Tuesday, November 4, 2008

To discuss a break from the election with a TV Play by Play: Home Improvement

Judging by the blogging world, everyone in America is election crazy today. Now, hey, I voted and got my little sticker. It was nice. And tonight, I'm going to work covering the news of the election. But I don't want all of you to get totally drained by all the red states and blue states and state of minds and state capital of Iowa.*

So, I offer a respite for you this afternoon and evening. It's a TV Play by Play, old school style.
It's a 1993 episode of Home Improvement, "'Twas the Blight Before Christmas." After much success with the Full House play-by-play, this seems like a natural step.

:01 Already, there's an endorsement for a Binford product. If they actually would have made these things, I think I would have bought them. I wouldn't know what to do with any of them, but I would feel more manly if I had a Binford vice and a chainsaw in my house.
:02 First appearance by Tim and Al's show assistant, Heidi. She is one of the truly underappreciated foxes in TV history. She took over for Pam Anderson, and yet was considerably hotter.
:03 The show's opening credits are always amazing as the years go by. You get to see the natural progression of Jill Taylor's hairstyles, which have changed as much as my own mother's. You get to see Mark suddenly become taller than Randy, which I contend is the real reason Jonathan Taylor Thomas crushed Tiger Beat readers by leaving the show for a movie career.... This is still early on, so the boys are really young- Brad still has a mini-mullett. It's also before the show's writer made Mark into a goth for no apparent reason.
:06 Tim is having his annual Christmas lights battle with Doc Johnson. What's that ol' Doc have cooked up this year? Dancing elves on his roof! He's always up to something. If Tim really wanted to win the neighborhood decorating contest, he'd wait a few years until he starred in "The Santa Clause" and then he'd have a real Santa on his roof. Contest. Won.
:09 Brad wants to go on a skiing trip with his friends on Christmas, but Jill says no. I never had this problem when I was his age, mostly because that requires friends inviting you to go places. I did, however, have a sweet Starter jacket- the kinds all the kids wore with some random pro team mascot on it. I had the Jacksonville Jaguars jacket... because it was on sale.
:10 Wilson (who is now dead in real life- such a shame) makes an appearance for his weekly advice giving. As much as possible, I've been posting photos of my girlfriend on this blog with part of her face hidden to emulate the Wilson style and add some mystery. What I really need is a picket fence.
Wilson is working on some Scandanavian Christmas decoration. I never understood how he afforded all these random hobbies, being that he never worked, save for that time when he was Randy's Shakespeare director, and we all know how that ended. Of course, how did Kramer afford living in the same building with Jerry, and how did Rachel afford living with Monica?
:13 Randy confesses he accidentally told Doc Johnson about Tim's Christmas decorating strategy. Randy also confesses he's sorry for "I'll Be Home for Christmas" with Jessica Biel.
:14 Brad refuses to go to church on Christmas Eve because he can't go skiing. Doesn't he know that the Christmas Eve service is the best one to go to, because you can see all the people who skipped church all year but want to hedge their bets so they show up once? Also, so you can worship baby Jesus.
:19 Al says he wishes he could be in the Christmas Eve skit like Mark. Al, consider yourself jealous- I once played baby Jesus. Technically, it's because my mom was pregnant with me in December, but I played the crap out of that role. It kick-started my acting career.
:22 Brad's sweater is all kinds of amazing. There are evergreens and snowflakes on it.
:24 This whole episode is putting me in the Christmas spirit. And yet I have so much Halloween candy to eat.
:25 Tim didn't get injured once this entire episode. Is that a record?
:28 Tim throws the switch on his Christmas display, a la the Griswolds.
:29 I take back that comment about Tim getting injured.

* Des Moines. Cheater.


RainbowEclipse said...

1) I love Home Improvement (the show, not the sh*t that drains your life-savings as a homeowner)... so thanks for choosing this as a distraction from my incessant clicking on the "refresh map" button.

2) I still have cutouts of "JTT" and Devon Sawa, among others, in my dresser someplace from either Tiger Beat or Teen Beat (or one of those similar extremely 80's-looking fan mags...) That was an odd flashback for me, so I'm wondering who YOU fantasy-stalked via fan-magazines?

Amy xxoo said...

Ah, i love your old school Play by Plays - they take me back to my youth. Also, I confess to being one of the 10 billion girls in love with JTT ( yep, thats right, i'm using his acronym ).

My heart, however, will always belong to Johnny Depp...

Lump said...

what? this show's reruns are still on? I haven't seen it in FOREVER.

Miss Tiff said...

Thanks for the break from the election frenzy! Love your play by plays and especially love it when you go old school with them and do play by plays of great reruns. =)

Little Ms Blogger said...

OMG, I forgot that Jonathan Taylor Thomas had a movie career....better yet, what ever became of the youngest son? I'd be really impressed if you knew that....

siovhan said...

this was the best break to my election mania last night. and tonight...on repeat.

best quote of my whole night "but I played the crap out of that role."

Kate said...

Wilson is DEAD? Where have I been?

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