A) Got engaged, to the delight of our parents who await grandbabies with the most bated of bated breaths.
B) Bludgeoned said babies
C) Watched Twilight
The answer is C.
Basically, we had to see what the mass gnashing of teeth and panties is all about, so we decided to watch the first Twilight. We're fans of True Blood, after all, and Twilight has trendy vampires, so it must be decent. And it's based on a book- book to movie adaptations always go well!
Um...
Here are the positives:
1) Bella's dad is kind of funny and lovable
2) Edward's dad is the dude from "Can't Hardly Wait," so that's 5 bonus points
3) They didn't make Bella super-popular her first day, like some teen movies, as that's totally unrealistic. And even after she got friends, they didn't show her being the center of the group, which, again, is a more likely scenario since she's an outsider coming in.
4) There was some cool music (I appreciated the Radiohead song at the end)
5) Bella doesn't escape a super-strong, super-fast vampire on her own, and instead gets her leg broken. That's plausible. Plus, they developed the Bella/Edward relationship in a more drawn out way, instead of just falling in love right off the bat. Actually, when they first see each other, it looked like Edward was going to vomit. Sure, it was probably from the sunlight, but let's just admit it's because Kristen Stewart is probably a little smelly.
Here are the negatives that I'll pare down in order not to have my house burned to the ground:
1) We understand everybody will broach vampire abilities differently. But there are two basic principles of being a vampire that are kinda necessary: They burn in the sun, and they must be invited into a building. Edward Cullen glows like pixie dust in the sun like the gayest My Little Pony, and these vampires enter any place they want. I'm not cool with that.
2) What was the budget for this movie? Are we in "Blair Witch Project" range*? Some of the camera work must have been done by the crew from "One Night in Paris." And Edward's sun glow was like watching bad 3D effects without the 3D glasses.
3) Edward is a total creeper. Sure, we get it, teen girls. He's got the crazy hair and the enchanting eyes. He also uses those eyes TO STARE AT YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP. He tells Bella he's snuck into her house to watch her sleep, because "it's beautiful." Capricorn: "What is he talking about? People are not sexy when they sleep."
4) The first 45 minutes was about Bella and Edward staring at each other in a contest to see who could brood the undies off each other. Lot of intense staring. Not a lot of action. In "True Blood," half the cast was naked by now.
5) The evil vampire has a pony tail and Spencer Pratt facial hair. I was more scared he was going to turn Bella into a douche than into a cadaver.
* Is that too dated a reference for teens reading this? Um, how about, Are we in "Paranormal Activity" range?"
So, are we out of line? I'd still watch the sequel, as I've heard there's more action in it, plus werewolves. And it doesn't hurt that Alice is on the cover of Maxim this month. But we're not sure what all the hysteria is about. Buffy the Vampire Slayer was better, wasn't it? Twilight is a decent movie, but if that's the kind of thing that makes people fanatical, well, I'm worried. Of course, I got fanatical about Ace of Base, so ...
Thanks to my sister for finding that Twilight Moms poster.
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