Brother and I made a stop at Dairy Queen on Sunday so I could treat my intestinal tract to the Oreo Brownie Earthquake, registering 7.6 on the Amazing Scale. While waiting, we saw this disturbing cake.... Do you really want to eat a sheet cake with a Communion Cup and Bible on it? Isn't that sacrilegious? Or is this in place of Communion Bread? Cause I don't think that works. I know for sure that Jesus did not have a sheet cake at the Last Supper. If He did, Judas never would have left to betray him. Who leaves when there's a DQ sheet cake to be eaten?A short list of terrible metaphors Brother used throughout the afternoon that made no sense and may, in fact, lead to his downfall. The exact wording has been blotted out of my mind to ward off the devil:
I like my women like I like my sausage. Pink in the middle and crispy on the outside...
I like my women like I like my Amish. Black and blue.
Such a gentleman. He has his own Ladyfriend. I hope she's not Amish. Or made of sausage.
I spent much of the afternoon doing laundry.We've been wearing clothes since Eve bit the apple, and we still haven't figured out a more efficient way to clean them than an hour-plus of washing and drying? Really? There seems to be money to be made here... but I'm sure it's not with Proctor and Gamble's latest idea...If you notice, they are repackaging the ideas of Febreze, Downy Wrinkle Release and Dry-el into an expensive, all-in-one kit that's meant to sit on your nightstand. I can't think of one woman who would come to my place, see a shiny, metallic Swash laundry kit on my nightstand and think, "Now there's a man who has his priorities in line. He's so lazy, he won't even do laundry regularly. That means more time for me... Let's make out on top of last week's clothes!"
Posts
5 comments:
1.) The oreo brownie earthquake is great. It's awesome. I love it. :)
2.) You're brother likes his women like sausage and the Amish? Those two comments would make me go running for the hills if I heard a guy said that.
3.) I would definitely think a guy was lazy and didn't do his laundry if I saw that laundry kit at a guys house.
It sounds as though your brother and I would get along famously.
I like my men like I like my burritos. A little spicy with chunks of mystery meat.
I can just see people ripping giant chunks of cake from the sheet, which the pastor is holding up, and then dipping them into the grape juice goblet, which, by the time you get there, has chunks of frosting floating at the top.
At least all the kids'll rush the alter for communion time.
I really liked the quote "The re-wear experience." It makes me feel like I'm missing out on something when I put back on yesterday's random band t-shirt.
I want to feel special!
Post a Comment