Friday, January 2, 2009

To discuss a future topic sure to lead to a Cosmo article about "What's Wrong Down THERE?"

Capricorn and I slept a total of 14 hours on New Years' Day, including an unscheduled four-hour nap that started with Capricorn saying "Hey, I'm gonna take a nap," and ended with, "Holy crap, what time is it? Is it dark out now? Did we just sleep the entire afternoon?" (6:15 p.m., yes and somehow, yes.)

After a gift-card funded dinner at Chili's, we got in a conversation I immediately dubbed "Blog worthy."
I think you know the type.
It's clear as soon as the conversation starts that what is discussed needs to be relayed to the masses, dissected and argued. I knew it. She knew it (well, I told her she knew it).
So, here we go. A warning: this topic is for mature audiences only (I mean by age, not by maturity level; otherwise, I wouldn't be able to read my own blog). For the sake of limiting porn spammers, I'll use euphemisms when possible.

The topic:

Which body part creates the worst experience for its owner because of how it causes uncomfortable, painful, or embarrassing experiences:
The male's twig and berries OR
The female's va-jay-jay.

I'll have my list vs. Capricorn's list on Sunday; don't all jump on the va-jay-jay train too soon, as you need to give me a fair shake (no pun intended). Until then, peruse the co-blog I did with Katie on all of our New Year's stuff. It's a delight.


Ben said...

I dunno....I think we're trumped by the whole giving birth thing. But then again, I only accept that argument from people who do it the real, 24-stitches to get even close to normal again, way.

Marinka said...

When I was about 12, my mother casually said "thank god I'm not a man, I'd be terrified of getting my penis caught in the zipper all the time" and it made quite an impression on me.

Because as Ben said, yeah, birth is ouchy, but penal zipper has got to be bad too! And no one brings you a cute baby outfit for it.

Diane said...

Well, childbirth is certainly uncomfortable (and by 'uncomfortable' I mean 'feels likes you shit out a couch') but on the embarrassing front, I'm siding with the boys here... I think there would be little more embarrassing than being a teenager (or a grown-up) and getting a very obvious boner in the wrong place at the wrong time. Am I right? I know that I wouldn't want a body part that has a mind of its own if I couldn't hide it well. Looking forward to your lists!

SouthernBelle said...

You have so few male readers that I just can't see you winning this one, Andy.

Herding Cats said...

Honestly, I think the va-jay-jay wins. All KINDS of weird stuff can go wrong, we get monthly visits, and yah....that whole childbirth thing is kind of disturbing. However, I do think getting boners every two seconds would be kind of a hassle. Sorry, I'm nasty!

Paula said...

A "fair shake" my ass!

Er . . .

Looking forward to it. :)

Miss Tiff said...

Hmm. I think the va-jay-jays have this one. We have monthly visits. Plus there's the whole giving birth thing. Definitely looking forward to your lists.

Jest said...

The problem is, I don't have the twig and berries equipment to make a fair judgement. I think we've got it worse though, so I'm interested in hearing your conversation.
I wish I could have slept 14 hrs yesterday. I was traveling, sleeping in airplanes and in airports is difficult.

JenBun said...

This game is hard.

You tell ME what to think! (Isn't this how this blogging thing works?!?)

I'm gonna go sleep for 14 hours now.

Kylie said...

I think the va-jay-jay's have this...fo' shizzle! Seriously, every 28 days I say, "I wish I wasn't a woman!?!"

'Nough 'said!

kisatrtle said...

This one is going to be hard to win, Andy. I mean and occassional "Are you happy to see me moment" versus childbirth, monthly visitors and nightmarish accidents in middle school. You're going to need one hell of a list to convince me to vote for the twig and berries.

Andy said...

I'm 18 so I'm allowed, right?

Vah-jay-jay. Guys don't get periods and ovulation.

We win.

Libby said...

oh lord...only you ;-P

i'd say va-jay-jays have it by a landslide. although blue balls sounds terribly painful at least you don't have to pop out a kiddo...just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Two words:


all the women can quit complaining

Rachel said...

This discussion has caused massive fights in my marriage. Seriously, if we get divorced the papers will say;

"Irreconcilable genitalia"

LBluca77 said...

Marinkas comment reminded me of There's Something About Mary when he gets his franks and beans caught in his zipper. Ouch.

Jossie Posie said...

Girl parts win, hands down. There is so much nastiness and pain that can occur down there I don't even want to think about it.

Bens comment traumatized me a bit. I'm not so sure I want to make babies now. bleh.

Miss Fabulous said...

I can't wait - although as someone currently suffering from a yeast infection I don't think the guys have a chance...oh! does that gross you out? Well then, you see what I mean.

Jenners said...

Even though I am a girl, I'm thinking that the twig and berries (great euphemism by the way) has way more potential to cause problems due to its "outward" appearance.

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