Wednesday, July 7, 2010

To discuss turning me into a tiny dancer

So I'm kinda sorta becoming a dancer.

I suppose it was inevitable. I watch "So You Think You Can Dance" with a thoroughly furrowed brow. I enjoy dancing at the club.*

* Which is sooooo easy for a straight guy. A) Step behind girl B) Bend her over a little bit if you're a gentleman, or a lot if you have mommy issues C) Shake her booty into your crotch while raising one hand in the air, possibly fist pumping if you are in Jersey, possibly smacking her butt if you're a douche.

I took dancing classes when I was a kid, and by dancing, I mean I dressed up like a flaming Indian. I watched Bing Crosby dance with Danny F****** Kaye in "White Christmas."** I even started dating a dancer recently.

** Quote attributed to Clark W. Griswold

Now I have to be, like, a real dancer. In "Music Man," I have to be one of the featured dancers in all the group numbers, and since my "Macarena" training in middle school gym class has done me as much good as pre-algebra in the aforementioned school, I have to work a lot harder just to get basic steps.

I've been spending weekends and many weeknights learning choreography (that word always makes me think of Danny Kaye's really random "Choreography" dance number in White Christmas, speaking of which).

I've had to do a chassé. I had to learn what a chassé is. And mostly, I've had to figure out how to get my feet and hands to do what I'm telling them to do, an accomplishment you'd think God would have made easier for humans, but evidently God didn't enjoy "Center Stage"*** or "Flashdance." God did, however, enjoy "You Got Served." Of this, I am certain.

*** Very underrated movie. It's also the major film debut, I believe, of a certain actress who later starred in the biggest blockbuster of all time.

So I'd like to hear from you, dear online friend, about any embarrassing dance-related experiences. Please make me feel better.


Anonymous said...

I don't dance. Ever. Okay... well let me rephrase that. I don't dance sober. Ever. My friends joke that they can judge how much I've had to drink by whether I'm watching or participating on the dance floor. And I really shouldn't even dance then... I have zero rhythm and I'm clumsy as hell. Not a good combination :)

P.S. I like how you slyly snuck in there you recently started dating a dancer...

P said...

Most of my embarrassing dance-related stories just involve me being drunk and falling over. In front of people with eyes. Frequently.

Amy xxoo said...

I'm kind of the same as P - my biggest dance-related embarrasment was the time i was dancing on the higher level dance floor at my local club and...umm... fell off. It wasnt entirely my fault - i was drunk, without my glasses, and my friend Ree was a little enthusiastic and kind of bumped me of with her booty dancing.
Oh, the shame....

stealthnerd said...

I have no embarrassing dance stories but I do think that Center Stage is totally underrated. Didn't anyone else notice how dreamy the male lead was in that movie? Oh, and it has Peter Gallagher in it. Baller.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Wait...did you and Capricorn break up? Oh god Ive been gone too long from here.

Soda and Candy said...

That's how they're dancing in the clubs now? Holy crap I'm glad to me married!

Also *squeal* at the tiny Andy photo.

Jenners said...

Oh ... the return of the Dancing Indian!!! I love that photo so much!

And dating a dancer ... hmmmm. She is probably quite flexible .. but has messed up feet. Don't look at them too soon.

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