One of my co-workers had to bring in his Rottweiler today because he doesn't have time to to get his dog after work when he heads off to vacation.The dog looks exactly Snots, the dog that drank all the water out of the Griswold family Christmas tree tub, except this dog isn't drooling and is well-mannered.
I brought Bailey into work a few times when I was living in Connecticut. He slept on my lap the whole day, except for when he unexpectedly barked under a table at an editor and nearly caused spontaneous peeing in a grown man.
So, as per my Friday tradition of being random, here are other things I wish we could bring to work:
- Best friends/significant others: How much better would work be if the BFF was with you? You wouldn't get jack done, but you'd enjoy filling out those TPS reports a lot more, right?
- Liquor: In the old days, reporters used to drink at their desk. Now, I drink green tea out of a clear plastic bottle, which everyone assumes is filled with a urine sample. (Not true)
- A bed: I would be much more productive if I could power nap for 15 minutes every four hours. They do this in Japan or some Asian country, I think. And I don't think it's fair that the women's restroom gets a couch in it, while the men just get urinals and body odor. We don't get cramps, but we do want a nice place to curl up in the fetal position.
- A disc jockey: Wouldn't you appreciate a dance break every so often? Work work work Macarena work work work bump-n-grind work work work waltz.
- Theme music: Every time I accomplish something, I'd like a theme song played, perhaps "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias or "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You" by NSync or "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco. Every time a coworker annoys me, I could play "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool. Every time I am about to leave for the day, I could play "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves, or "Skinamarinkadink" by The Elephant Show.
- A fireplace: I'd get more done if I could do my talking by the fireplace, FDR style.
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