To discuss a trip to New York, New York

Start spreading the news. I'm leaving today.

OK, it was Saturday, but Sinatra didn't sing it like that so deal.
Would you believe I had never been to a Broadway show leading up to Saturday? I've been to New York City a few times - a couple parties, some baseball games and an internship interview at Madison Square Garden.*

* My brother came with me, and he drove us back. We ended up in Delaware. Still have no idea how that happened. My hometown, north of Pittsburgh, is a straight shot west from New York City. He's the Christopher Columbus of highway driving, evidently.

I went with a tour group, including my friend Sara, who's also in my improv troupe. She had made it a personal mission to get me to NYC, whereas I had thought of other, better personal missions, such as curing cancer, getting a raise or convincing McDonalds to sell shamrock shakes in November.**

** Seriously, McDonalds, those are like the only reason I patronize your devil shop. You bring back the McRib, and I can't get some minty satisfaction unless spring is in the air? Like spring needs MORE hype? Spring is the overzealous fame whore of seasons.

I knew it was going to be a good trip when our bus driver remarked, "You have to find a hole and fill it. Find the hole." He was talking about driving in NYC traffic. Or was he?

Some highlights:

* We got discounted TKTS tickets... that still cost $78.50. Ah, Broadway. You make going to the movies seem like a bargain.

* While we waited, we walked from Times Square to Central Park, which is more or less about 98 miles away. Fortunately, it was beautiful out and I was completely fascinated by everything. I even looked up at the buildings, a classic tourist no-no.

* I found no homeless homicidal heroin-addicted vagabonds in Central Park, and was slightly disappointed. It was actually extremely beautiful there with the fall leaves. There's always next time.

* For some reason I had hoped to see Alec Baldwin walking around town. It did not happen.

* The women in NYC are crazy attractive, which leads me to my long-standing theory that you should base your decision on where to live in part by what kind of "Attractive Scale" you want to be on. A girl who's an 8 in a small town is a 4 in NYC. This must not be ignored. Would you rather be a smalltown 9, or another 6 in the city? Something to consider.

* I enjoyed the horse-drawn carriage tour guide texting instead of seeing where his buggy is going. Is there a texting while driving a horse-drawn carriage ban in New York?

* The show we saw, Next to Normal, won some Tonys last year. Now I can see why. Absolutely, ridiculously good (that's the stage in the photo). And that's considering it's a "rock musical," and I don't really like rock musicals. Please go see it. It's only on Broadway until early January, as evidently Broadway hates awesome shows.

* First time someone bumped into me on the street, I said, "Sorry, pardon me." Then I remembered that unlike Pennsylvania, that's a silly thing to say to people in New York. I settled on variations of "Check yourself before you wreck yourself" and "Screw you and your whore mother."
* Only in New York City does it make sense to import a giant pine tree each year.
* Those pretzels they sell on the streets are damn good. Please, no comments on how they are likely filthy.
* Next time I go, which hopefully will be soon, I'll get to stay longer and see the sights and all that jazz. Let me know if there are any hidden gems.