Dear Food Network:
It is patently unfair for you, at 1 a.m., to play an episode of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives about the best places to get Southern barbecue, when you know I can't do anything at that late hour to make said barbecue appear before my very eyes. Next time, why don't you just dangle adoption papers in front of one of Sarah McLachlan's abused puppies?
Dear state liquor store owner:
If you're trying to drum up business, perhaps you shouldn't play the Christian praise and worship song, "I Can Only Imagine," on the overhead speakers whilst people try to decide how to get drunk. I know Jesus drank wine, but I doubt he drank rum.
I would like to congratulate you on your honey chipotle chicken tenders. My titillated tongue had so many orgasms that my teeth asked if it was faking them.
I had a hunch there were lots of you who had taken a blogging hiatus in 2009, which is why I set up my last post to help you get the word out about your return (it's been constantly updated with all of your news). I just didn't realize my hunch was so right on ... wow. Thanks for all the updates, and thanks to those bloggers (see, KAT?) who made it through all of 2009 with nary a break. You will be rewarded in heaven with 72 virgins or 72 virgin daiquiris, depending on your preference.
You successfully became the first person ever to get me to drink that much in one sitting. What's more, the neighbors likely enjoyed me trying to drunk walk the dogs. I consider it an all-around success. The only thing we failed at was making MTV "True Life" into a drinking game; "House Hunters" would have been much easier. "Jersey Shore" would have resulted in alcohol poisoning for all involved. P.S. Love you
I don't know how to say this. I've never done this before, and my confession will likely land me in the slammer. Here goes. *deep breath* For some reason, you had a perfectly fine $120 cashmere red sweater on sale for $17. I couldn't resist, and I bought it. I basically stole that sweater from you. Please don't hold it against me.
Dear Andrew from the "Real World: DC":
Stop trying to sleep with every female cast member. And tell Ashley that Mike is gay, so she should stop trying to be with him. She has the wrong parts. Unless she will reveal next episode she's transgendered, but c'mon, this is Real World, stuff like that nev ... Hmm ... On second thought, Andrew, hold on to that last request.
Corrie Fee, The Cairngorms - [image: Corrie Fee, The Cairngorms] On the southern edge of the Cairngorm National Park is Corrie Fee, Scotland's most dramatic glacial valley. Let's exp...
6 days ago