Seriously, I can't believe I'm showing you this.
No, it's not a video of me performing gymnastics as a child- I'm sure that exists somewhere, but it's on VHS, and who has a VCR anymore? Well, other than the person who just read that and thought, "Hey, I have a VCR!"
This is a video of me practicing my stand-up routine. If you didn't see my fleeting mentions before, I've decided to knock something off my bucket list. And since Natalie Portman refuses to answer my calls or try on the outfit I sent her, I've decided to try to do an open mic night at some point this fall.
Doing stand-up comedy and writing funny things on the Internet are very different things. For instance, I can't use asterisk jokes when I'm doing stand-up.*
* And who doesn't appreciate a nice asterisk joke? ... Maybe if I hold up a sign to the crowd with an asterisk on it ...
I also have to rely on actually saying the words instead of letting you just read them in whatever voice you use in your head when you're reading. I've always regretted that I didn't choice a nice British voice for my reading voice. Alas.
But I though I owed it to you to at least show a short clip of me practicing at home, in front of an audience of a sleeping chiweenie while using a Tivo remote for a mic. And it's not to get validation, either. I figured it'll help get me over the hurdle of eventually convincing myself to go in front of a live audience (and this coming from someone who does theater all the time).
And, considering you're not watching it live, I don't have everything entirely memorized and there's no laugh track, it'll sound awkward as hell ... which I suppose is how I am anyway, so what the heck... At some point, I'll do another video right before I actually go to an open mic night, so I can show my progress, like those before and after weight-loss photos.* But at least this is a start. Apologies for hesitation at the start of the video - I almost forgot what I was going to say ... and I was practicing alone. That's just sad. (Here's the link in case the video doesn't work on this page on your computer.)
* Except those quite obviously aren't shot with the same people, not unless weight loss also makes you tanner, have nicer teeth and changes your face.
And now that you've lost your faith in humanity's ability to make you laugh, please watch two clips of someone who I really do find funny, Tommy Johnagin, who came in second on "Last Comic Standing" and is hilariousishness and kinda has my style, except he's, you know, polished and gooder.
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