"Oh, I'm only going to get something if there's a sale."
Fun fact: There's ALWAYS a sale, ladies! Do you think anyone is paying full price for a bottle of lotion with a fancy name? No, sir. But you will buy 10 bottles of lotion for $50, down from $60, because you can totally justify it.
"Well, I only needed one bottle, but that's such a good deal, and I could stick one in my car, and, oh maybe one extra at work. And ooooh I love this scent! OMG!"
I'm not downplaying how good some of that stuff smells. Of course, if I worked there, smelling that every day would lead to several shades of Apricot Vanilla murder, but from time to time, it can be pleasant (I'm a sucker for any woman with vanilla).
And yet, I do wonder this:
Is there somebody out there whose entire job is to think of names for the fragrances?
Who came up with...
* Cool Citrus Basil (A cold basil-covered orange sounds disgusting)
* Enchanted Orchid (Does it talk? Can it sing or dance?)
* Fiji Passionfruit (Did you just pick a random tropical location?)
* Night Blooming Jasmine (Opposed to day blooming?)
* Velvet Tuberose (I think that's what Nicole Kidman died of in "Moulin Rouge")
* Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin (... are just random words you threw together)
And that brings me to this point:
Couldn't I, too, be a Bath and Bodyworks fragrance namer? After all, there seems to be a pattern. Let's try.
Pick one word from this group:
Gorgeous ... Flowery ... Dew-kissed ... Honeycovered ... Genital warts inflicted ... Blood ravaged ... Mutilated ... Sweet kiss of death loving ...
Then add it to this group:
Rose petals ... Cucumber slices ... Teddybears ... Osama bin Laden ... Firey loins ... Death row inmate ... Harry Potter
It's that easy, isn't it? And people will buy that stuff, just because it's from Bath & Body Works and on sale. You're welcome, Bath & Body Works.
Please let me know if you have any names, and I'm sure you do.