When I was a boy and had a crush on a girl*, there was only one socially acceptable way to tell her. You wrote her a note. You wrote her an honest-to-God**, handwritten note that should include romantic salutations, references to how she reminds you of song lyrics*** and a mention of "Do you like me Circle Yes No or Maybe."
That's how deals were done.
But now you've eliminated such old-fashioned possibilities with your inboxes and relationship status feature and superpokes. You've taken all the charm and effort out of letting a 13-year-old boy tell that cute girl in his class he wants to
Sure, I'm way past that time for me. Capricorn would get weirded out if I passed her a note at this point.**** But there's an entire generation of young Letharios out there who don't know the joy of getting that note back in study hall, unfolding its intricate pattern and realizing the girl he loves, the girl that gives him (wet) wonderful dreams, has enthusiastically circled...
Oh. She circled no? I always black out that part in my head. Most girls said no- I worked in quantity. Maybe Facebook is the way to go after all. There's probably a Facebook app for love, anyway.
Keep 'poking, kids.
* I had a crush on every girl. That includes all classmates, their moms, their sisters and you.
** The note didn't have to be honest, just that it needed to be actual paper. It's OK to tell the girl she's the cutest in the class even if you told the last girl that. It's not OK for both those girls to find out. My bad, ladies.
*** At the time, it was Ace of Base lyrics. That might be the reason things never worked out. I told girls I Saw The Sign... and that All That She Wants Is Another Baby, She's Gone Tomorrow Boy.
**** Not to say I wouldn't do it. But I'd have to find new lyrics that do not involve Swedish supergroups. Perhaps T-Pain?