Saturday, August 30, 2008

To discuss what I would do if I sang out of tune, would Blog stand up and walk out on me

Man, I wish I had Daniel Stern in my room right now. You know, the tall burglar from Home Alone. Not because I want to hit him in the face with an iron-- even though I do, I really do-- but because he was the narrator on "The Wonder Years." Did you know that?* I could really use the services of a narrator right now, because now that I managed to keep up this blog for a month (how have any of you kept it up longer than that?), I need a pensive, thought-provoking moment to reflect on what I've learned about blogging, about life and about me since Aug. 1.** So, 10 things I've learned, narrated by Daniel Stern with Kevin and Winnie making out in the background, even though Winnie was never that hot and Kevin should've stuck with that fine girl he met on summer vacation and kissed by the pier.... oh, um, anyway:
  1. Bloggers refer to each other by their blog title, not their actual name. When I went to the Harrisburg blogger meeting, most of the bloggers referred to each other by their blog title. How embarrassing that my blog title sounds like a six-year-old came up with it.
  2. There are days when I look more forward to what I'm writing in my blog than the actual writing I get paid to do as a journalist. The problem is that no one will pay me to write about The Hills and my fake TV girlfriends, but they will pay me to write about school board meetings. Which would you rather read about? Exactly. Fortunately, I do love my job. Maybe they'll let me write about The Hills as an education piece about the decay of adolescent society. Hmm.
  3. I forgot how much I like writing funny stuff. You have to remember, I've written hundreds of news articles the past few years, and rarely wrote anything else. So, the fact I can write about my failed relationships for your enjoyment is pretty kick me in the crotch fantastic.
  4. Blogging and Twitter are much faster, easier ways to keep people updated on what I'm up to than actual conversation. Because, really, talking is slow. It also involves listening, and, hell... wait, what did you say?
  5. AOL instant messenger now seems prehistoric. I will tell my kids (the ones I'll adopt from Africa to save them from Angelina Jolie) one day that back when Daddy was 12 or 13, he talked to girls on AIM every day. There was no Facebook to find friends on...In comparison, I've read many of your blogs and commented back and forth with you, and already feel like I know you the same way I would have if we talked on AIM. And that's all without the needless Dateline host busting in on my house to ask me if I know how old you are. (You are legal, right?)
  6. Reading blogs every day takes up a lot of time. I'm now trying to remember what I did with myself when I wasn't trying to keep tabs on everyone's posts. I think I walked my dog more, because I remember more urine ending up outside than in my kitchen.
  7. I hate HTML. I never had to mess with that crap before. Now I'm installing widgets and trying to figure out what the numeric value of a color is and hyperventilating and wishing I wasn't so mildly aroused at the thought of formatting templates.
  8. Writing about everything that happens to you means everybody knows everything that happens to you. Which means there are some things I've written about here that only a few people knew about before, and now it's out for everyone to read. I figure I might as well be honest... but if my mom ever reads this, she'll talk about me in a hushed voice and take me away to an undisclosed location. Pray for me. (BTW- My mom's actually awesome. But she does talk to cats)
  9. Sitemeter, just like a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie, is the bane of my existence. Despite knowing exactly what the results will be (daily visitor totals/mediocre acting), I can't help but incessantly check out what's going on (page view updates/cleavage) in hopes things are improving. But, invariably, it's usually about the same with no hopes of greatly improving (lack of talent on my part/lack of talent on her part). It's just that there are those rare days when I see potential and wonder, what if? (the day I had a huge spike from "Alicia Sacramone" searches/the day I watched "Heartbreakers" and found JLH charming and funny while she wore the tightest dresses possible).
  10. (Slightly sappy part) Reading your comments often are a highlight of my week. To know that you find this stuff funny and relatable is great. To those who never comment- uh, dude, it takes like two seconds and you don't even have to register. You can make your username Ginger Rogers if you want to. In fact, do so.
* Bob Saget is also the narrator on How I Met Your Mother. I'm still holding out hope that the mother is Mary Kate Olsen (fingers crossed!).
** Don't worry. This won't be done seriously. And, to be honest, I don't even have pants on right now. True story. So, understand I won't get sappy on you.***
*** First off, I just triple-asterisked my double asterisk. Bam. That's never been done before in the English language, and I'm a little proud of myself right now. Second, I'm wearing boxers right now with footballs on them, but I'm usually a plain boxer-briefs kind of guy. What I want to know is what you, ladies, prefer a guy wear. Boxers? Boxer-briefs? Tighty-whities? Depends?

Coming up soon- My tops of August- top movie, song, blog posts, etc. That gives you ample time to think of yours.


Amy xxoo said...

I love a good list! And a lot of that stuff is the reason i enjoy blogging too. Its so strange to think i sometimes look more forward to " catching up " with blog updates than I do with people in my real life.

Oh, and I'm a boxers or those tight boxer/brief kind of gal. I'm not so much interested in Y-fronts unless your David Beckham or early 90's Mark Wahlberg ( forever Marky Mark in my heart ... ).

Miss Tiff said...

I can't even remember the last time I used AOL instant messenger. I love to catch up on people by reading their blogs or their twitter updates.

I prefer boxer-briefs or boxers. Not into the whole tighty-whities thing.

Meghan :) said...

andy shaw i have known you your entire life and just learned within the last week that you sir, are a very funny man. how is that possible? lucky for me facebook news posts the links for me or i'm not sure i ever would have known!! were you this amusing during all of our new years eve parties and i just never noticed?

Anonymous said...

I was gonna leave a comment having something to do with envying you because you like writing news while managing to stay funny, whereas covering crap like school board meetings did irreparable damage to my creativity and sense of humor.

Now, all I really want to know is why the word verification thing to leave a comment here includes the following sequence of letters: "sekxy"...?

Amanda. said...

Mmm. Winnie Cooper was
cute. In a very innocent,
I'm never going to sleep
with you kind of way.
But whatev. She's not so
cute anymore...and she's
quite the mathematician.
Did ya know that, Mr. Andy?

I look forward to your list
of top August goodies.

Oh holllla, boyyy!

Gracie-mel said...

In the Grand Scheme of things...
Reading this blog is MUCH more impactful on
my life than catching up on, say, the MOTHER OF
GOD hurricane info that's apparently going to
re-obliterate N'Awlins.
Analyze THAT!
And, yes, our family does speak to animals.
And yes, Gracie does speak to me...

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