Tuesday, December 16, 2008

To discuss a late Weekend Update involving underwear and the ghost of Christmas I Just Peed Myself

My potential mother-in-law folded my underwear.

But first, a Christmas story.

Capricorn's parents took the two of us out for dinner and a show on Friday night. The show came first. It was a local theater production of A Christmas Carol, Charles Dicken's classic tale of Kermit and Miss Piggy trying to persevere against the wicked Michael Caine (right?)

This was an original adaptation, so no singing, no modern take, no Muppets, nothing. Old school. And that's cool- I like seeing a theater production stick with a classic. And they did a wonderful job. Except for one little fact

A Christmas Carol is not a family show. It is a horror show.

I don't ever recall Charles Dickens making me soil myself before, but the opening few scenes were like Quarantine all over again. Lots of creepy lighting, people chanting, Jacob Marley shouting, and the cold London streets eerily glowing. If I was a child, I would've been crying. Since I'm a grown man, I merely whimpered.
Fortunately, we went to Olive Garden afterward and I forgot my troubles after the fourth breadstick.

Back to underwear.
I don't have a washer/dryer in my apartment, so I have to walk it across the lot to the laundry facility on our complex, and it costs about $3.00 in quarters per wash and dry. I had a ton of laundry to do Saturday, so Capricorn was kind enough to let me bring my stuff over to her house so I could do it while I hung out there. I got most of it done, but then we had to go to my office Christmas party (we were the only ones not drinking... probably a good thing), so there was a load left.
That load had assorted items.
So we spent Saturday night at my house and returned to hers after a rousing Steelers victory Sunday afternoon. I was going to throw the last load in the dryer, but Capricorn's mother was nice enough to have already done that. She even folded the clothes.
Including my underwear.
As she told Capricorn later, Capricorn-in-law was worried I'd be upset that she touched my manpants. Quite the contrary- I'm all for someone volunteering to do my laundry. She was especially tickled to see my red boxers with little dogs on them.

But, here's the truth amongst this: Capricorn's mom has folded my underwear. I don't think you're allowed to break up after that. I think the never-break-up scale is something like:
1) Get her pregnant
2) Go through a traumatic experience together
3) Have her mom fold your underwear


Anonymous said...

What? She folded your draws???



Well, wait... You did get your laundry done for free. And you didn't have to fold it yourself. Score.

But still...


Paula said...

also on that list:

if you kill her parent for folding your underwear, you also can't break up.

although there may be an involuntary break-up due to a prison sentence.

I don't know where that came from. I'm only half awake.

Amy xxoo said...

Okay, i'm glad your alright with that, but that would just weird me out.

Seriously - bless her little cotton socks for helping you out like that, but..... weird.

~Sheila~ said...

Well Hey!
You said yourself that you have no problems with it. Maybe her mom gets a little 'kick' out of folding them.

Yeah, just thought I'd give you a little something to think about next time you take your laundry over.


What if they come to visit YOU and all of a sudden your underwear are miraculously folded.

ONLY your underwear.

Ben said...

Wow man. That's intense! Do we have to throw a bacheloresque party for this? I'm not sure how etiquette approaches mother-in-law underwear folding...

*~Dani~* said...

Good thing your thong wasn't dirty that day, right?

Jest said...

I don't think I would be comfortable with that, though it was very nice of her to do your laundry. Maybe I'll come over to Capricorn's Mom's place and get her to wash some stuff (but not my underwear).

Sam_I_am said...

Ah, I can beat that my father-in-law and grandfather-in-law have both folded my underoos. Fortunately, my underwear are fun, (I have some that glow in the dark!), so I hope they found it enjoyable.

Liz said...

Did you ever think she was checking to see if you are worthy of her dear Capricorn? ;)

FunnyGal KAT said...

As long as you got it all back, who cares what it looks like, right? (Oh, ewww, I just insinuated that Mama Capricorn kept some of your undies!)

But, yes, never, ever allowed to break up now.

Diane said...

In some cultures, you'd be married now. To Capricorn, not her mother. I know... whew.

brookem said...

once the unders are folded by the girl you're seeing, or worse, her momma, you're really IN.

stealthnerd said...

Wait, dudes get weirded out if you fold their skivvies? Crap! I used to do that for guys in college ALL the time. If I needed a dryer, I was emptying one. So yes...to recap...I folded strangers undies.

Andy said...

Everyone: Just to clarify, Capricorn's mom is not a perverted underwear stealer. I got everything back. In fact, she gets bonus points for doing something nice.

Unlike your mom. She still owes me $20 for the pleasure I gave her the other night. (Oh!)

Áine Caitríona said...

Am I the only person that doesn't find this weird? It's a very Mom thing to do. I think it's cute, actually.

You were one of the people who wants to do my mom, aren't you?

Lump said...

wow that made me feel soooooo OLD. thanks, Andy.

Jenners said...

I sure hope you didn't have any "hard to get out" skid marks. Because she will tell her daughter...and you might be doomed. I'd examine said underwear carefully for anything that she might have seen...and now you'll know that she's seen it and will always always remember.

SouthernBelle said...

This depends on a fact you may or may not be willing to reveal to the world.

It's only creepy if the daughter hasn't seen the underwear "in situ" as it were.

If the mother sees the underwear before the daughter, I think that's weird.

TishTash said...

I don't think it's weird, I think it's her stamp of approval.

I once knew a boy whose mom IRONED and folded his underwear. Now that is a little a much, even if it was his own mom.

Kellie said...

Well, at least the underware had already been washed and any shit streaks hopefully were out by the time she touched it. Ew. Gross. I went there. Sorry. I had an ex that constantly had shit streaks down his boxers. WTF? Seriously? Learn to wipe. You are a grown man. Disgusting.

Oh and Olive Garden, I am SO hungry now.

Sophia said...

ahahahaha! sounds like a cool lady. I watch A Muppet Christmas Carol every year! It's my second-favorite muppet movie, next to Muppet Treasure Island.

Astharis said...

A Muppet Christmas Carol is probably my FAVOURITE Christmas film. I've actually had songs from it stuck in my head for about two weeks now!

The thing with your underwear and Capricorn's mother is pretty cute I think. Especially considering we're in the season of goodwill & cheer. :)

sj said...

I nominate this as the best blog post title ever.

the Ghost of Christmas I Just Peed Myself

kisatrtle said...

Did she just fold them or did she roll them so they will fit neater in your drawer? My husband is still trying to get me to do that..LOL

P.S. How was the Christmas party or should I wait for the post. I had to miss because of the Griswald family thing.

JenBun said...

I think that means you have to start dating her MOM now!! :D

Geiger Girl said...

As always, you had me rolling! Love reading ya!

LBluca77 said...

Ok no you now can't break up. If you do her mom will forever think of you as the guy whos "manpants she folded" You will be the topic of discussion at every holiday.

I'm going to start using that word manpants. "hey I like your manpants" "can I get in your manpants" "you wanna show me your manpants"

So many pick up lines.

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