To discuss some comments for Nachaat Abdel, a faithful spammer

E-Mail from Mr Nachaat Abdel
Bank of Africa You couldn't even come up with a cool name? Like the Bank of the Hidden Pyramids, or the Bank of the Continent Where Charlize Theron Is From?
ZOGONA Branch Did you just use the first word that popped up on the word verification filter?
29 Igbegaou Ave.
ZOGONA
Burkina Faso

Good day Not since I got this e-mail

I am Mr.Nachaat Abdel,the corporate Strategy officer (Who is bad with capitalization) at the customer Service Department of Bank of Africa,Zogona, Burkina Faso here in West Africa (You don't get extra credibility for using multiple location identifiers. Wouldn't I sound crazy if I wrote, "I'm reading this from the United States, in Pennsylvania, in a chair, near the bathroom"?). With due respect and regards,I write to sollicit (Solicit, you mean?) your assistance and collaboration in actualizing a financial transaction which (that) will be of mutual benefits (benefit) to both of us. (Somehow, I doubt this, and I'm not even using racial profiling.)

I discovered an abadoned (spelling) fixed term deposit account (FTDA) file of Ten millions five hundred sixty two thousand two hundred dollars and Eighty Cents (US$10,562,200,80 CENT)(What, $10 million even wouldn't sound as credible?) that belongs to a deceased customer of the bank whose untimely death (Are there timely deaths?) occured (spelling... what, your computers don't have spell check?) on 19th july 2003 with his wife and children in an auto accident in Bafora,a tourist village in Southern Burkina Faso . (And you're just finding this account NOW?)

Since we got the information about his death ,we have been expecting his near of kin to come and claim the money (maybe they died in the another e-mail fraud story). It is therefore,upon this discovery that I have decided to make this proposal to you to act as the next of kin (because that makes so much sense) to the deceased customer for safety and subsequent disboursement (disbursement? Or do you mean dismemberment? Will I lose limbs?) of the fund since nobody is coming for it .Our banking rules here stipulates that if such fund remained unclaimed after some years ,the fund is considered Statule barred and thus forteified and transfered into the state treasury as statule. (I won't even attempt to correct that grammar. But the main question is, Why aren't you taking it for yourself? And, even better, what kind of bank has a loosely-defined rule that allows some random dude to claim a fortune if no one else claims it after an undefined number of years? What is this, the lost and found box? Do I get a sweater and one glove, too?)

On the smooth conclusion of this transaction ,you will be entitled to fourty percent ((40%) of the fund for your participation as my investor partner while sixty (60%) woud be for me (Screw that. If I'm going to get fleeced, I want at least 60 percent). I stand to assure you that there is no risks(i.e. tons of) in this transaction for it is legal (nope), risk free (not even close) and will be one hundred percent (100%) (un)successful because all logistics are in place and all modalities worked out for a smooth actualization of the transaction.

I will give the detailed information and the appropriate procedures for the claim when I hear from you again. (You won't hear from me. But sadly, I'll hear from you.)

Yours Faithfully,

NACHAAT ABDEL (Let's play a game called your the spawn of Satan. AnnndDDDD YOU WIN! All you have to do to collect your grand prize is send me $5,000 in unmarked bills as a deposit. Wait, you wouldn't do that? Why not? This is going to be 100 percent successful.)

To discuss my life in e-mails and shaping chesticles

I figured if the first part didn't draw you in, the second part would.
Pervert.
Let's get the second part over with now.
This commercial boggles my mind. It's either one of the most erotic infomercials ever, or it's the most disturbing. I'm no Dr. McDreamy (unless it's in my veterinary metaphor), but I'm still guessing it's not natural for boobs to move sideways like that. If that's the idea, then they really screwed up on Baywatch girls going up and down all those years.
Watch a minute (or two- it's enchanting) of the footage. As a guy, I'm highly confused about my emotions on this- it is, technically, cleavage... but it looks like fleshy shape shifters. More accurately, it looks like those scarabs in "The Mummy" have grown larger, taken over that poor woman's chesticles, and are now pacing back and forth.
Am I missing something here, or wouldn't adding muscle, by doing chest exercises, actually decrease the bust line because breast tissue is made of fat? You didn't see busty swimmers and gymnasts at the Olympics, did you? Just a thought.
But hey, it worked for 58-year-old Kathleen H: "I saw everything come up and everything fill out." As Michael Scott would say, that's what she said.

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On to important business. Ever since I started this blog, I've had the idea in the back of my head that it would be fun and memorable for me and entertaining for you if I gave an overview of some recent years in my life, kind of a "The Story of Andy." Not that every day goes as horribly as this one, but it might make for some high entertainment to recall past failures.
To do that straight from memory, though, would be a feat. But then I remembered one thing that tracks the passage of time better than clocks and fashion trends: E-mails.
Kids, I looked in my Hotmail account (which uses my AIM screen name from when I was in sixth grade), and I've got e-mails dating the whole way back to Dec. 2001, nearing the end of my first semester in college. Sent e-mails are precious few, but I've got tons and tons of received e-mails because I never delete them out of fear that one day I'd write a blog and some random person would want to read about them (I'm so smart).
So here is what I'm proposing-- and if it's a terrible idea, say so. I'd like to do a semi-regular series of posts (monthly?) that, using nothing but memory and snippets of e-mail text, reconstruct that fateful freshmen year until now. I promise to make it juicy and funny and terribly embarrassing on my half, without naming names to protect the innocent. This is either my best idea ever or my worst.
Most of it will be recounting and second-guessing what I was thinking at the time. There's also life-changing decisions, failures, successes- all the good stuff. What do you think?
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Also- I'm going out tonight with a new Ladyfriend. No, not Quiznos girl. This is someone with whom I've actually had a conversation with out loud and not just in my head, and who appears to be funny/cute/friendly/not likely to murder me/all those good things. And who, from what she said, reads this blog... and she still wants to see me tonight. This makes me wonder about the mental state of other men in her life if I seem like a viable option. Anyway, wish me luck. I promise to be a gentleman.