Friday, July 2, 2010

To discuss 50 (more) things about me

There have been some new readers in recent weeks, even as I've had to slow down blogging a bit. For them, and for people who have been reading for months but only because their browser is frozen and they can't get the hell out of here, I offer you 50 Things About Me. Consider it a follow-up to the 100 Things About Me post I did in November 2008 as part of "Get to Know Me" week, although much has changed since then.

1. I recently started introducing myself as Andrew instead of Andy
2. It's to make me sound more mature and older.
3. Actually, why aren't I introducing myself as "Zeus"?
4. In the past 8 years, I have been in two relationships that lasted a combined 6 years.
5. Good God.
6. I now live alone with my chiweenie, Bailey
7. Bailey has never paid rent or paid me back for his medical bills, as he is holding out hope Obama's health care plan eventually will extend to toy dogs.
8. Last time I did this 100 Things list, I thought Natalie Portman, Lacey Chabert and Helen Hunt were some of the prettiest actresses around. Still are.
9. But I'd like to add Emmanuelle Chriqui and Kate Beckinsale to that list.
10. Not Megan Fox. She's the girl in high school that knew she was hot and flirted with the geeks to get them to do stuff for her.
11. I was a geek.
12. Am.
13. Was.
14. Fine, am. Happy?
15. Speaking of which, I still do musicals, even though logic would say it's not smart to do a full-time job and a show at the same time.
16. But when you love to perform in front of people and are not currently a stripper, your options are limited.
17. So I'm doing a two-month run of "1776," followed by a two-month run of "Music Man," followed by a two-month run of "Sleep Deprivation."
18. At some point, I've promised myself I'd do at least one open mic night at a comedy club.
19. I have no idea how to do stand-up comedy, but I am often standing up when telling jokes, so that must be a head start.
20. I have a feeling that I'd either do fantastic at stand-up comedy, or bomb horrifically, with no middle ground.
21. But if I bomb, I'd just strip naked, as everything is funnier naked when you're a guy.
22. The male body is very funny looking, really. God gave women all the good parts.
23. Hence the reason there aren't male models in the Victoria's Secret fashion show.
24. Although I have a fierce walk from watching tons of "Top Model" and would probably do well.
25. ... that was the gayest thing I've said in some time.
26. I recently won a statewide award for journalism
27. I recently won a merit award at work
28. But let's be honest. My Participation Ribbon at my Boy Scouts Pinewood Derby in third grade is what needs to be included in my obituary.
29. I hope the Boy Scouts have since become more environmentally friendly and made their derby cars hybrid models.
30. I have both a clear idea and no clue whatsoever what I'll be doing at this point in five years.
31. I think that comes with being 27.
32. When life expectency was, say, 50 in the 1600s, did 14-year-old boys worry about their 401k's, too?
33. Did 20-year-old boys hit on 13-year-old girls because the 14-year-old girls were too old? How did that work?
34. What did those same people in the 1600s do to pass the time when they were waiting in line for something? They couldn't check their Facebook page, text or Google anything. But their cell phone bills must have been so cheap. It evens out, I suppose.
35. These are the thoughts I have on an almost daily basis.
36. At some point, I will give "Glee" another try. Not yet, though.
37. But if I do, then you need to give one of the following a try: "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"; "Treme"; or "Modern Family." Deal?
38. Shows that have jumped the shark: "American Idol"; "Real Housewives of NYC and of OC"; "The Office" (somewhat); "Real World"
39. When Christina Aguilera was preparing for her MTV Movie Awards performance, who on her crew said, "You know what this performance is missing? A glow heart on her vagina."?
40. Did Jennifer Love Hewitt see Christina's light-up hoo-hoo, look down at her own vajazzled ladypart, and think, "What's a girl gotta do to keep her private parts up on the trends these days?"
41. These are other thoughts I have on an almost daily basis.
42. I believe God designed men and women. But what was the purpose of making us have to use the bathroom all the time? He couldn't have invented a more time-efficient method?
43. Things I do every day: Snack. Check my e-mail. Read about Pittsburgh sports teams. Think about something sexual at an inappropriate moment and then reassure myself it's only natural. Sing. Walk my dog.
44. At no point during the pet adoption process do they tell you that you will become intimately involved with the mannerisms of your dog's sphincter as a method of forecasting bowel movements. But it's true.
45. Oops, did I kill the mood?
46. You know what's a good reality show that VH1 should bring back? The Pickup Artist.
47. I wish I got outraged more. It's hard to get a good rage going about anything, even if there are oil spills, shootings and bombings all the time.
48. I do get outraged at, say, the cable company, but I am worried that's not what people mean when they ask for outrage at social injustices.
49. Even when I don't get to post all the time, I still love that you guys keep coming back.
50. But please let me know if my blog jumps the shark ... Actually, don't. Sharks are awesome.

Now please do your own list, so I can catch up with what you've doing.
I'll link you here. Pinky swear.
Natballs put hers up. Gold star for you, Natballs. Just don't get her started on "True Blood."
Spleeness did a mini-15 things list, and it includes things you may never want to know.
Awesome things. Here it is.
SamIAm, my former college classmate, did a 50 Things list, too.


Ben said...

I've met Kate Beckinsale. True story.

Herding Cats said...

The Pickup Artist!

It really does need to come back. That was the epitome of awesomely bad reality TV.

BeckEye said...

I already love "Sunny." So you need to give "Glee" another try.

Jenners said...

Don't take this the wrong way, but it pretty hard for you to outgay yourself ... you are the gayest straight guy I've ever "met." But totally don't take that the wrong way ... it is a GOOD thing.

I may just have to do this type of post. It was totally fun to read and I'm in a mega blogging slump right now. But I can always just freeform talk about myself.

Natballs said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I keep coming back. I'm a schmuck.
And it makes me glad that you don't like Megan Fox... I hate her.

Anonymous said...

Oooh I enjoyed this sooo much.

And Jenners comment about your sexuality made me laugh.. it sounds vaguely familiar.. almost as though I've said something very similar to you at some point in time :)

Also.. Modern Family is one of the best shows ever. Yes, I said ever. Have a great weekend Andy!!

Soda and Candy said...

Cable companies qualify as social injustices. I'm pretty sure.

I heart you Andy, don't ever go chnging!

Soda and Candy said...


spleeness said...

Alright, you got me. I made a list too, but I could only get to 15 before I had to go deal with my dog's anal glands. (15 things)

BTW, my captcha is "unsuc" - almost "unsuck" - very cool. :)

Amy xxoo said...

Nice list Andy - although half of that was your random thoughts on random crap, not actual stuff about you. Which is ok cause, frankly, after reading your blog right from the beginning, i feel like we're already on quite an intimate level already.
Your an over-sharer, you know? Which is why we keep coming back!

Peter said...

This is the best use of the "50 things" meme I've seen in a long time. I love stream-of-consciousness writing.

And now I'm wondering whether I can get away with introducing myself as "Zeus."


P said...

I think you would be great at stand-up comedy. Although I think you shouid sit down as you perform. It wouild turn the whole genre on its head.

Sam_I_am said...

you know I had to play along. http://samiamland.blogspot.com/2010/07/50-things-about-me.html

Mindy said...

They should bring back "The Pickup Artist." Fo sho. I should also never say that again.

Jenners said...

OK ... I did it: Here is mine

Elisse said...

I love this list. I think I'm going to make my own.

And also, I've heard great things about "Modern Family." I'm definitely going to be giving it a try.

...and I agree with you. Glee was better in its earlier stages. Alas.

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