts every day. Multiple times. I'm not sure I can take it much longer

lbluca77 said...

I can be one of those people that continually insert commas. I catch myself doing it too but I do find it easier than just starting a new sentence.

I hate the people that always have the caps lock on too UM HELLO WHY ARE YELLING AT ME? TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK.

Ben said...

I kNoW yOu WeRe MaKiNg A pOiNt BuT tHiS pOsT wAs WaY hArD tO rEaD.

BeckEye said...

ZOMG!!!1! I go all Kanye in my posts every once in a while, but just to be funny, because I like to be funny, but I HOPE you know, that I'm just, being, funny, and, not, stupid.

I work with a bunch of grammatically challenged people who love the em dash. LOVE IT. Love it like the world is ending (thank you, Ben Lee). I would say that 90% of my proofreading time is spent extracting unnecessary em dashes from various correspondence. But I'm done with this shit job in two days, so I don't have to care anymore.

Andy said...

Gracie- Please punch said person. It needs to be done. Unless it's someone we know in real life.
LBluca- I KNOW!!! IT'S EYE-CRIPPLING!
Ben-That was the Catch 22 of writing it- Sure, I can make fun of a comma splice, but who wants to read it? BTW- The back-and-forth CaPs stuff may be the worst of all. Or should I say, the WoRsT oF aLl!!!!
BeckEye-You are definitely not one of the offenders, at all.
I love me an em dash -- who doesn't? -- but it's abused like a Sarah McLachlan "Angels" puppy.

stealthnerd said...

Dude, I totally do this. And I am cool with that. Here's why: I am used to being grammatically correct for a living so I don't like to bring AP style to my blog.

Plus, I am Italian and there is no good way to grammaticize talking with your hands, hence my sometimes excessive CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!

FunnyGal KAT said...

This is one of my favorite topics and I could easily make this comment as long as your post with my complaints (I should probably mention I'm an editor so I spend all day reading-- and correcting-- terrible grammar). Right up there with a severe lack of commas and unnecessary capitalization is poor spelling. As far as I know, all computers these days come with spell check. Why, oh why, won't people use it?

P said...

OMG!!! I came home and read this post! It was amazing! I honestly agree with every single one of your points! I think you might be my hero!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LIKE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!

(I actually really DO . . .)

Emily Jo said...

This is hilarious! First of all I had to head over to my blog and see what kind of culprit I am. (I think I'm ok, so far).
Then I had to laugh even harder because I thought of one of my good friends. She YELLS on Facebook. SHE DOES ALL HER STATUS UPDATES AND COMMENTS ON EVERYONE'S PAGE WITH ALL CAPS! I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE MUST YELL AT US!

(great post!)

Heather said...

Uh oh. I'm a definite offender. I guess I fall in that dramatic category, because as I skimmed through a few blog posts, I realized I do tend to capitalize words I'd place emphasis on, if speaking. Hmm... maybe I should be more careful.

And do you see all of the commas in this comment? Sheesh.

Natballs said...

OR the type of person who leaves blog comments LIKE THIS TELLING YOU HOW GAY YOU ARE AND HA HA HA THEY CAN'T HELP BUT STALK YOUR BLOG! BUT THEY HATE YOU AND YOUR LOSER SELF!

i have a hater who has been leaving comments like that daily. all in caps.

Gabby said...

I think I tend to abuse the exclamation point a bit. But it likes it.

Herding Cats said...

I hate when caps are used inappropriately. I feel like people are yelling at me, and I'm way too sensitive to handle that....

Jaycee Adams said...

Then you'll like this article I wrote a little while back.

http://www.mopjockey.com/2009/11/you-might-not-know-how-to-write-in.html

There are a few other "You Might Not Know" articles that should amuse you.

L.C.T. said...

Ha, I could actually hear those spoken as I read them. Very accurate :)

tee said...

My younger sister is the worst with excessive punctuation. Every one of her texts makes it seem as though the world will in fact end in 2012. "What should I eat for dinner??? Why won't this file work!!!!!!!!"

I once told her to straighten up or I'll never text her back again. Her response?

:'''''''''''''''''(

Kids.

DSS said...

Another common offense (mainly by me):

excessive (....) and excessive smilie faces :)

Jenners said...

OMFG!!!!! TFHMRONTFL!!! ICRMOC!!!

I'm actually a heavy exclamation point user and have a "thing" for the em dash. (I also use a lot of parentheses.)

And I was a professional editor in a former life!!!!! Can you believe it!?

Related Posts Widget for Blogs by LinkWithin