Thursday, November 20, 2008

To discuss a TV Play-by-Play: America's Next Top Model finale Part 2

Ask, and you shall receive. I was going to make you wait until tomorrow, but hey, this is a good blogging day on Wild ARS, so here you go... This is the second half of the TV Play-by-Play chronicling the mishaps of American's Next Top Model's season finale. For the first half, go here...We pick up with Samantha (Blondboobs) and McKey (BritMcKey) about to embark on the finale runway showdown, after Analeigh (Saudi Arabia) surprisingly got booted.

:32 The Seventeen magazine editor tells the girls they'll be on the cover if they win. Do 17-year-olds actually read that magazine? I'm guessing it's more for 12-year-old girls and bi-curious 16-year-old boys. Of course, you can learn a lot from reading women's magazines.
:33 Blondboobs says "Seventeen" is so right for her, since she was 17 "three months ago." (Note to Andy: Cancel erotic fantasies)
:34 The runway for this year's finale looks like a MarioKart track. Hopefully none of the girls are hit by any turtle shells.
:35 Tyra comes backstage to calm the girls. Totally unrelated note: Do you remember Tyra in "Higher Learning" with Ice Cube and Omar Epps? Such a good movie. Tyra is topless in that movie, just after she really hit it big as Will Smith's girl, Jackie, on "Fresh Prince." I still think that's her career highlight (am I talking about gratuitous nudity viewed by a 13-year-old, or Fresh Prince? Hmm).
:41 I've been to runway shows before. I just remember thinking that I wanted to feed the models a cheeseburger.
:42 Blondboob's runway walk is... uh... not the best. ANTM always demands the girls have great walks, but they only spend 1 episode early on teaching them how. That would be like all of you demanding that I'm funny in all my blog posts, but me never learning how to ohmygodimsosorry.
:44 These two are some of the worst runway walkers in the history of ANTM. Don't they know you just need to work the garment, keep your eyes focused, move your arms, and walk with your feet landing in a straight line to maximize the strut? Like it's hard.
:44 I love how designers pop out at the end to take a bow, and they are wearing normal street clothes, but they design clothes that look like picnic blankets and space ships.
:45 It's judging time. Tyra's shoulder pads look like they made their way from a Tea Leoni outfit.
:50 The judges review the girls' portfolios. I almost forgot how much different Blondboobs looked when she had long hair, and how much different BritMcKey was back when she was a boxer-type, not unlike Sweet Dee on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." (I'll eat your babies, bitch!)
:55 The judges say Blondboobs is "healthy" looking, i.e. She eats at least twice a day.
:56 Now both girls are described as "linebackerish." We're still describing chicks, here, right?
:57 America's Next Top Model is...
:58 BritMcKey!(I typed that before Tyra said it. I'm psychic.)
:59 McKey is so pumped, she picks up Tyra and Tyra's ample bosom all at once...so you know she's excited.

You think I get into this show? Just wait for American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance...


Amy xxoo said...

Between your play-by-plays and the rundown of Tyras outfits over at www.gofugyourself.com i will no longer need to ever watch this episode.

Way to save me an hour guys!

LBluca77 said...

I might be the only girl that does not watch America's Next Top Model.

Something might be wrong with me.

Amy said...

I wish Tyra Banks would get lost at sea. She's making a guest appearance in my next blog post.

Beave said...

That was great! "she picks up Tyra and Tyra's ample bosom all at once... so you know she's excited." - I almost peed myself

Maxie said...

What about Tyra in Coyote Ugly-- she was pretty good in that too.

Or maybe I only thought so because she was in it for maybe... 3 minutes?

Either way...she's batshit crazy now.

Herding Cats said...

McKey deserved it...I guess. I wanted Analeigh, but oh well!

Lump said...

I think you secretly wish you could be on this show.

oooh check my blog...I gave you a little something. ;)

Miss Tiff said...

Sweet Jesus. You're busting out with these posts quicker than I can keep up. LOL..

Great Play by Play. I'm glad Mckey won.

BeckEye said...

I'm willing to bet that you don't get into American Idol more than I do. I almost took all of my AI recaps and started my own offshoot blog, The Pop Eyedol, but then I dismantled it after the temper tantrum that followed Michael Johns' elimination last year.

I used to do ANTM recaps too, but I guess I just lost interest. And none of my readers seemed to care that much.

BeckEye said...

By the way, what did you think of "The Nightman Cometh?" I thought it was kind of stupid, but I still laughed through most of it. Mostly at Charlie's intro at the very beginning and his freak-out on Dee. And, like, ANY time he's on screen.

Anonymous said...

Oh I love SYTYCD!!! lol. With this kind of play-by-play just for ANTM, I can't wait for next summer. :)

stealthnerd said...

I was disappointed. Bot that McKey run and that neither of them fell doing that stupid high-speed run up the runway hill. I know it's a RUNway, but I think that's just what it's called, not instructions on how to work it.

elle michelle said...

Didn't Sam -- EXCUSE me, Blondboobs -- look like her legs were going to snap when she walked?

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