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Monday, February 8, 2010

To discuss a Weekend Update: I'm wearing my birthday suit

When people say "birthday suit," they probably don't mean "zipup coveralls for snow shoveling." But there I was Saturday, shoveling the two feet of snow Jesus cried* onto the Pennsylvania landscape on my birthday.

* Snow is made of Jesus' frozen tears. Rain is made of Jesus' warm tears. Sleet is made of Jesus' drool. That's why no one likes sleet.

I appreciate all the birthday wishes you all gave me throughout the three day guest post series, including Children of the 90s, Jenners and Anna Lefler. I understand if you read their posts and decided to leave me for their greener pastures. I won't hold it against you.

Let's recap my birthday weekend, for the remaining stragglers:
  • Snow began falling Friday night at such a fast rate that we had to keep shoveling a patch of grass for our dogs to pee on. It's at this point in dog ownership that you realize you are essentially a catheter.
  • By Saturday morning, there was two feet of snow on the ground and the entire county was in emergency status, meaning you weren't allowed to go anywhere. Fortunately, Capricorn and I had stocked up on bread, milk and birthday ice cream cake. I had cake for dessert at 12:05 a.m. Saturday morning, then for breakfast, then for dessert again. I now am eligible for the next season of the "Biggest Loser."
  • Since Capricorn and I were trapped, we resorted to cannibalism spent the day watching movies. Quick reviews:
  1. The Invention of Lying: Lots of funny stuff, and you'll like it if you like Ricky Gervais. And if you like to lie.
  2. Whip It: Doesn't quite know what time period it wants to be in, and is a little too awkward in places. Plus, you spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out which of the team members are lesbians, and which are just tomboyish. But the film is very watchable, and you get to spend the movie thinking, "That burglar from Home Alone makes a good dad."
  3. Inglorious Basterds: Had no idea what to expect, and Capricorn figured she wouldn't like it. We both ended up loving it. Capricorn gave it an A+, while I contemplated how long it would take a horny Jersey Shore cast member to nickname his penis the "Jew Hunter" next season in the Hamptons.
  • I bought a new laptop, which should arrive today. My current laptop had a booting error again this week, and although I got it repaired, this is becoming like keeping your grandmother on life support. Sometimes, you have to know when to gracefully pull the plug, before it drags on. That is, unless the grandma in this analogy is at Seattle Grace on "Grey's Anatomy." And then you'd need every doctor in the hospital, and all the interns, to stop by to give an opinion in the midst of their sexual tension and underlying resentment, before they bust out in tears and/or on-call room sex, and then second-guess your decision making while hovering near the window that is conveniently located where everyone in the hospital hangs out. And then your grandma has sex with an intern. Who is bisexual. And has brain cancer.
  • Oh, yeah, sorry, computers. That's where we were. I'm getting a 13.3-inch, ultraportable HP dm3, after I had completed extensive research and collected my tax refund. And for all of you who are about to say, "Why didn't you get a Macbook?!?! Apple is the best!??! Jesus was probably a Mac guy!!! Apple cures AIDS and leprosy!!!!", I'd respond that yes, Macs are great and easy to use -- and they also cost 3x as much. Mercedes are great, but I don't need to go in great debt for them when I can get most of the same performance out of a Honda. High-class escorts are great, but I don't buy them when I can get the same ... sparkling conversation out of a $5 hooker. That, and Apple spent months researching and testing its new wundermachine, only to call it an iPad. That makes me concerned. And menstrual.
  • I actually had a backup of my laptop's data before the rebooting problem, so that was a relief (external hard drives are God's second chance. Not unlike Plan B or, in Sandra Bullock's case, the "Blind Side" to her "All About Steve") But I lost all my Firefox favorites, including the list of blogs I read regularly. Forgive my short absence from stopping by while I repopulate my list. Similarly, apologies to you, sluttyequestrians.com.* (* Not an actual porn site - I checked to make sure my joke didn't lead to a NSFW fiasco. On that note, don't go to whitehouse.com. I made that mistake in a college class.)
  • Now that I'm 27, I'm looking for advice on anything I should know about this year in life. So, please fill me in on anything that happened to you that year, such as your wedding, a crazy party, Prohibition, whatever.

12 comments:

L.C.T. said...

I'm not 27 yet so can't really let you know what I'll be doing that day! However, sounds like your snowed in day was relaxing :)

Herding Cats said...

I turned 27 in July, and so far, it's a pretty decent year. Definitely better than 26.

stealthnerd said...

Happy belated birthday!!

Kellie said...

I got married at 27. So... where is Capricorn's ring? No pressure or anything. :)

Also, happy belated b-day!

lbluca77 said...

I thought Whip It was cute and I so want to be in a roller Derby, but not a lesbian one.

I liked 27. Nothing really exciting happened to me but I thought it was a good year. Happy belated birthday.

P said...

I can't remember much of interest that happened when I was 27. Maybe because it was so long ago.

Oh wait . . . I shagged my boss.

That about sums it up really...

Amy xxoo said...

And now you see why " Inglourious Basterds " was in my top 5 films of 2009.

Also, i can commiserate about the being snowed in on your birthday. The year i lived in the US i got snowed in on my birthday. MY 21ST BIRTHDAY.

You know, when i was finally legal to drink over there....so no awesome drunken 21st birthday party for me :(

Jenners said...

"High-class escorts are great, but I don't buy them when I can get the same ... sparkling conversation out of a $5 hooker."

Breathing a sigh of relief you didn't say Capricorn. I thought "Please don't go there Andy."

And Mr. Jenners made the same case when we decided not to buy a Mac when our computer recently went to the computer graveyard. It is just hard to justify the extra money!

alexis said...

Happy Birthday!

So far 10 days into being 27, I don't feel anything different. Except someone told me "Oh you're almost 30" and had some sort of black out.

Heather said...

Not quite to 27 yet, so no advice to offer there... but if it's anything like 25 then I'm guessing you'll be fine. I'm nearly two months in, and still no gray hair, so things are good. :)

And HOLY HELL at the snow... thank GOD I live in Alabama. I'd be miserable. And I'd probably have lost the chiweenie somewhere... do you have to hold him while he pees?

DSS said...

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry the snow decided to join in the festivities, but it sounds like you had a lovely weekend all the same!

We watched Inglorious Bastards as well! I was prepared to hate it, because it looked like a boy movie, but absolutely loved it.

Almost watched The Invention of Lying last night, but couldn't decide if it would be funny or awful. Thanks for the review! Think that will be what we watch tonight.

Oh, and I'm quite sure you don't buy into the whole blogger award situation and such, but I've given you one anyway :) Because you are, in my opinion, quite the sunshiney (is that a word??) blogger!

T

amindinmotown said...

Snow on your birthday... Jeez, that's the last thing I'd ask for, or want.

P.S. You're old now.

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