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Monday, February 9, 2009

To discuss post-birthday thoughts, including 911 and Chris Martin

I turned 26 on Friday (or, as my mom aptly put it, "Your second quarter-century has begun.") Thanks for all of the birthday wishes, including those of you who, upon hearing my age, have entered a midlife crisis.

Past birthday events:
  • Around 9 or 10: I had just arrived home with my mom from Pizza Hut, where she had bought me a Personal Pan Pizza- quite possibly a perfect meal for that age. It was at that point that the phone rang. A 911 emergency official was on the line, asking if everything was OK at our house. Was this some new government courtesy? No. My younger brother had prank-called 911 and told them we had a rattlesnake in our garage. Might I remind you we grew up in Pennsylvania. Apparently, my brother confused our house with the set of "Hey Dude."... My parents spent the rest of my birthday reprimanding my brother and making him write an apology letter. I sat alone in my room and ate my pizza.
  • Age 21: Legal drinking age had finally come. My friends had been excited to watch me consume my first alcoholic drink, as I had abstained from drinking thus far because of a dislike for the smell of beer, a sense of moral duty and a Very Special Episode of Blossom. So, I bought one: A Mike's Hard Lemonade. You got it- my first alcoholic beverage had less alcohol in it than cough syrup. This would be like me buying cocaine, except the bag contained powdered sugar.
  • Age 25: At this point, in Connecticut, I had no girlfriend and no friends that lived nearby. I spent my birthday working, then going home alone. I spent the night working out at the gym. I believe I bought myself a cupcake. It was the equivalent of a girl taking herself to prom and standing by the punch bowl all night.
  • Age 26: Capricorn knows how to treat a man. She got me ice cream cake-- it's my favorite, as it goes straight to my hips and my thighs. We went bowling, watched a movie (Hamlet 2, which includes the classic song, "Rock Me Sexy Jesus." I plan on asking my church's worship team to add it to their repertoire), and ate, ate ate. This included a stop at the mall, which requires its own bullet points...
  • A sales clerk in a clothing store was walking by us when she stopped and stared at my face. Normally, this is because the person is confused that I have a Jewish nose but blue eyes, which would have given Hitler fits.... But she simply said, "You look exactly like (Coldplay's) Chris Martin. Did anyone ever tell you that?" "No, normally, it's Michael Phelps," I said with a certain degree of pot shame. Capricorn then realized if I'm Chris Martin, that makes her Gwyneth. I then became happy the clerk didn't compare me to Joel Madden.
  • Capricorn discovered this wooden bracelet at a store. Evidently, the manufacturer gave up on the design and just carved a hole in a square.

What's your weirdest birthday experience?
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Coming up this week: Grammy coverage... What I Learned from Cosmo... a TV Play by Play of something or other (Making the Band?)... Valentine's Day thoughts.

22 comments:

Herding Cats said...

Your birthday sounds awesome. Ice cream cake is awesome. At least you HAD a drink on your 21st. I was on my orientation for study abroad in Australia. Australia = drinking capital of the world. My program = strict no drinking during orientation rule. Me = loser on 21st bday :)

Marinka said...

Happy birthday. I love the bracelet. It's not too fancy!

bex said...

You DO look like Chris Martin. Such an astute observation.

joshlos said...

Hamlet 2's on DVD? It's one of those movies "I want to see, but I'll wait for it on DVD." I guess it's Go Time.

~Sheila~ said...

So I was looking on the list of Birthday wishes. Did I honestly not send you BDay wishes??
Man! I'm sorry!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I'm glad you now have someone to make that day super special (instead of your mom) because your 25th Bday was really a buzzkill.

Thomas said...

26 sounds like it was the best, ice cream cakes are twice as fun as your run of the mill birthday sponge.

Hmmm. Wierdest birthday experience? Probably being told by my Dad that I could watch X Men when I was 10. My mom was going through a bible bashing phase and all the best cartoons were obviously the devils work.

smidge said...

I missed saying happy birthday so ill say it here! Glad you had a good one...! Kx

Andy said...

Happy Birthday (again)!!

My weirdest birthday?? My 5th birthday. I spent it at the hospital with a HUGE injury on my head after a boy hit it against a tree. And then, I had 5 stitches WITHOUT ANESTHESIA.

Jossie Posie said...

Hmmm Chris Martin, really?

I don't see it...whenever I see Chris I have this overwhelming urge to hump his leg and I don't get that with you so I am going to have to disagree.

Diane said...

Happy belated!! I've had too many birthdays to remember them all, but one that sticks in my mind is when I got a pair of roller skates that fit on over your sneakers (I told you I was old) and after skating UP a hill in them, I realized I couldn't skate back down without running into traffic and getting killed. So I took one skate off, let it go to get the other one off, and watched it roll down the hill into the sewer. Sigh. I had to skate on one foot for a whole year.

amindinmotown said...

That bracelet definitely makes it look as though Capricorn has been put into the stocks and is awaiting some 19th century trial for witchcraft...

Just saying.

Lump said...

I'd like to know what you did on ALL of your birthdays. thanks.

but YUM ice cream cake? I wouldn't have shared any of it.

Astharis said...

I agree with the others about that bracelet looking like stocks... But it looks like it should have a hazard warning on it too.

Shame on your brother for stealing your birthday thunder!

And I now have a craving for ice cream cake.

Racquel Valencia said...

I really loved this post. Love it like a fat kid loves cake, even.

My worst birthday was the year I turned 23. My new roommates (Craigslist finds) took me out to the Cheesecake Factory in San Francisco... then let me foot the bill, since I was the only one with a job.

I moved out shortly thereafter.

BeckEye said...

Happy belated birthday. I'm completely jealous of your ice cream cake.

stealthnerd said...

Happy belated birthday. And I suggest the TV play by play of Tool Academy. But that may just be b/c I have a seriously unhealthy obsession with the show.

Amy xxoo said...

I can kind of see the Chris Martin thing.... a little.

And you got icecream cake ? No fair! I wanted ice cream cake for my birthday 2 weeks ago and did i get any ? uh ..... nuh.

hautepocket said...

My favorite birthday memory includes the time my grandfather hit me in the forehead with a softball (they are not soft, by the way) and my uncle slammed my 9 year old fingers in the patio door on THE SAME DAY. Both said it was an accident. I say it was foreshadowing for my life as a total calamity.

Also, you're totally getting Capricorn that bracelet for Valentine's Day, right?

LBluca77 said...

I hope you kicked your brothers butt for calling 911 on your birthday.

Happy belated bday!! Being tolf you look like Chris Martin is a compliment. He's hot!

Jenners said...

This was too funny, Chris!

Sam_I_am said...

On my 15th birthday, I had a roller skating party and my friend grabbed a cupcake and crushed it into my face. It was horrible. I blew chocolate out of my nose for hours. No big suprise that she and I aren't close anymore.

spleeness said...

That bracelet fails on so many levels (fashion, comfort, etc.) - hilarious!

Suddenly I can't remember any previous birthdays. I am sure there were more than a few involving a lone cupcake though....

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