Past birthday events:
- Around 9 or 10: I had just arrived home with my mom from Pizza Hut, where she had bought me a Personal Pan Pizza- quite possibly a perfect meal for that age. It was at that point that the phone rang. A 911 emergency official was on the line, asking if everything was OK at our house. Was this some new government courtesy? No. My younger brother had prank-called 911 and told them we had a rattlesnake in our garage. Might I remind you we grew up in Pennsylvania. Apparently, my brother confused our house with the set of "Hey Dude."... My parents spent the rest of my birthday reprimanding my brother and making him write an apology letter. I sat alone in my room and ate my pizza.
- Age 21: Legal drinking age had finally come. My friends had been excited to watch me consume my first alcoholic drink, as I had abstained from drinking thus far because of a dislike for the smell of beer, a sense of moral duty and a Very Special Episode of Blossom. So, I bought one: A Mike's Hard Lemonade. You got it- my first alcoholic beverage had less alcohol in it than cough syrup. This would be like me buying cocaine, except the bag contained powdered sugar.
- Age 25: At this point, in Connecticut, I had no girlfriend and no friends that lived nearby. I spent my birthday working, then going home alone. I spent the night working out at the gym. I believe I bought myself a cupcake. It was the equivalent of a girl taking herself to prom and standing by the punch bowl all night.
- Age 26: Capricorn knows how to treat a man. She got me ice cream cake-- it's my favorite, as it goes straight to my hips and my thighs. We went bowling, watched a movie (Hamlet 2, which includes the classic song, "Rock Me Sexy Jesus." I plan on asking my church's worship team to add it to their repertoire), and ate, ate ate. This included a stop at the mall, which requires its own bullet points...
- A sales clerk in a clothing store was walking by us when she stopped and stared at my face. Normally, this is because the person is confused that I have a Jewish nose but blue eyes, which would have given Hitler fits.... But she simply said, "You look exactly like (Coldplay's) Chris Martin. Did anyone ever tell you that?" "No, normally, it's Michael Phelps," I said with a certain degree of pot shame. Capricorn then realized if I'm Chris Martin, that makes her Gwyneth. I then became happy the clerk didn't compare me to Joel Madden.
- Capricorn discovered this wooden bracelet at a store. Evidently, the manufacturer gave up on the design and just carved a hole in a square.
What's your weirdest birthday experience?
Coming up this week: Grammy coverage... What I Learned from Cosmo... a TV Play by Play of something or other (Making the Band?)... Valentine's Day thoughts.