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Sunday, February 22, 2009

To discuss a (photo) Weekend Update: IKEA is Swedish for Awesome

Here's a visually-pleasing, Samsung Glyde-taken, Weekend Update. Mostly, it's an IKEA update. Capricorn had never been to an IKEA before Saturday, which in some circles is like saying you've never listened to The Beatles, seen Casablanca, or eaten a Wendy's Frosty.* How can you not have seen the wonders of an Apskar (wash basin), a Toftbo (bathroom mat), or a Hoinacloset (a Ho in a closet)?
I told her stories of model rooms, unpronouncable dinnerware, and items you never knew you wanted until they were too freaking cheap to pass up. She salivated like a Backstreet Boy watching TRL re-runs.
So here's an overview of what we saw at a Baltimore IKEA, that, considering the amount of shoppers, would be the clearest indication yet that this whole recession business is hog wash.**

IKEA living room sampleMy goal in life, other than taking a bath in chocolate, is to have a room modeled item for item after an IKEA room. I would label things with their Swedish name to give it authenticity, while drinking wine coolers and reading art magazines. Or at least that's how I envision life in an IKEA room. This was the first "IKEA room" Capricorn had ever seen, and she couldn't believe they set it up like that right in the store. What I can't believe is that Barney from "How I Met Your Mother" hasn't tried to pick up women yet in a model bedroom. It's genius.

IKEA bedroom sample, Where the magic happensIf I was on MTV Cribs, I'd say "This is where the magic happens." I'd also have a painting of myself in the hallway, and three ladies drinking cosmos poolside.

IKEA Andy in a bunny hatThis was hanging in the closet of a model bathroom. It's some sort of bunny outfit, for the kiddies or for those adults looking to lure kiddies into the bedroom section. To say I got strange looks when I tried it on is to say that "Slumdog Millionaire" had mild success at the Oscars***.

IKEA mirror Andy checks buttI'm not sure if the IKEA mirror makes my butt look big. Is it vain to check yourself out in the mirror section? I say no.

IKEA girl's closet organizerCapricorn: "Yeah, that's not big enough to hold my clothes." Me: "Good Lord. You need more than $670 worth of storage?"

IKEA knifeI got excited to look at the array of knives, for some reason. "Look at all these knives!" I exclaimed, as an older woman nearby looked alarmed, then, relaxed as she said, "Oh, that's a good sharp one. I have it at home." Subliminally, I think she just copped to murder.

IKEA duvet with carbon molecule structure"Looks a lot like a carbon structure," Capricorn said. Who wants to sleep on the C average they got in 10th grade chemistry?

Target open spaceThen, we went to Target. Sales must be slow, or maybe this is a new strategy in which customers just imagine what items they want for sale.
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* One of these things is not like the other.
** But if Obama wants to hand me free money, I won't protest. Future generations of taxpayers will, but I won't. I don't want to be rude.
*** My running Oscar commentary is coming up later today, for those who haven't already shunned me for Twittering throughout the show.
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24 comments:

Astharis said...

I still think that it's the dream to actually live in an Ikea (a bit like that film, The Terminal I guess)!

Thanks for all the Oscars tweets. I read them all this morning and saw that you had told me everything that I need to know. :)

Andy said...

Confession time... I've never been to IKEA. BUT I plan on doing it when I get to a country where IKEA exists.

stealthnerd said...

The weekend you just described is like my dream weekend. Target is my happy place and lord knows I have a strange love affair with Ikea (yes, to the point that I squeal with glee when the Ikea catalog arrives in the mail).

Heather said...

I wish we had an Ikea here... stupid small town. We have Wal-Mart... but I won't pretend it's the same.

Jess said...

Never been to IKEA. Thank you for taking her there! My goal has always also been to have a fully IKEA furnitured room. It will happen one day, I can just feel it.

Dr Zibbs said...

I've always wanted to sit on a sofa at Ikea and when someone comes to look at it, say, "What the hell are you doing in my apartment"

SouthernBelle said...

We used to live so close to an Ikea in Sydney, now the closest one is hours away, in another state. I think I might have to plan a Sunday day trip down there.

Diane said...

Ikea. My Mecca. My Heaven. MY chocolate bath. Sigh. But I have to travel 2+ hours to get to one. Which is probably a good thing, really, considering how I'm broke. But, oh Ikea. Sigh.

Liz said...

I have never been to IKEA either... I don't know where the closest one is to Podunk, MS... at least I have internet so I can look online... hopefully, one day they will pump sunshine in down here...lol

Miss Tiff said...

Never been to Ikea. But I want to. I'm with Capricorn that storage unit isn't big enough to hold all my clothes either.

Racquel Valencia said...

Is the Frosty different from the others because it's actually good?

sj said...

considering my usual Twitter radio silence, i have to say i was a little into it last night.

and i think i would love to live in IKEA. though maybe not the one in New Haven. Maybe I'd just buy the little square foot modules and put them in my house. and knowingly, replace it every 2 years because that's about how long it all lasts.

amindinmotown said...

I've never been to an Ikea before... I did meander their Web site several times, however, but was turned off when I realized how much assembly even the most simple coffee table took. No thank you.

Jossie Posie said...

I want to marry IKEA. You know if you could marry a store and make beautiful furniture babies with it.

bianca said...

IKEA is a wonderful, wonderful place. Prior to my first trip to Disneyland at the age of 21 (pathetic, I know), I really thought IKEA was the happiest place on earth. The best part is when you see a room that looks amazing and you read the tag that says "you can have this entire room for $2,200!" What a steal...until I remember that I'm a broke law student with no money.

Sara said...

We seriously just got a target here a couple of years ago...maybe that means ikea isn't too far away?

Sam_I_am said...

I have an IKEA catalog from 2006, but have never gotten to go there :(

spleeness said...

I love Ikea. I think I love even more that they put stuff together and it just looks so... together. (Brilliant insight, eh?)

Hubby and I just visited a bunch of model apartments and salivated over how much nicer they looked then our home. It's amazing what matching curtains can do.

FunnyGal KAT said...

I went to IKEA this weekend too! Which is very coincidental because I haven't been there in, like, two or three years. And everything was just as cheaply made as I remember (but pretty, though). I think their tactic of setting up entire rooms is genius and most certainly entices people to not only buy the awesome-looking bed, but the closet system, the linens and all the lights too.

We almost made it out without buying anything before dropping $65 on bathroom stuff. Oh, and we had some pretty good food, too.

bex said...

I thought Ikea was Swedish for "will break after a year."

Thomas said...

Looks like I know where I'll be spending most of my time when I'm in the US in December....I've heard a lot about this 'IKEA' business...

cassette45 said...

IKEA: Woot!

Photos: Awesome

Old Lady: Rather frightening

Target: Dude! That looks JUST IKE MINE!!! What that hey??? Yours appears to have enough space to open a roller derby. daaamn.

Mel said...

We just got an IKEA in Charlotte and it is nutsy crazy busy! Like shuttle bus from an offsite parking lot busy. I've been missing the NoVa one since I moved down here, but I'm waiting until the crowds die down some. Mostly because I'm mildly claustrophobic and I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to find one of those hidden passageways from one section to another if I started getting the heeby-jeebies from the two tons of people, and would have to fight said two tons of people as I tried to streak through the maze of sections regularly because I needed to get out of there fast. Run on much?

Jenners said...

Ok ... now I finally remembered who you remind me of and it took this post to do it -- TOM GREEN!

: )

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