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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

To discuss Aeropostale and the panty table

First, a footnote.*

So I actually got to go shopping last week. I never go shopping anymore. If it's not food or gas or the occasional cocaine binge with a one-eyed drifter, I don't buy it.

But Aeropostale was having one of its 50 percent off sales, so I stopped in. Quick question: If you are constantly having sales, is it still a sale if nothing is ever regularly priced?

I ended up buying a new messenger bag that is very Joseph Gordon-Levitt in (500) Days of Summer, but without an accompanying Zooey.

But my shopping trip only concluded after I was reminded of one indisputable and increasingly obvious fact, one that I have mentioned on here before but bears repeating: I am getting too old to shop in some of the stores of my youth.

Aeropostale, if you don't know, is kind of like the Gap but without the insistence that jeans cost $70 to manufacture. It also caters to teenagers. Heavily. But they always have nice jeans on sale, and hoodies and t-shirts and that kind of thing, so whatevs, beggars can't be choosers.

But it's to the point now where I feel like I have to apologize for shopping there.

Teenage girl: "Aren't you a little old for this store?"
Me, holding up a pair of jeans: "Me? No! These are for my, err... son. He's... um... two-elvnty years old, and he's big for his age and wears... well, evidently, a 32X32."

All of the sales staff need a photo ID to get into rated R movies. And PG-13 movies.

And worst of all, there's the panty table. Now here's the thing about Aeropostale: They always have a giant, round table with tons of brightly colored panties strewn about. And that table is always right near the cash register. So every time I want to buy something, I have to stand beside some 13-year-old girl holding up a pair of pink panties that say "Cutie" on the butt. They couldn't move that table elsewhere? No?

The thing is, I don't want to have to start shopping in the "men's stores." I don't want to buy chinos and oversized polo shirts with sea bass prints.

And you wonder why I mostly stick to buying vintage clothes at Goodwill. No panty table.
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* I've never started a post with a footnote before, but I've also never written so little as I have in the past few weeks. Well, my musical opened, with no more practices, so I'll have a life again for the first time since the spring. And I also am starting to feel humorous again, so that helps. Nice to be back, kids.
Sidenote 1: I think in a few weeks, I'll actually, truly, honestly do my first open mic night. I'll keep you updated and post a video.
Sidenote 2: I'm no longer dating Belle, who I mentioned a few posts ago, but we remain friends. As my sister put it, I am an expert on being the friendly ex-boyfriend. Just not good at being the boyfriend
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11 comments:

Amy, Woman Exploding said...

Silly, silly boy!
Get your ass out of Aeropostale! It's a 13 year old magnet! Try American Eagle, as the clientele age range starts at 16, but also includes some 20-somethings...

alexis said...

Welcome back! I can't even make it into Aeropostale. I'm going through the same thing of out-growing all my favorite stores like PacSun. Damn getting old!

gracie-mel said...

speaking of getting & feeling old:
all the li'l munchkins in my apartment complex keep asking me if my newborn boy "is mine or my daughter's?"

I'm only 31.

yes I have more than a few gray hairs but I still protest.

thanks for visiting this weekend, Uncle Andy!

Amy xxoo said...

First of all - you are the same age as me, which means if you're getting too old then so am i. Which i am not. Understand?
Secondly - his name is Joseph Gordon LEVITT, not Hewitt.
Thirdly - i'm sure you're not that bad at being the boyfriend, just not the right one for Belle or Capricorn.

Jenners said...

Do you think I'm too old to shop at Justice for Girls?

; )

Herding Cats said...

This is pretty much how I feel whenever I shop at Forever 21. So shameful. At least you don't have students that ask, "Was that on sale at Forever? I have one in blue!"

FunnyGal KAT said...

See, the problem is that you're in the gray area of just young enough/just a bit too old to be in Aeropostale. I, on the other hand, am firmly in the "waaaaay too old to be shopping there" category. And in case I find myself tempted, I just have to look down at FunnyKid and my resulting mom body to bring myself back to reality. Then I head to J. Jill (just kidding, but some days I feel like it!)

Sam_I_am said...

I actually thought of you when I saw (500) Days and the messenger bag, since I think you're the only person I know who carries one. But, I'm from Fayette County where most people wear flannel shirts...unbuttoned. When I was in HS, Spencer's was the place to be, and now I feel too old to be there.

kisatrtle said...

I'm struggling with the image of you near the panty table.

Josh said...

Don't hate on the chinos.

nowimagrownup said...

My boyfriend has a pair of khaki shorts from Aeropostale, and on the side, above one of the cargo pockets, it says, "AERO" -- except the bottom part of the E kind of runs into the top of the pocket, so it looks like it says "AFRO." Yeah.. so maybe it's time for him to stop shopping there, too. :)

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