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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

To discuss Facebook stealing a rite of passage

Dear Facebook:

When I was a boy and had a crush on a girl*, there was only one socially acceptable way to tell her. You wrote her a note. You wrote her an honest-to-God**, handwritten note that should include romantic salutations, references to how she reminds you of song lyrics*** and a mention of "Do you like me Circle Yes No or Maybe."

That's how deals were done.

But now you've eliminated such old-fashioned possibilities with your inboxes and relationship status feature and superpokes. You've taken all the charm and effort out of letting a 13-year-old boy tell that cute girl in his class he wants to fondledate her.

Sure, I'm way past that time for me. Capricorn would get weirded out if I passed her a note at this point.**** But there's an entire generation of young Letharios out there who don't know the joy of getting that note back in study hall, unfolding its intricate pattern and realizing the girl he loves, the girl that gives him (wet) wonderful dreams, has enthusiastically circled...

"No."

Oh. She circled no? I always black out that part in my head. Most girls said no- I worked in quantity. Maybe Facebook is the way to go after all. There's probably a Facebook app for love, anyway.

Keep 'poking, kids.

Andy

* I had a crush on every girl. That includes all classmates, their moms, their sisters and you.
** The note didn't have to be honest, just that it needed to be actual paper. It's OK to tell the girl she's the cutest in the class even if you told the last girl that. It's not OK for both those girls to find out. My bad, ladies.
*** At the time, it was Ace of Base lyrics. That might be the reason things never worked out. I told girls I Saw The Sign... and that All That She Wants Is Another Baby, She's Gone Tomorrow Boy.
**** Not to say I wouldn't do it. But I'd have to find new lyrics that do not involve Swedish supergroups. Perhaps T-Pain?

20 comments:

stealthnerd said...

Aw, I got that note once or twice...I even saved the one from my 4th grade husband.

What's that? Oh...we weren't the only elementary school to have recess weddings and marry our crushes, were we?

Oh...um...nevermind then.

Racquel Valencia said...

You need new song lyrics to make the ladies swoon? Looks like I posted my Top 10 List just in time!!

Paula said...

Any note including Ace of Base lyrics would be A-ok with me.

Is that pathetic???

~Sheila~ said...

Oooohhh, you have a crush on me too?!?
Awesome!

Can you imagine my horror when the song "Oh Sheila" came out and boys were crushing on me through it.....

I hate that song.

TishTash said...

I totally did a choreographed dance to Ace of Base in front of a live audience. True story.

Jossie Posie said...

I still melt when I get one of those notes...too bad I haven't gotten one since I was 8 :-(

bianca said...

If some guy told me that "he saw the sign", the 5th grade me would have been all over that...ok, even the 25 year old me would embrace it.

Andy said...

Well, those kids I tell you, are growing up TOO FAST.

My sister was on a field trip to France, and when they were in those boats on the Seine river, she says there were about 4 couples of 11 y.o. kissing.

Can we say precocious?

Lump said...

i'm going to bust out some Ace of Base now.... thank you for that.

It's a beautiful life, ooooh.

Jess said...

Did you get this post idea from my blog crush confession? Your comment was something about passing yes/no/maybe notes.

What's the deal with superpoke? Is that an actual thing on Facebook? I've heard tell of it but never actually seen it. I guess no one likes me enough to superpoke me.

Heather said...

Had to let you know how much I appreciated the Ace of Base reference. HA! Had I been one of those girls you crushed on, that would've totally done it for me. I shamelessly loved Ace of Base. That's right... I said it. I LOVED them!

Amy xxoo said...

I got one of two of those kind of notes...oh so cute!

And i cant believe you just made an Ace of Base reference... you really are the king of obscure pop culture arent you ?

kisatrtle said...

Here I thought this post was going to be about Facebook's new terms of use stating they own all of our posted photographs...mmmmmm who can I pass a note too??

Andy said...

I'm glad you all picked up on the Ace of Base reference. I used to have their cassette, CD and tour DVD. Yep.

Sorry if anyone is having problems viewing the blog (let me know if you are)- I was messing with HTML last night and may have screwed something up. Explorer has more issues than Firefox, it seems.

p.huong said...

Lyrics from Lil Wayne would be a good way to go.

Jenners said...

It always amazed me that guys wouldn't just list "Yes" and "Yes" to get the answer they wanted.

I remember getting a note from a boy in grade school like this and writing back: "I don't even know you." Was that you? If so, I'm sorry.

Oh...that's right ... I'm like 20 years older than you. My bad.

Thomas said...

You have a crush on me? Wierd...

I guess you really do live up to your reputation as a serial flirter although Ace of Base wasn't the hottest choice.

Thanks, I'll be humming that for the rest of the day now...

Srg said...

Ace of Base was the bomb back then! But I think I was in high school by the time they came out.
Dang, I feel old...

Anyway, thanks for bringing back those great childhood memories! I think I still have a shoebox somewhere full of notes. The best was when you passed a note to a friend asking her to answer questions about her crush and then handing the note to the boy in question when she wasn't looking. He he...

amindinmotown said...

Poking takes less effort. I'm down with Fbook-style romance.

P.S.
As a teenager - I'm lame, sue me - I passed a guy a note with Ludacris lyrics. Need more specificity?
"I wanna lick lick lick lick you from your head to your toes."
Ya, that song. That whole chorus. Oh man am I awesome!

spleeness said...

I have an old photo somewhere of me at like 5, standing next to a little boy I met at a convention my parents were attending, marriage vows freshly stated. I'd almost forgotten about that until I read your post!

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