Tuesday, January 13, 2009

To discuss a TV Play by Play: Bromance Is For Lovers

After last week's manlove fest, could MTV's "Bromance" get any stranger and more homoerotic this week?
You bet your tighty whities! It's another Bromance Play by Play.

:02 Brody gets right into the action by asking Lauren Conrad to come interview the bros, Dating Game style. I'm disappointed he didn't ask former best bro Spencer Pratt to do this. It would have been high comedy, just as it was watching that ridiculous MTV live wedding marathon hosted by Spencer and Heidi on New Year's Day. Actual conversation- Spencer to groom: "Hey, your fiance just told me she's got cold feet. You willing to back out too?" Groom: "Uh..." Spencer: "Just kidding man, I just made that up. Haha! I got you."
:04 Gary is wholeheartedly trying to replace my title as Straight Dude with Way Too Many Gay Tendencies (it comes with a trophy, a Banana Republic gift card and a lack of male friends who can fix cars or drink lagers). When Lauren asks him why he'd be a good boyfriend, Gary responds he likes to shop and loves to cuddle. He later compliments her shoes. In a related development, Gary gets his own spinoff, "Bromance II: I'll Consider 'It' If I Get to be Pitcher and He Gets to Be Catcher."
:07 Alex wins the challenge. Femi, who went crazy last episode and called himself animal names, can't believe he lost, despite the fact he's lost every time. He's clueless, like the creepy older guy who goes clubbin' and tries to dance with your girl friends. In 50 years, I expect Femi to be grinding on some scared college sophomore and calling himself a "Bald Eagle."
:13 It wouldn't be Bromance without some homoerotic action: Brody's real life best friends bust in on him while he's taking a shower. Brody can't believe they did this, despite the fact the cameraman was filming before they entered. What was that cameraman thinking before they entered? "So... Brody... this is awkward."
:18 Annndddd all the guys have their shirts off, again, a Brotrait of this show. This time it's for a Slip 'n' Slide Jered put together using garbage bags, a sprinkler and lube water. The guys are supposed to come up with an activity that represents them and would impress Brody. And yet Jered chose a Slip 'n' Slide, evidently because lathering sunscreen on each other would be just a little too over the top.
:23 Alex cements his spot as a future "OMG He's so CUTE" teen girl's text when he plays guitar and sings. Gary cements his spot as a future "OMG He's so CUTE" teen boy's text when he conducts a dance class and gets into a dance-off with Femi.
:35 Femi's activity is hygiene advice. That idea bombs, so he takes the next logical step and gets a tattoo. I literally stopped the Tivo when he announced this, not because it was going to be a near-replica of the lettering Brody has on his ribs, but because I couldn't believe the tattoo wasn't a tramp stamp of a butterfly. That would be more Bromantical, right?
:45 The other guys ask Femi why he got the tattoo. Femi ignores the question and proceeds to go off about his dead homies back in Orlando. "Family is all I got," Femi says, which is why he auditioned for a reality show thousands of miles away to be the best friend of a stranger.
:48 It's elimination time. Brody says Jered shouldn't have told Lauren that he likes to look at a girl's ass. Brody, that was about the only straight, girl-loving comment I've heard on the series so far. Let the man speak.
:50 Brody respects Femi for getting a tattoo... and for keeping ratings up. Femi stays, allowing him another week's worth of comparing himself to animals and shouting at bystanders, not unlike an overzealous zookeeper.
:55 Down to two guys: Jered and Gary. To make the decision about who gets booted off, Brody says he wants to "handle it like men." In the spirit of Bromance, I can only hope it's Greco-Roman wrestling or something involving the words "prostate."
:57 Nope. Brody had them blindfolded (kinky, but...) and then shot Jered with a paintball gun, marking him a goner. I think a mechanical bull would have been more appropriate for Bromance. Maybe next week.


~Sheila~ said...

You know... I don't watch this show but I'm considering watching it cause you make it so entertaining.

Or...maybe I won't watch it and just get the mentals from your play-by-plays.


Thomas said...


Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

It actually hurts me to read this. Are you serious? Is this really a show?

If it is I think I'm going to dedicate my life to playing sports, drinking beer and getting into fights just to prove to the women of this world that there may be some trace of manhood still left in society.


Nice post thoguh:)

Ben said...

You are such a trooper for making it through each episode for the sake of these recaps.

Jest said...

Yeah. I just really, really do not get this show.

Miss Fabulous said...

Usually when I watch the show I don't pick up on all the homosexual innuendos that you do, but even I have to admit the shower scene was uncomfortable and I would very much like to one day see Brody Jenner naked. Can't wait until next week!

FunnyGal KAT said...

Shower scene? Slip and Slide? Dance class? Oh my gosh, could this show get any more testosterone filled? And who's the dude in the pink shirt at the left of the photo? I like to be able to picture the douches-- oops, I mean dudes-- you're talking about in your (skillfully written) recaps.

mindy said...

Well, that did not disappoint. Thanks to JenBun for sending me this way.

HOWEVER...I feel like I am missing something. Is this Brody character actually NOT gay? He just wants a new friend? And he was okay when MTV pitched the idea, "Let's call it BRO-mance, get it?"

So weird. These people are all total douchebags.

Jenners said...

Thank you for watching this show so I don't have to. I love your play-by-play. I'm addicted to The Soup on E! with Joel McHale and he was mocking this show and my husband I were like "Is this for real?" Is this a dating show for two guys?" They were sitting by a fire pit with candles. Seriously, what is up with this show? I look forward to your continued updates. They are brilliantly funny!

Ben said...

P.S. Awkward shower scene found online here: http://videogum.com/archives/reality-tv/hold-on-who-is-bromances-inten_045231.html

*~Dani~* said...

So glad for these recaps. One less stupid cheesy show I don't have to watch. And thanks to Ben for the link to the video. It was not as bad as I expected. What does that say about the caliber of shows I watch?

Sophia said...

he seriously eliminated the guy with a paintball gun?? you can't even make this stuff up (well, maybe YOU can!)

Andy said...

Sheila- You're probably better off not watching.
Thomas- Yeah, it's a show. I know gay men who act a lot manlier than these dudes.
Ben- It's my gift to society.
Jest- It's hard to know what to think of it.
Fab- You know he's going to be full-on naked sometime soon.
KAT- Jered is in the pink shirt.
Mindy- Glad I held up my end. And I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that convo.
Jenners- Yeah, it's for real.
Ben- Great, now people can watch again and again.
Dani- That's a sad indictment.
Sophia- I can't make this stuff up.

Liz said...

I've got a question for ya, Andy, my sweets...
How would you win Brody over as your BROFriend on Bromance?

JenBun said...

God, this show is weird... Literally the only thing I like about it is that you write about it! :)

(See what you're missing, Mindy?? :P )

KatieSaysSo said...

How is it that I watch Bromance and Rock of Love Bus....but not The Bachelor?

Im am so cool.....its almost hurts....

kate said...

WAIT he almost eliminated Gary?! LOL, of what I've seen of the show which hasn't been much thanks to your excellent recaps, he's amazing! Thank you for writing these play by plays so I don't even have to watch.

Thomas said...

ou got tagged man, believe it:


Sara said...

I'm totally pulling for Alex to take the win ... Way to represent Maine Alex you do our state proud!

Becky said...

This was such a great play-by-play that my eyesight has been mystically restored. I will not take that gift for granted, and shall use my gift of blessed sight to read your future Bromance play-by-plays EXCLUSIVELY!!! Nice work, new friend. Nice work.

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