I also spent the weekend reliving some of my college glory, however fleeting
and completely in my head it was.
Then I was flipping through Esquire's cool feature* with women ages 18, 27, 35 and 44 offering advice on what they've learned and what they think of life at their age.
* Esquire, how often do I have to flatter you before you read my blog and decide to hire me? I'm not above blowing you**.
Damn it if that's not all perfect blog fodder (Reality is just a series of events leading up to blog post ideas, after all, as Jenners might say).
So let me offer to you ...
Things I Know At the Age of 27
- High school wasn't nearly as dramatic as I thought it was, and college was more dramatic than it needed to be. But at no point did any of it resemble "Dawson's Creek"
- Devon Sawa and Jonathan Taylor Thomas will never live up to their early potential. Danielle Fishel remains strangely alluring.
- My childhood references qualify as nostalgic. I'm not sure how to take that.
- There is no preparation upon college graduation that gets you ready for the next phase of life. No, not the work phase. The "I suddenly care about laundry detergent effectiveness" phase of living on your own
- Boobs are as magical now as they were a decade ago, but cleavage itself has become sexier
- Check that: A confident woman has become sexier
- Life is easier with a dog in it
- Life is more expensive with a dog in it
- Checking insurance rates every year is worthwhile and can save you a lot of money
- Earning more money only means spending more money, not actually having more money
- It's also worthwhile to threaten the cable company with canceling your account every year so they lower your rates
- I've saved myself hundreds of dollars since I graduated college by haggling with everyone from credit card companies to mechanics. I didn't learn to haggle to be miserly. I did it because I couldn't afford otherwise
- I will never feel successful enough
- Aunt Becky on Full House got drunk one night and had a one-night stand with either Danny or Joey or both. This I cannot be dissuaded from.
- The Pittsburgh Pirates will never be good again. I will never stop rooting for them.
- I enjoy complaining about being exhausted
- I wouldn't care about what's going on with 80 percent of my Facebook friends if Facebook didn't exist, and they wouldn't care about me. And that's not a bad thing
- Women will never truly have nothing wrong when they say nothing is wrong
- Women don't find it sexy when a man is needy, is without ambition, or is on Celebrity Fit Club.
- Women aren't more or less complicated than they were when I was a teenager. They are just more in tune with what they don't like about themselves and more likely to know what they don't like about you.
- 23-year-old self should have held on to that paid-off Camry until it died.
- I was a fool to think I was a good writer coming out of college. And in a decade, I'll realize I was a fool to think I was a good blog writer.
- My married friends have the same problems I do, but with one other person to commiserate with
- MTV is no longer targeting my demographic.
- TLC is targeting my demographic.
- I think about demographics now.
- Organic milk last much longer in the fridge than regular milk, which alone makes it worth buying.
- People don't think often enough about where their food came from or what's in it. The grapes in my grocery store are from Chile. The salmon in the frozen food section was farmed. That doesn't mean both don't taste good, but I can't eat things in ignorance like I used to.
- That doesn't mean I can't eat Burger King. Let's not get f****** crazy.
- It's not Jesus that makes me second-guess using f-bombs in blogs. It's the people worshiping Jesus.
- Some of the nicest, kindest people you will ever meet are church goers. Some of the most misguided, narrow-minded people you will ever meet are church goers. The hypocritical ones who give church a bad name are the people who think they are acting out the former when they are really the latter.
- The song "Jesus Take the Wheel" assumes Jesus has a valid license.
- The president of the United States has much less of a direct impact on my life than state Senators and Representatives. And even they don't have as much of a direct impact as CEOs of major corporations that set market value for things I consume on a daily basis. But I can't vote for or against those people. That's why real change will never happen - we aren't set up that way.
- Guys my age are starting to complain about thinning or graying hair, aching bones, and growing bellies. But all we really care about, but will never discuss, is when erectile dysfunction will kick in
Now it's your turn... blog post or comment it up and let me know what you've learned by your age. Or the age you pretend you are.