Sunday, August 3, 2008

To discuss bowling for babies...

I have no fatherly qualifications for saying this, other than watching Father of the Bride I and II (Oh, George Banks. Won't you ever learn?), but is it a smart idea to bring infants to a bowling alley?
I went bowling at Colony Park Lanes in York tonight with Adam and Rachel, whom I must mention by name because the sheer pin-obliterating beat down they put on me demands my respect and casual name-dropping. Adam at one point had five strikes in a row, and finished a game with a 199-- not the 200 he'll tell his grandkids one day in a failed attempt at respect and admiration.
Rachel frequently crushed me as well, with a combination of looks saying "oh, I'm not really that good" to let my guard down and "oh, go figure, another spare!" to make me cry inside like seeing so many dead puppies.
But we all wondered why, on glow bowling night with lasers, loud music, smoking and cursing creating a tapestry of blue collar entertainment, there were people bringing their infants. Not that I don't agree that parents of babies need to get out. But babies at the bowling alley? It's a guaranteed future bout of either emphysema, seizures, trucker mouth or a career managing Dollar General.
Of course, as usual when I bowl, there's always a little kid nearby who is smoking me. I hate those kids. Yeah, I'm talking to you "Oh I knocked down 8 pins and you only knocked down one... " I saw you.
Next time I go to the bowling alley, I'm using bumpers.
I also found out that Colony Park Lanes (using the specificity for Google search, not for free advertising) is hosting pro bowlers this month, much to the joy of Wal-mart customers. We've established that my bowling game is on par with toddlers, sure. And any person who can consistently knock down 10 pins that seem at times like a Weeble-Wobble gets some respect.
But when a young guy is growing up, does he ever tell his friends, "Sure, sure. You keep dunking on me. You keep throwing perfect spirals, and dreaming of your millions. I'm practicing knocking down the 7-10 split. There's a $2,500 check in my future (That's ALL for the top winner at the York event), and it's all mine."
I think the pro bowlers used to be Little Leaguers who couldn't cut it, so they joined the high school golf team, and couldn't cut it, so they joined the college chess team, and couldn't cut it. So, out of options, they started bowling regularly and figured out that the key to being a good bowler is... bowling regularly. Brilliant.
Do bowlers get groupies? Do they call themselves Kingpin in bed? Cause there's all kinds of possibilities there.
Hmm... I could use $2,500 right about now. And groupies.


Melanie said...

just remember where we came from... Bumper Bowling it is!!!

Bobby-o-o-oh said...

I love "Do they get to call themselves Kingpin in bed?"


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