To discuss my dog getting the veterinary equivalent of the Purple Heart

Yes, I know 16 and Preggers was on last night. I'll recap it soon, but since MTV reruns its shows like crazy, it's not as pressing to churn it out asap. Right? If you'd rather always get them the morning after, let me know ... I did do a Bachelor finale recap over here.
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I hate to brag, but I don't see any of your pets with a freaking
CERTIFICATE OF BRAVERY.

Here's what I didn't know as recently as a month ago. You should be brushing your dog's teeth every day or they'll get gum diseases and baby Jesus cries. At least that's what I think the vet told me. All I remember is a Charlie Brownish "Waa wa waaa wa Bailey needs dental work wa waaa wa his teeth make hobos look like Ryan Seacrest wa waa wa Lucy and Peppermint Patty were lesbian trailblazers."

So yesterday, Bailey the chiweenie went in for dental surgery, or periodontal surgery as they call it in the biz. Since dogs have to undergo general anesthesia, this is a somewhat risky proposition. Compounding that, Bailey has a heart murmur that makes his heart beat sound like Missy Elliott's "Get Ur Freak On."

That means in addition to the regular costs and procedures, he needed to get extra tests done, the vet said (i.e., the vet needs a new pair of shoes). What are you going to do, say, "No, I think we should just gamble on this one. They do it on Grey's Anatomy all the time, and the worst that happens is someone bangs Izzie."

Bailey has had a long history at the vet (there's this, and this, for starters), but this was the most extreme thing he's had done. When I picked him up that afternoon, he looked so sad and pathetic I was worried Sarah McLachlan was going to try to get him sponsored.

They pulled four or five teeth- I'd tell you exactly but I haven't been able to get a good look in his mouth, as I don't want to hurt him. I do wonder why he didn't opt to get grillz. This photo is a good a look as I'll get for now, and you can tell there are gaps. On the plus side, his teeth are now much, much whiter and don't make me think of hobgoblins and the Black Plague.

The vet gave him a Certificate of Bravery for the "courage he displayed" during surgery. And by that, they mean he was out like a light and didn't bite them afterward.

But an award is an award. I'll celebrate with Bailey just as soon as he stops dabbing mouth blood on my blanket.

Total vet bill: About$ $525. I'll add it to Bailey's tab.