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Monday, January 5, 2009

To discuss some comments for Nachaat Abdel, a faithful spammer

E-Mail from Mr Nachaat Abdel
Bank of Africa You couldn't even come up with a cool name? Like the Bank of the Hidden Pyramids, or the Bank of the Continent Where Charlize Theron Is From?
ZOGONA Branch Did you just use the first word that popped up on the word verification filter?
29 Igbegaou Ave.
ZOGONA
Burkina Faso

Good day Not since I got this e-mail

I am Mr.Nachaat Abdel,the corporate Strategy officer (Who is bad with capitalization) at the customer Service Department of Bank of Africa,Zogona, Burkina Faso here in West Africa (You don't get extra credibility for using multiple location identifiers. Wouldn't I sound crazy if I wrote, "I'm reading this from the United States, in Pennsylvania, in a chair, near the bathroom"?). With due respect and regards,I write to sollicit (Solicit, you mean?) your assistance and collaboration in actualizing a financial transaction which (that) will be of mutual benefits (benefit) to both of us. (Somehow, I doubt this, and I'm not even using racial profiling.)

I discovered an abadoned (spelling) fixed term deposit account (FTDA) file of Ten millions five hundred sixty two thousand two hundred dollars and Eighty Cents (US$10,562,200,80 CENT)(What, $10 million even wouldn't sound as credible?) that belongs to a deceased customer of the bank whose untimely death (Are there timely deaths?) occured (spelling... what, your computers don't have spell check?) on 19th july 2003 with his wife and children in an auto accident in Bafora,a tourist village in Southern Burkina Faso . (And you're just finding this account NOW?)

Since we got the information about his death ,we have been expecting his near of kin to come and claim the money (maybe they died in the another e-mail fraud story). It is therefore,upon this discovery that I have decided to make this proposal to you to act as the next of kin (because that makes so much sense) to the deceased customer for safety and subsequent disboursement (disbursement? Or do you mean dismemberment? Will I lose limbs?) of the fund since nobody is coming for it .Our banking rules here stipulates that if such fund remained unclaimed after some years ,the fund is considered Statule barred and thus forteified and transfered into the state treasury as statule. (I won't even attempt to correct that grammar. But the main question is, Why aren't you taking it for yourself? And, even better, what kind of bank has a loosely-defined rule that allows some random dude to claim a fortune if no one else claims it after an undefined number of years? What is this, the lost and found box? Do I get a sweater and one glove, too?)

On the smooth conclusion of this transaction ,you will be entitled to fourty percent ((40%) of the fund for your participation as my investor partner while sixty (60%) woud be for me (Screw that. If I'm going to get fleeced, I want at least 60 percent). I stand to assure you that there is no risks(i.e. tons of) in this transaction for it is legal (nope), risk free (not even close) and will be one hundred percent (100%) (un)successful because all logistics are in place and all modalities worked out for a smooth actualization of the transaction.

I will give the detailed information and the appropriate procedures for the claim when I hear from you again. (You won't hear from me. But sadly, I'll hear from you.)

Yours Faithfully,

NACHAAT ABDEL (Let's play a game called your the spawn of Satan. AnnndDDDD YOU WIN! All you have to do to collect your grand prize is send me $5,000 in unmarked bills as a deposit. Wait, you wouldn't do that? Why not? This is going to be 100 percent successful.)

20 comments:

Astharis said...

I love the ridiculousness of spam. Generally, I'm looking forthe crazy weird euphemisms for the male genitalia.

I don't know... Perhaps the rest of my mail is so uninteresting that the spam is better.

~Sheila~ said...

I think I'm getting letters from Nachaat's cousin. I'm supposed to be receiving some money also.

Sam_I_am said...

The sad part is that some people in our country believe this and say "Do you have a Western Union in Zogona??" Then, 6 months later, they are on MSNBC boo-hooing that someone stole their money. They didn't steal it, you just got fined for being a moron.

Herding Cats said...

Soooo ridiculous!

Miss Fabulous said...

ugh! I hate these people. hate hate hate.

Ben said...

hahahahahahahaha

I will continue to send you spam if it means you keep posting these.

Marinka said...

I love the English-lite that it's written in. And that they trust me so much. Finally, a bank that I can count on!

amindinmotown said...

While I do love that you took the time to break down this horrible spammer's attempt, I can't believe you actually read it. I always delete that stuff without even paying attention to it.

You know what's really sad? Some people seriously fall for this crap. Cannot believe it, but they do. Idiots.

Srg said...

That is awesome! I can't count how many times I have thought the same things while reading their stupid emails.

Racquel Valencia said...

Wait, wait, waaaaait... you mean this isn't for real?

Damn. And here I was thinking I didn't have to worry about job-hunting.

sj said...

awesome. i haven't actually ever received these, and quite frankly, i believe it's some kind of failing on my part.

Andy said...

Astharis- Spam is so weird, isn't it? How do they come up with this stuff?
Sheila- Let's buy something with our riches.
Sam- lol Who are these people, anyway?
Herding- He's serious, too.
Fab- So, you don't like them?
Ben- I've got enough, trust me. But if there's a specific one that needs the ARS treatment, let me know.
Marinka- I love me some broken English
Motown- What can I say, I'm curious.
SRG- I say what you think.
Racquel- Sorry to burst your spam bubble.
SJ- No, that's succeeding.

Miss Tiff said...

Hahahaha.

I don't know which is more sad that some people actually buy into that crap or the fact that the spammer things we all are stupid enough to fall for it.

JenBun said...

I always get the messages from the bankers/lawyers who are writing to tell me that Some Nice, Rich, Dead Person Who Met Me Once has left me lots and lots of money...

Hooray! I'm going to be rich!! See ya later, suckas!!!

Kellie said...

What you say? I won the lottery? $50,000,000!! No way! I didn't even buy a ticket! I am the luckiest woman alive!
Some people will fall for ANYTHING.

Sara said...

Your too hard on Nachaat...he just wants to give you some money :)

*~Dani~* said...

I, too, had a good one of these lately that I was going to address on my blog. However, since I get so far behind in posting, now it will just look like I am copying you. Way to unintentioinally one up me. Well played.

Mel said...

Wait, I got this same letter! How is 100% of the money going to be split 40% to you, 40% to me, and 60% to Mr. Adbel? I'm so confused!

hautepocket said...

Shut UP. That's my boyfriend.

spleeness said...

This is hilarious. Reminds me of the Egineer Robson story:
I Think You Can Have Fun With Nigerian Scams. Some guy went back & forth with Egineer Robson about the "funds" being so generously offered and their dialogue is so funny.

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