I have an audition tomorrow.
After a lengthy layoff, I'm going to foray (what a good word, right?) back into musical theater. This means one of the following:
1) I have too much time on my hands and figure I might as well find something to do at night...
No, that's not it.
2) I recently discovered I'm gay and wanted to express myself with dance and song.
No, that's not it, either. One of out of one Capricorn would agree.
3) I was getting tired of singing during normal, everyday conversations and not having anyone sing back, so I thought I better take to the stage before people think I'm crazy.
No, but we should start doing that.
4) I miss doing theater, and, although I'm busy, thought I better get back into it now before I lose my touch.
Yeah, that's more like it. I'm auditioning for "The Sound of Music." I have no hope of being one of the children, because I've hit already hit puberty and if I have to wear one of those little Austrian costumes, it's going to look like I'm smuggling an Edelweiss in my pants.
I'm not a woman, so I can't be Maria, which is fine, because those nun costumes don't complement my figure. And she has to run all over the mountains, which sounds like a lot of work.
That really just leaves Max and the Captain. I was upset to find out the Captain doesn't wear a hat like Captain Crunch, which makes his part slightly less appealing. Max, however, has a sweet mustache in the movie. That makes his part more appealing.
But here's my question for you: If you could have your life emulate a character in any musical (regardless if its still running, a live show or a movie), what would it be?
Judging by comments you've left on this blog over the months, I'd say some of you are Roxie Hart from "Chicago" (lots of heart and ambition, and you may or may not have been in prison for killing a man), some of you are Elle Woods from "Legally Blonde: The Musical" (you say silly things, but you're hot and well-educated, so we laugh it off) and some of you are extras in "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (cause you're kind of whorish). A choice few of you are puppets in "Avenue Q" who would sing "The Internet Is for Porn." I think you know who you are.
I'd go with the Phantom, from The Phantom of the Opera, for my life. You get dramatic music every time you enter a room, you only have to worry about how half of your face looks, you get to WEAR A FREAKING CAPE, you sing nice songs, you've got a hot mistress who is totally under your spell and comes down for post-show booty calls, you live in a labyrinth, and you get to swing from chandeliers. I don't see much of a downside, minus the whole people are trying to kill me thing.
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