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Friday, April 17, 2009

To discuss musicals: Who would you be?

I have an audition tomorrow.

After a lengthy layoff, I'm going to foray (what a good word, right?) back into musical theater. This means one of the following:

1) I have too much time on my hands and figure I might as well find something to do at night...

No, that's not it.

2) I recently discovered I'm gay and wanted to express myself with dance and song.

No, that's not it, either. One of out of one Capricorn would agree.

3) I was getting tired of singing during normal, everyday conversations and not having anyone sing back, so I thought I better take to the stage before people think I'm crazy.

No, but we should start doing that.

4) I miss doing theater, and, although I'm busy, thought I better get back into it now before I lose my touch.

Yeah, that's more like it. I'm auditioning for "The Sound of Music." I have no hope of being one of the children, because I've hit already hit puberty and if I have to wear one of those little Austrian costumes, it's going to look like I'm smuggling an Edelweiss in my pants.

I'm not a woman, so I can't be Maria, which is fine, because those nun costumes don't complement my figure. And she has to run all over the mountains, which sounds like a lot of work.

That really just leaves Max and the Captain. I was upset to find out the Captain doesn't wear a hat like Captain Crunch, which makes his part slightly less appealing. Max, however, has a sweet mustache in the movie. That makes his part more appealing.

But here's my question for you: If you could have your life emulate a character in any musical (regardless if its still running, a live show or a movie), what would it be?

Judging by comments you've left on this blog over the months, I'd say some of you are Roxie Hart from "Chicago" (lots of heart and ambition, and you may or may not have been in prison for killing a man), some of you are Elle Woods from "Legally Blonde: The Musical" (you say silly things, but you're hot and well-educated, so we laugh it off) and some of you are extras in "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (cause you're kind of whorish). A choice few of you are puppets in "Avenue Q" who would sing "The Internet Is for Porn." I think you know who you are.

I'd go with the Phantom, from The Phantom of the Opera, for my life. You get dramatic music every time you enter a room, you only have to worry about how half of your face looks, you get to WEAR A FREAKING CAPE, you sing nice songs, you've got a hot mistress who is totally under your spell and comes down for post-show booty calls, you live in a labyrinth, and you get to swing from chandeliers. I don't see much of a downside, minus the whole people are trying to kill me thing.

26 comments:

Racquel Valencia said...

Simba from "The Lion King". I'm a confused, self-absorbed wannabe who likes to roar and has flatulent friends. I think that about sums it up. Also, I have nice hair.

Diane said...

Definitely Kate Monster from Avenue Q... high ideals... unlucky in love... on the pitiful side at times... likes sex...

... hoping things turn out as well for me as they did for her...

joshlos said...

I'd be the always-pissed off martial arts guy from Team America who make those hilarious/outrageous threats on the new guy.

Wait. Team America counts as a musical, right?

stealthnerd said...

I have no idea who I'd be but I would SO okay with having my life be a musical. All those videos of people bursting into dance in train stations make me wish I could dance. Or sing. You know, the stuff that would allow me to actually be in a musical (w/the exception of my sr. year musical where I only sang a one word solo and managed to mess up the note).

Nicole said...

Elphaba from Wicked!! I get to be spray-painted green, fly around, sing awesome songs, wear a cape, rock a pointy hat and be hated by everyone. Sounds like my kind of weekend. What's not to love?

Little Ms Blogger said...

Lady of the Lake from Spamalot, but when it first came to Broadway.

The character was full of life and just hysterical.

I heard after that actress left the show, the part was scaled down because you needed an amazing range to carry off the part.

TishTash said...

Gigi from, well, Gigi because she's a really good role model for girls who are brought up to become mistresses but aim higher for marriage instead which is kind of like being a mistress but legal and without all the hot sex.

Never mind. She was an idiot.

tracie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tracie said...

1. I played the cello in the orchestra for Bakersfield Musical Theater and LOVED IT.

2. I would definitely be Esther Smith from Meet Me in St. Louis (mostly because I love the music)

3. Most of the boys I knew in musical theater were gay... (ex: they found out one of the performance nights was my birthday... one signed the card: 'Have a "Fag"alicious Birthday!'

blueviolet@A Nut in a Nutshell said...

That is a brilliant question, one for which I have no answer. I need to think on that.

Geiger Girl said...

Must say, I don't think I'm of the right caliber to be reading your blogs. Super witty blog, super witty comments.

I just can't compete.

Mostly because I would just end up being a "townsperson" like I was in every musical in highschool. I do a mean cockney accent though, I tell you what!

Good luck, er *ahem* Break a leg!

Erin said...

The 15 year old girl in me would say Eponine from "Les Miserables", because there's nothing more tragically cool than death and unrequited love.

The adult in me says Mary Poppins!

Jess said...

I'd be Zac Efron from high school musical.

If you do get the part (break a leg, btw) can you please make sure it's recorded and placed on this blog at some point in time?

Soda and Candy said...

I am definitely Elle, from either the movie OR the musical.

Probably the movie though since my singing is terrible.

Sam_I_am said...

I try not to think about anything theatre related, because then I get the bug and then i bust out my sewing machine and start sewing fur on spandex and singing "Memory."

I don't know what character I'd want to be. Deep down inside, I'm still a costumer, so I'd have to be some with great costumes. I do love me some 80's style Footlosse though!

Sam_I_am said...

*Footloose

Paula said...

The guy i'm currently kind of seeing is one of the few dudes I have ever met who is into musical theatre (thankfully I am not too worried about this as we DID originally meet in drama class back in high school!) so you're not alone, haha!

As for who I would be in a musical - given that I'm always drunk and generally aren't a big fan of children, I guess Miss Hannigan in "Annie".

Andy said...

I'd be... Glinda from Wicked. LOVE her.

Good luck]!

Lauren said...

Yes! I love this topic (because I love musicals oh so much).

Hmm. In high school, when I did theatre, I wanted to be Evelyn Nesbit from Ragtime (and historical fame), however her life isn't one i'd want to emulate so much. I'm pretty similar to Kate Monster in Avenue Q, that's for sure. Oh, or any girl from In the Heights because I think i'd be AWESOME at rapping.

BeckEye said...

Well, as much as I love Les Miz, I wouldn't want to be any of those characters. Actually, aside from the dirty clothes, poverty, and young death, I was Eponine for quite a bit of my life. Unrequited love was always my thing.

I guess I would be Sandy from "Grease." But ONLY if I got to live happily ever after with the movie version of Danny.

Amy xxoo said...

I've thought about it.... and i'm going to go with Tracy Turnblad from " Hairspray ". I'm not the fattest girl in school, but i was the kind of quirky funny one with the heart of golod who just wants the cute boy to notice her. Plus, i could totaly get my hair that big!

kk said...

Good luck!

I think I'd like to be either a Jet or a Shark from West Side Story. Sure, I could say 'Maria', but then I wouldn't be able to be involved in a choreographed knife fight wearing a cool leather jacket.

~Sheila~ said...

How much do I suck that I don't know of any musicals and have never actually seen any.

I remember seeing Barefoot in the Park when I was younger but on TV. Does that count?

Or maybe...

The Wiz!!!

You know the one with Michael Jackson and Diana Ross.

There, I feel better now. I'm the evil witch in that musical and my kids are the crazy flying monkeys!

Glad I could play along!

Jenners said...

All I ask of you is to record your audition and post it.

And I'm thinking perhaps the Wicked Witch one week of the month and The Good Witch on the other three.

CheetaChica said...

Id be Elle I already own the wardrobe and the dog or Doralee in 9 to 5 the musical because I heart Dolly

jenifer said...

peter pan. i'm a bit egotistical, and i loved my childhood so growing up has been bittersweet. i wish i could fly. and i don't care for pirates. oh and boys have always followed me around.
i'm still pretty innocent, too. naive, if you will.

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