Wednesday, September 24, 2008

To discuss how relationships are like bicep curls, and how I'm in one now

There’s an exciting announcement at the end of this post.*

I started going to the gym again. Now that it’s getting colder (although you know I love autumn like Jessica Simpson’s dad loves her bra size), I can’t keep getting all my exercise through outdoor sports like volleyball. That whole asthma thing sucks (insert inhaler joke here).

I could probably not work out at all and still stay relatively svelte, since God, in His infinite wisdom, decided to bless me with a good metabolism to make up for Him smiting me in other areas, such as personality and intelligence. God’s a good smiter.
But being relatively in shape and being in shape and muscular are two separate things. As I’ve read and agreed with on some of your blogs, just because you’re a thin person doesn’t mean you don’t need to work out (I recall one person writing that some large woman glared and scolded them for working out because they were already thin, as if that means you are in great shape).

So I’ve gone to the gym a few times recently, although not the big megaplexes— yet. There’s one at my apartment complex that barely costs anything to use, so I’ll stick with that one until I get enough muscle to go to the big person gym and lift weights that wouldn’t be ridiculed by an Olsen twin.**
I will say that the entire concept of going to the gym when you’re in your 20s or 30s is a bit ridiculous. This is my theory, at least as far as guys are concerned:
Single guys usually go to the gym to get all those abs and biceps so they can impress single girls. Then, once they get the girl, they have to keep going to the gym to stay fit because they’ve now raised the bar on their appearance. Then, when they break up, the guy goes back to the gym to work out his anger and get in better shape so he can find a new girl. And the cycle continues. Relationships are an endless bicep curl.

I’m sure I’ll write more about the gym at some point— so many things to make fun of— but I do want to include this thought. I just love it when the huge, HGH dudes lifting the equivalent of my body weight on a triceps curl feel the need to slam down weights and scream after each set. As Leo DiCaprio might shout, it’s them saying “I’m the king of the curl!” Except Leo has a neck.
Sometimes I grunt and shout when I’m doing my sets beside them so I can keep up. It invariably sounds like I’m mating with a dog and does not appear manly. At least I'm using the big boy weights and not those colored ones that come in bright blues and pinks.

* I just knew you’d jump to the end. You were probably one of those kids who, when reading the Choose Your Own Adventure books, cheated and read both of the possibilities before selecting an option. Anyway, just thought you should know that Madame Capricorn is the official girlfriend now. Coincidentally, my brother also got a girlfriend last night, which is a very strange and cool coincidence. Fortunately, they are different girls, or that would be awkward.
** OK, really, I actually do have some muscle. So maybe it’s what both Olsen twins can lift combined, which is, say, a can of Red Bull and a dime bag.***
*** If you don’t have enough money, is there a nickel bag? Do they make a food stamp bag?


Teej said...

I'm happy to be the first to say congrats on the official gf/bf status. Madame Capricorn is either lucky or insane :-P Now change your facebook or it isnt official remember!

Libby said...

congrats on the gf!

and yes, i was one of those kids that skipped ahead to see what adventure i was choosing. no worries though, i did go back & read the whole post;-P

Miss Tiff said...

Congrats on Madame Capricorn becoming the official girlfriend. :) I'm super happy for you!

FunnyGal KAT said...

Yay for the new girlfriend! And yay for her not being your brother's girlfriend! (this time at least...)

Does Capricorn know about the blog? How about a guest post one of these days so we can get her side of the story!

ANG* said...

gf/bf status already? nice work buddy.
also, i love gym stories. please continue grunting. that visual is awesome...

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the ladyfriend. That was pretty quick! Ha.

And to prove your point about the gym ... my boyfriend almost entirely ceased going to the gym shortly after we got together, and although he's trying again, with nobody to impress - 'cause let's face it, he already has me, ha - I wonder how long this gym stint shall last.

SouthernBelle said...

Lovely, congrats! That WAS quick work!

PS - Yes, I also skipped to the end but went back & read the whole thing, like libby.

Anyway, it's not like your title didn't give the game away! Unless you meant to say you were in a bicep curl now.

sj said...

i don't have enough of an attention span to skip forward and then jump back, so i actually waited to the end to read the footnotes.

and congrats! i agree with my bff. let's have her do a guest post!

gracie-mel said...

"Coincidentally, my brother also got a girlfriend last night, which is a very strange and cool coincidence"

what... you guys pickin' them up at the Dollar General again? What did I tell you two about that???

Diane said...

Can I just call you Speedy Gonzalez now? ;)

Anonymous said...

I also joined a gym, within the past week actually. And I must say, it's so frustrating to be that girl that everyone chastises for working out while being "skinny." I might be small but I am *not* currently in shape. Those people need to back off! Promise me if you notice skinny girls being picked on that you will bicep curl their attackers with your new muscles.

And congrats on the girlfriend! (I didn't get one of those this week.)

Katie said...

I am naturally thin. I know I will never be fat. But unfortunately the older I get the more squishy I get. NO LIE. Thin girls do need to work out. I'm living proof. However, working out is lame. LAME.

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