Ask, and you shall receive. I was going to make you wait until tomorrow, but hey, this is a good blogging day on Wild ARS, so here you go... This is the second half of the TV Play-by-Play chronicling the mishaps of American's Next Top Model's season finale. For the first half, go here...We pick up with Samantha (Blondboobs) and McKey (BritMcKey) about to embark on the finale runway showdown, after Analeigh (Saudi Arabia) surprisingly got booted.
:32 The Seventeen magazine editor tells the girls they'll be on the cover if they win. Do 17-year-olds actually read that magazine? I'm guessing it's more for 12-year-old girls and bi-curious 16-year-old boys. Of course, you can learn a lot from reading women's magazines.
:33 Blondboobs says "Seventeen" is so right for her, since she was 17 "three months ago." (Note to Andy: Cancel erotic fantasies)
:34 The runway for this year's finale looks like a MarioKart track. Hopefully none of the girls are hit by any turtle shells.
:35 Tyra comes backstage to calm the girls. Totally unrelated note: Do you remember Tyra in "Higher Learning" with Ice Cube and Omar Epps? Such a good movie. Tyra is topless in that movie, just after she really hit it big as Will Smith's girl, Jackie, on "Fresh Prince." I still think that's her career highlight (am I talking about gratuitous nudity viewed by a 13-year-old, or Fresh Prince? Hmm).
:41 I've been to runway shows before. I just remember thinking that I wanted to feed the models a cheeseburger.
:42 Blondboob's runway walk is... uh... not the best. ANTM always demands the girls have great walks, but they only spend 1 episode early on teaching them how. That would be like all of you demanding that I'm funny in all my blog posts, but me never learning how to ohmygodimsosorry.
:44 These two are some of the worst runway walkers in the history of ANTM. Don't they know you just need to work the garment, keep your eyes focused, move your arms, and walk with your feet landing in a straight line to maximize the strut? Like it's hard.
:44 I love how designers pop out at the end to take a bow, and they are wearing normal street clothes, but they design clothes that look like picnic blankets and space ships.
:45 It's judging time. Tyra's shoulder pads look like they made their way from a Tea Leoni outfit.
:50 The judges review the girls' portfolios. I almost forgot how much different Blondboobs looked when she had long hair, and how much different BritMcKey was back when she was a boxer-type, not unlike Sweet Dee on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." (I'll eat your babies, bitch!)
:55 The judges say Blondboobs is "healthy" looking, i.e. She eats at least twice a day.
:56 Now both girls are described as "linebackerish." We're still describing chicks, here, right?
:57 America's Next Top Model is...
:58 BritMcKey!(I typed that before Tyra said it. I'm psychic.)
:59 McKey is so pumped, she picks up Tyra and Tyra's ample bosom all at once...so you know she's excited.
You think I get into this show? Just wait for American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance...
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